To cut my parent off for this?

[Whattodo74639]

My grandparent died a couple of months ago, my parent is the executor of the will, I am an only child.

I was always told that I had a set amount of inheritance to come from grandparent once they died. After the funeral and everything, we then set about sorting out the inheritance and everything else but it’s been one excuse after the other as to why I haven’t yet received my share.

The first excuse was waiting for the bank account to be closed and then the remaining money released, they said it should have taken 7-10 days or something like that. After this time frame, the excuse then changed to actually I wasn’t left any inheritance, it’s just money that my parent is choosing to ‘gift’ me.

I haven’t been able to access the will, as parent won’t allow me to see it, to see what is true and what is not. My parent knows that I struggle at times financially through no fault of my own and knows that if I do have a share in this, that it will help me significantly, and they are now ignoring every request I put to them whilst off spending hundreds of pounds on themselves (they tell me so).

I have pretty much accepted I’m not going to get any of this money, as I doubt there is now much left, so my AIBU is AIBU to cut parent off for this for being a selfish arsehole?!

They did a similar thing when my other grandparent died and kept money from the rest of the family, so I don’t know why I’m too surprised to be honest!

Cut your parent off - you might not have any money coming your way but at least you'd have a whole lot of peace of mind because you would no longer be giving them any power over you.

A will doesn’t have to be made by a solicitor to be ‘proper’. As long as it’s dated, signed and witnessed by two people who are not beneficiaries, it’s valid. I’ve seen one that was handwritten on a sheet of lined paper - very wobbly writing by a person near their end, but signed etc. and perfectly valid.

You can request a copy online once probate has been granted. The executor(s) are legally obliged to carry out the terms of the will.

If she has money in a bank account then they need to go through probate.

The first step is to see what the will actually says. The executor is legally obliged to carry out the deceased’s wishes as expressed in the will.

Even if the parent has a financial LPA and/or the amount is under £5k?

"DP, I'd really like to see a copy of the will asap. If you aren't able to show me this week, I'll get my solicitor to look into it instead. If I don't hear from you by x day I'll instruct the solicitor. Thanks"

See what they say to that!!

Op hasn't got the funds for a solicitor, especially when the amounts involved are only likely to be a couple of grand

My dgm died without a will despite promises of what she would leave me. Her dd my aunt kept the lot. She asked me to attend a religious retreat abroad as her carer. I went after organising child care for my dc. Very stressful all round.
When we returned she told me she had used the money dgm wanted me to have for my share of the trip.
Tbh our relationship never recovered.. Like you it wasn't about the money but the deceit.

No, they don't. Banks may not always require probate to release funds. It will depend on the amounts involved, and the banks own requirements.

And lastly, if you could sit by and watch your kids struggle whilst wasting money on crap then I think that’s very sad as that’s something I could never do to mine
But it's a separate issue entirely to whether you inherited from your grandparents or not. Who told you that you had?

She asked me to attend a religious retreat abroad as her carer. I went after organising child care for my dc. Very stressful all round.
Why did you do that?!

Unfortunately a lot of people make a lot of promises to a lot of relatives but when it comes right down to it they choose to leave everything to their NOK by not bothering to make a will. I suspect that is what has happened here, and I would not cut my parents off for my grandparent's failure.

Certainly find out if there is a will, but I wouldn't be optimistic.

LPA's end at death. Every will, in fact every estate even if there is no will, has to go through some form of official process.

Unless parent has access to account online and is that shady.

www.simpsonmillar.co.uk/media/how-do-you-get-a-copy-of-a-will/
May be helpful

My uncle had no children but a brother and sister in law that he saw little of. He told me that he wanted me to have any effects and money when he passed away. I seem to recall a will was made, again, in this case, pretty much a DIY one which was witnessed. He passed away - I wasn't informed and didn't go to the funeral. I never heard from his brother nor heard anything regarding the will nor my uncle's wishes. I wasn't particularly close to him and hadn't kept in touch so thought it was unreasonable to make a fuss.

What if there is no will and no estate? Surely nothing official needed then? A death certificate provided to most places would give the nok automatic rights, no?

Was there definitely a will?
If your grandparent wanted you to have something they should have left a will. Your parents will have to lie and say no will to gain access to bank accounts or show a will.

I don't think it's that uncommon for older people to 'promise' money to lots of people without actually reflecting that promise in their wills. Sometimes they never get round to it, sometimes they're not able to consent to it, and sometimes - and this is the saddest scenario - they're outright lying in the hopes that more people will be nice to them.

It's hard to tell what's actually happened from your posts, mainly because you don't know. Were you named as a beneficiary? Did your parent intend to vary the will to name you as a beneficiary? Did your parent intend to gift you money out of their share?

It could well be that they had grandiose plans to give you money by some mechanism, even though you weren't named in the will, but they've later realised they can't afford to do that, whether there's less money than expected, or whether they've burnt through their share quicker than expected.

I'm not sure what's happened, but if you genuinely think that your parent has pocketed money that is rightfully yours, either they've done a terribly thing or you think so little of them that they might do a terrible thing, so I don't think you're unreasonable to walk away. Whichever the truth, the relationship has broken down.

My aunt had a medical condition that apparently could be helped on the retreat..
Years later said Healer was charged with multiple assaults on women...
Felt obliged to go if she would indeed be helped....

@Meredusoleil the money a person has in their bank account is their estate - estate doesn't just mean property. If there is no will then the legal process takes a lot longer as there needs to be a proof of who is the next of kin and who should inherit .

I'm sorry OP but if your grandparent had really wanted you to inherit then they would have made a will with provision for this to happen .

I would love to see your parents' point of view of this story .

It can take a long time to sort out a will. Perhaps the excuses are the reality of the situation. When I was an executor a cousin kept harassing me and saying I was withholding her inheritance. She even wrote to my solicitor asking him to help her get her inheritance that I was withholding from her. Nothing had been left to her in the Will but she wouldn't believe it!

Also anyone that expects that they will 'get a fixed amount' of inheritance' years before the person actually dies is deluded. It's impossible to tell exactly how much there will be until everything is wrapped up and paid for and the final amount left could vary massively depending on how much the deceased was spending in the months/years before their death.

YWBU to relay on this especially if there was no will.

This^

The £5k is not set in stone and is an old number anyway - the threshold for requiring probate to access funds in the deceased’s account varies from bank to bank, and so it’s entirely possible that there is no probate in the OPs case. When my husband died Santander were happy to release funds up to £50k without probate, as were Barclays - a death certificate was fine in both cases. HSBC wanted sight of a probate certificate for just £20k. And joint accounts require no probate either.