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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Ick

161 replies

Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 31/07/2022 11:40

Inspired by an article in today’s Observer, AIBU to think that you just can’t get over ‘The Ick’ even if the other person is practically perfect in every other possible way?
When I was 18, I started seeing a man in his 20s - he was like an alpha male on steroids- muscular, deep voice, powerful. This was the 90s and his double denim look reminded me of a young Bruce Springsteen. He really was gorgeous and I was smitten. But…. every time he got drunk, his voice would go high pitched, I mean, if we were in a nightclub and he was trying to tell me something he’d come close to my ear and suddenly turn into Joe Pasquale. This was THE ICK. This perfect man, gorgeous, masculine, respectful, confident made me cower in horror at his squeak.
He spoke normally 90% of the time and was a great man but I just couldn’t get over the drunken voice and the fact that the day after every night out my ear would throb in pain at his shrillness. So I dumped him. This could have been a beautiful relationship with lots of mini young Springsteens on the horizon with a lavish wedding. I just couldn’t get over it. Was IBU?
But what I really want to know about are your Icks?

OP posts:
GhostCastle · 02/08/2022 19:11

@ChocolateCakeYum he didn’t say that. I’m literally cringing for you! I can see why you instantly dumped him. He would say things about eating/licking my ‘pie’ and tasty ‘pie’. 😖 We weren’t married for long.

Original poster
Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 02/08/2022 19:59

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/08/2022 17:33

I think the orthodoxy around "the ick" is all wrong.

Yes its definitely a thing that you can get the heebie geebies about someone and can be turned off them. But I don't think its always irreversible and I think its often a sign that your subconscious has gone into overdrive about something which isn't necessarily about the person, its more about you.

I've got it fatally before but I've also sometimes been able to come back from it with someone who has redeemed themselves sufficiently in other ways.

Let's be honest: almost everyone you are intimate with will at some point display behaviour which is unappealing, unsexy or irritating. It's virtually impossible to find someone who literally doesn't have any annoying habits. I do think a lot of the time the "ick" is you over-reacting to something that triggers you.

I got it really badly years ago with a guy who I was seeing who burst into tears after sex. I found it really unappealing, mainly because I was quite offended, and it was an on-the-spot dealbreaker. And in fact I was really rude to him when I saw him socially over the next few years (which I'm quite ashamed of). I later found out he had been physically abused by his long term ex-girlfriend which explained his mental state and I recognised that I was freaked out by being exposed to some trauma way too soon.

We never got back together but after a while we became quite good friends (and are still in touch now). I realised later that the "ick" was basically telling me that neither of us was ready for a sexual relationship. It wasn't that there was anything fundamentally wrong with either of us or our relationship it was just wrong place wrong time.

Wise words @Thepeopleversuswork I’ve had the ick several times, but when I was young, immature and hasty. It’s nonsensical to a point but possibly more a reflection of shallowness. It does say more about me I think.

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 02/08/2022 22:51

RoyKent · 31/07/2022 11:42

Wore a grubby orange lanyard with his house keys on at all times. Even in his own home. Envy

😂😂😂😂😂 no way? 😂

Teacakexo · 02/08/2022 23:11

Got the Ick I found out he was part of a Take That tribute band and proceeded to sing one of their songs on the karaoke during a date… if that doesn’t give you the Ick nothing will

MostTacticalNameChange · 02/08/2022 23:31

People complaining about the word 'ick'...honestly, what is your angle? Ignore the repulsion just to be nice? Or rename it something else? Do explain.

I think it's pure snobbery, honestly.

My ex gave me the 'ick'/repulsed me by calling our genitals he and she. He would say 'she's really wet'...'he's ready for her' etc. I let it go a few times but then said it's me and you, not her and him and got accused of 'ruining the moment'.

Ok, get his moment out of her moment, thanks.

thenightsky · 02/08/2022 23:32

Giraffesandbottoms · 02/08/2022 06:10

@Puffalicious

i find those coats sexy as fuck on men

Oh so do I!

newtb · 02/08/2022 23:56

Given someone's number to meet up. We chatted on the phone a couple of Times for nearly an hour and got on really well. Arranged to meet for a coffee. He was the twin of Mr Burns in the Simpsons. No, just, no!

Ticksallboxes · 03/08/2022 00:33

I've been happily married for years but I do appreciate an attractive man.

However, every year, starting from about mid-May, I get a serious ick at every man who starts to wear flip-flops...

There are so many alternatives - trainers, sliders, Birkenstocks etc, but flip-flops for some reason always make me think the person is really bad in bed. I know it's irrational but I've never been able to shake it!

Chillipillow · 26/01/2023 15:28

@gannett what’s MRA message board please

cobblers123 · 26/01/2023 15:33

Second date at his house, made a point of telling me how private his garden was so he could go out in it "stark bollock naked"!

Also showed me a picture of him at the beach in his budgie smugglers.

I was outta there ... 😱

sunseaandme · 26/01/2023 15:42

Turned into joe pasquale 😂😂😂

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