The Guardian: A sex worker gave my autistic son the gift of confidence – and I organised the encounter

[YouAreNotBatman]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jul/30/a-sex-worker-gave-my-autistic-son-the-gift-of-confidence-and-i-organised-the-encounter#comments

Look at the comments, everyone saying she’s a lovely and a good mother.

I’m so tired of this.
Sex works is real work, have OF, be kinky - or you’re a prude, porn porn and even more porn, poor innocent men - they have to have sex with a woman or else….

Hiw can anyone think this is progressive?

It’s indefensible imo. There’s a reason why they’re not celebrating an article about a father paying a man to fuck his autistic daughter, followed by her giving daddy a report back.

If two people enter into a transaction of their own free will and are both happy with the T&C's, good luck to them, I say

T&Cs are you serious?

When alone in a room with a man who clearly doesn't understand about consent or a man who simply doesnt care about consent, which is a given through the very action of even being there, do you think anyone is gonna have the confidence to suddenly go " nope not doing that"

You think they are happy to run the risk of their pimp having to hear there's no cut because the punter refused to pay after deciding he wanted something that wasn't part of the original deal?

Who's she gonna call? Acas? Excuse me I was wrongly choked when showed up for what was meant to be a blow job?

Omg how ridiculous. T&Cs...ffs..

@JudithHarper

I'm not happy about exploitation of any kind.

But obviously it's easier to justify exploitation far removed and often unavoidable than direct exploitation of using a sex worker.

Which is completely avoidable

Those who cannot physically have sex like quadriplegics, still have the urges - so surely it’s better to give them hormone suppressants than allow them to continue having urges that the only way they can temporarily suppress is by paying a sex worker.

Not all people with quadriplegia are single
Not all people with quadriplegia people want to suppress urges
Not all people with quadriplegia use sex workers to relieve those urges

Quadriplegia is a physical disability not a mental one. But in this case you make no reference to them choosing to take hormone suppressants. It comes across as if you think they should be routinely given if someone becomes quadriplegic.

That's one of the reasons why your posts are coming across as ableist. That and calling people with quadriplegia 'quadriplegics', without reference to them being an actual person.

I absolutely don't think a 21 year old man with poor/no idea of consent should have sex bought for him by his mother.

That doesn't mean I believe people with the capacity for consent should be drugged without their consent. I mean if we believe in consent we believe in consent right?

I agree with you. But then again, I have it on very good authority that I'm a fossilised, bigoted old harpie (according to my militantly liberal sister, who is entirely accepting of anyone at all, so long as they believe exactly what she believes)

I could forgive a teenage boy for visiting a sex worker. He is young and stupid and doesn't understand the world. But the mother ought to know better.

I am reading Boswell's Life of Johnson atm. Boswell often visited brothels, until Johnson pointed out to him that prostitutes had been brutalized, abused or forced into this life. Boswell wrote in his diary that Johnson was right and that he wouldn't do it any more. Now that was 250 years ago! In a world of public executions! If a rich man in 18th-century London can have second thoughts, a woman living in the 21st-century has no excuse.

We don’t know anything about this woman’s son. We don’t even know if he has capacity to consent. I’m concerned this is all part of some perverted sexual thrill for her. Why else did she want to write the article?

I am disabled and I read your comment. Compared people with disabilities with sex offenders, by thinking it appropriate to make the comparison. That is disgusting and discriminatory. If you feel upset by my assessment, then good. You ought to, and hopefully you will think more carefully in future before you say things.

So am I and I work with young people with SEND.

Some people will always try and play the discrimination card but I don’t really care.

People like you are the reason that things like this is acceptable because if anyone said the mum shouldn’t have done it in RL then they could lose their jobs and be accused of being a disablist.

That doesn't mean I believe people with the capacity for consent should be drugged without their consent. I mean if we believe in consent we believe in consent right?

@Maddogsandtoplessenglishmen thats why I said those who cannot consent or do not understand consent, should not be having sex.

If you are able to consent yourself and understand that the other person needs to consent - then have as much sex as you want.

I'm with her husband in the 'staying in the background' camp.

The your whole spiel about people with quadriplegia was bizarre. Because its a physical condition not a mental condition and therefore there is no reason to suppose people with the condition do not understand consent and therefore need to be medicated.

Oh golly

@CallOnMe if you really are disabled and work in the area of support, then your comment suggesting chemical castration and allocating people who have certain conditions with sex offenders is even worse.

And I disagree with your opinion. What's your point?

Ew.

He wanted sex, but needed his mummy to arrange it for him? To me, that sounds like someone who isn't emotionally OR socially ready for that sort of encounter.

All he will have learnt from this is that women and sex are all for sale, if you've got enough money to pay for it.
And what will he be doing while he's struggling to save up for his next bang? He'll be hanging out on incel groups. Jesus.

She supported her son to buy a nice raping session.

What a disgusting comment accusing the son of being a rapist.

The your whole spiel about people with quadriplegia was bizarre. Because its a physical condition not a mental condition and therefore there is no reason to suppose people with the condition do not understand consent and therefore need to be medicated.

My ‘spiel’ about quadriplegia was an example of someone who could mentally want sex because they have the urges but have something stopping them from doing it. Which is what the article is about.

Then having a chemical castration which temporarily suppresses hormones would remove those urges.

A parent in that situation may decide that instead of getting a prostitute which would take the urge away for a few days, that the hormone suppressants would be a much better option.

So to repeat my opinion - that if the only way you can have sex is by raping or paying for it, then you shouldn’t be having sex.

And if you do not understand the other person needs to consent, then you shouldn’t be having sex.

You don’t need to agree with my opinion but please don’t try and make out I’m being discriminatory when I’m not.

I'd love to hear the sex workers side of the story you all seem intent on feeling sorry for her and offended on her behalf. Maybe she feels differently.

My son is an autistic young man... I wouldn't dream of doing it... I couldn't even entertain the thought!!!

Also get fuck with 'people like me' as well. I did not condone the use of prostitutes. I said (rightly) that there needs to be more support around assisting disabled people with relationship formation and navigation. I was very fortunate to have this via family, but not everyone is and it needs to be provided. Then, situations like the article would not occur. To just say, 'well people with disabilities should not want to have sex' is discriminatory.

If someone genuinely wished to work in the area of sexual support services, they should be qualified, registered and well paid. That's the sort of view we should take on this issue.

@lollipoprainbow

Maybe she does.

No one has to agree with her

@BringBackCoffeeCreams well hopefully he will meet someone understanding and not as narrow minded and judgemental as you.

@SaltFlakes I think sex is very different to continence needs for starters, and if the carer was very likely to be abused and trafficked, like a huge percentage of "sex workers" are, that would be a whole different conversation.
You also can live without sex whereas you really can't without someone wiping your bum.

Based on the amount of women who believe porn and prostitute is a woman's choice it doesn't surprise me.

Because everyone has a friend of a friend of a friend absolutely loves being a porn actress despite 1000's of women trafficked yearly.

It’s disgusting. Paying a women to let them be raped is abhorrent.

Ffs can we stop this. It's not rape