The Ick

[Ahostofgoldendaffodils]

Inspired by an article in today’s Observer, AIBU to think that you just can’t get over ‘The Ick’ even if the other person is practically perfect in every other possible way?
When I was 18, I started seeing a man in his 20s - he was like an alpha male on steroids- muscular, deep voice, powerful. This was the 90s and his double denim look reminded me of a young Bruce Springsteen. He really was gorgeous and I was smitten. But…. every time he got drunk, his voice would go high pitched, I mean, if we were in a nightclub and he was trying to tell me something he’d come close to my ear and suddenly turn into Joe Pasquale. This was THE ICK. This perfect man, gorgeous, masculine, respectful, confident made me cower in horror at his squeak.
He spoke normally 90% of the time and was a great man but I just couldn’t get over the drunken voice and the fact that the day after every night out my ear would throb in pain at his shrillness. So I dumped him. This could have been a beautiful relationship with lots of mini young Springsteens on the horizon with a lavish wedding. I just couldn’t get over it. Was IBU?
But what I really want to know about are your Icks?

Urgh! I now have unwanted images of George Galloway swarming through my head 😆😆

My ex referred to my lady parts as a pie when having sex. Ewwwww.

So you get the ick too then hypocritically state that it’s annoying and a form of stealth boasting? It’s so not a ‘I’m mad me’ attempt and it’s certainly not sophisticated. It’s a real feeling. Let’s rebrand it - passion killer? Is that better?

Thanks @Friffle. Have a look @Kidsaretryingtodestroyme

He told me he did fencing and after that I just couldnt see him the same way, shame because he was really nice 😂

A boyfriend I had that wore a bright bright orange thong, yuk

@Ahostofgoldendaffodils - I used to teach Rhik many years ago. Not really relevant I know. He bought me a book of Sappho’s poetry as a leaving present.

@CatSeany - it’s a snake on the caduceus!

Had an ex from MANY years ago that absolutely never wore underwear. I think he made some boastful comments about how he liked to 'swing freely' but in reality his jeans just smelled like musty penis.

@Musmerian, I wonder what Rhik would make of this thread?

Aye, but I was 19! 19 and cool and trendy and swanning round Edinburgh during the festival. Now, at 50, it wouldn't bother me (although I still prefer a man in something a bit cooler/ more casual).

But then icks can be totally irrational, so I forgive my 19 yo self.

Cigarette breath 🤮

Have name changed for this as its v personal.
I have never been able to tell anyone about this irl.
But.. during sex ,my dh has started to make a slighly self conconcious sort of grateful bleating sound. It totally puts me off/ has led to avoidance for me. I just dont know how to tell him the effect it has . Mortifying.

u

I think he’d find it really funny and would then promptly turn it into a column.

That cost kept him and you dry as a bone!! You'd rather have gotten a little wet with him .... oh stop, I must stop now

Wha?

I don’t get what the ick was?

Bleating!!!!

You have finished me

OMG, I had one who called my breasts "titties" - it literally made me feel sick

I've had that too. Baked bean breath and he hadn't been eating baked beans. Vile.

One guy's ick was that he was wearing sandals... which is pretty normal given the region where 40c is usual for the summer.

One guy was similar to what you describe - super-masculine, deep voice etc but would use diminutives WAY too frequently.

Finally - and this is probably my biggest regret of an ick - was a guy I was really crazy about - I got an ick when he stopped wearing glasses and moved onto contacts.

Baked bean breath is making me want to retch 🤢

Yes, my most recent one was exactly like this! I had to adapt my breathing in order not to choke/die. But, that same tongue was used to extraordinary effect elsewhere. Gives me a hot flush just thinking about it.

I think the orthodoxy around "the ick" is all wrong.

Yes its definitely a thing that you can get the heebie geebies about someone and can be turned off them. But I don't think its always irreversible and I think its often a sign that your subconscious has gone into overdrive about something which isn't necessarily about the person, its more about you.

I've got it fatally before but I've also sometimes been able to come back from it with someone who has redeemed themselves sufficiently in other ways.

Let's be honest: almost everyone you are intimate with will at some point display behaviour which is unappealing, unsexy or irritating. It's virtually impossible to find someone who literally doesn't have any annoying habits. I do think a lot of the time the "ick" is you over-reacting to something that triggers you.

I got it really badly years ago with a guy who I was seeing who burst into tears after sex. I found it really unappealing, mainly because I was quite offended, and it was an on-the-spot dealbreaker. And in fact I was really rude to him when I saw him socially over the next few years (which I'm quite ashamed of). I later found out he had been physically abused by his long term ex-girlfriend which explained his mental state and I recognised that I was freaked out by being exposed to some trauma way too soon.

We never got back together but after a while we became quite good friends (and are still in touch now). I realised later that the "ick" was basically telling me that neither of us was ready for a sexual relationship. It wasn't that there was anything fundamentally wrong with either of us or our relationship it was just wrong place wrong time.

It's not a MN-only word but it's a massive cliche and off-puttingly flippant/twee to me. Like saying "nom nom".

Also seems to encompass a wide range of actual things? In this thread I've read

• habits of long-term partners which never previously bothered you but suddenly you can't stand
• habits that don't usually bother you but for whatever reason turn you off this particular person
• people who are otherwise great but surprisingly have one really annoying habit that you can't overlook (and you know this from the minute you see it)
• bad fashion sense
• you're not attracted to some physical aspect of their body (on which note, a lot of the stuff people have said about men's bodies in this thread reminds me of when I used to lurk on toxic MRA messageboards - their tone when they talked about women's bodies was exactly the same)

So all of this leads me to conclude that it's not a very useful term because if someone said it IRL to me (I hope to god no one ever does) I'd have no idea which of the above they meant.

Oh my god did he say he was “giving you a filling?”

Because I dated a guy who referred to my lady parts as a pie and said that.

Instant turn off. Dumped the next day.