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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The Ick

161 replies

Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 31/07/2022 11:40

Inspired by an article in today’s Observer, AIBU to think that you just can’t get over ‘The Ick’ even if the other person is practically perfect in every other possible way?
When I was 18, I started seeing a man in his 20s - he was like an alpha male on steroids- muscular, deep voice, powerful. This was the 90s and his double denim look reminded me of a young Bruce Springsteen. He really was gorgeous and I was smitten. But…. every time he got drunk, his voice would go high pitched, I mean, if we were in a nightclub and he was trying to tell me something he’d come close to my ear and suddenly turn into Joe Pasquale. This was THE ICK. This perfect man, gorgeous, masculine, respectful, confident made me cower in horror at his squeak.
He spoke normally 90% of the time and was a great man but I just couldn’t get over the drunken voice and the fact that the day after every night out my ear would throb in pain at his shrillness. So I dumped him. This could have been a beautiful relationship with lots of mini young Springsteens on the horizon with a lavish wedding. I just couldn’t get over it. Was IBU?
But what I really want to know about are your Icks?

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/08/2022 23:48

Like hell is 'the ick' a mumsnet word! Hmm I have heard it for YEARS now. Even FRIENDS had an episode called 'The one with the ick factor.'

One experience I have where I got the ICK factor... I was 17 and a guy I met in the pub asked me out. He was about four or five years older than me and he only lived about 10 minutes walk away. We went to the pub three or four days later and then about 10:00 o'clock at night we came back to my house/my parents house and went into the dining room and sat on the couch.

He put his arm around my waist, and to the size 10, '25 inch waist,' 9 stone, 17 year old me, he squeezed my waist and said 'oooh, you've got a little bunch of fat there ha ha ha... I think you can pinch more than an inch can't you.' 9 stone with a 25 inch waist I was. And he totally fat shamed me on our first 'date. I was not even remotely 'fat.'

I already had a bit of an issue about my weight as I'd been 11 and a half stone at school and bullied for my weight, and I had actually lost two and a half stone in a year, and was really proud of it. So my first date - the first guy that ever really properly asked me out - said to me when I was actually slim 'oh you have a bunch of fat there!' It sent me into a spiral of crash dieting to be honest with you as I thought I must still be too fat. I got to 7 stone 3, and my mom said that I was so wafer thin she feared for my health.

Absolute utter cunt, but yes I definitely got the ick factor after that .... I actually stood up and said 'get out of my house.' Baffled as to why I was throwing him out he said 'what..? what's up?' I said 'you basically just called me fat and said about fat all around my waist and that was nasty.' He couldn't seem to understand why I threw him and said he was 'joking.' Stupid cunt. He pestered me for weeks trying to get me to go out with him again, til my dad threatened him with the police.

A similar thing happened a few months later ... a bloke who was about seven or eight years older than me asked me out at work - he was 26 I was 18. I said 'I'm not sure.' He kept talking to me work and following me around constantly ...

I'm not kidding you, this one day, he stared at me across the canteen table and said 'you've 5 big spots on your face haven't you - really red and obvious. Spotty muldoon I'll call you.' I had fairly nice skin, and the 5 spots, were only there coz I was on my period, and I was a fucking TEENAGER. Another utter cunt.

What the actual F? Is this some kind of bizarre way of flirting or trying to get a woman interested, or just nasty-ass negging? I binned that fucker off too. I just walked off and refused to engage with him again.

JeanMarie · 01/08/2022 23:48

A date showed up wearing leather trousers....he was late 50's and had legs like pipe cleaners. No....just no!
One guy wore 'lounge lizard' shoes....white loafers with gold tassles.....major cringe!
Another turned up wearing a Man Utd shell suit and a baseball cap. To my great shame I fell about in hysterical laughing.

IStandWithMaya · 01/08/2022 23:55

A long time ago, in his hall of residence bedroom, he said he used the washbasin as a toilet. 🤮

And then, when I looked shocked, he insisted that he was sure they everyone did that in their room, including all the females. 🤣

Reader, I dumped him.

Christinatheastonishing · 01/08/2022 23:56

I think I'd rather like being serenaded by a Portuguese man in pink cords...

Anyway. My 'icks' are white sticky bits in the corners of the mouth, or a mop of fine, limp, curly hair.

Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 02/08/2022 00:00

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/08/2022 23:48

Like hell is 'the ick' a mumsnet word! Hmm I have heard it for YEARS now. Even FRIENDS had an episode called 'The one with the ick factor.'

One experience I have where I got the ICK factor... I was 17 and a guy I met in the pub asked me out. He was about four or five years older than me and he only lived about 10 minutes walk away. We went to the pub three or four days later and then about 10:00 o'clock at night we came back to my house/my parents house and went into the dining room and sat on the couch.

He put his arm around my waist, and to the size 10, '25 inch waist,' 9 stone, 17 year old me, he squeezed my waist and said 'oooh, you've got a little bunch of fat there ha ha ha... I think you can pinch more than an inch can't you.' 9 stone with a 25 inch waist I was. And he totally fat shamed me on our first 'date. I was not even remotely 'fat.'

I already had a bit of an issue about my weight as I'd been 11 and a half stone at school and bullied for my weight, and I had actually lost two and a half stone in a year, and was really proud of it. So my first date - the first guy that ever really properly asked me out - said to me when I was actually slim 'oh you have a bunch of fat there!' It sent me into a spiral of crash dieting to be honest with you as I thought I must still be too fat. I got to 7 stone 3, and my mom said that I was so wafer thin she feared for my health.

Absolute utter cunt, but yes I definitely got the ick factor after that .... I actually stood up and said 'get out of my house.' Baffled as to why I was throwing him out he said 'what..? what's up?' I said 'you basically just called me fat and said about fat all around my waist and that was nasty.' He couldn't seem to understand why I threw him and said he was 'joking.' Stupid cunt. He pestered me for weeks trying to get me to go out with him again, til my dad threatened him with the police.

A similar thing happened a few months later ... a bloke who was about seven or eight years older than me asked me out at work - he was 26 I was 18. I said 'I'm not sure.' He kept talking to me work and following me around constantly ...

I'm not kidding you, this one day, he stared at me across the canteen table and said 'you've 5 big spots on your face haven't you - really red and obvious. Spotty muldoon I'll call you.' I had fairly nice skin, and the 5 spots, were only there coz I was on my period, and I was a fucking TEENAGER. Another utter cunt.

What the actual F? Is this some kind of bizarre way of flirting or trying to get a woman interested, or just nasty-ass negging? I binned that fucker off too. I just walked off and refused to engage with him again.

Absolute wankers 💐

OP posts:
Ahostofgoldendaffodils · 02/08/2022 00:01

oranmore · 01/08/2022 23:35

The guy I had a crush on sat on the floor of the disco when the DJ played "Oh sit down" by James.
Killed the romance dead

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 02/08/2022 00:05

@Ahostofgoldendaffodils

absolute wankers... 💐

Thank you. Smile Yes they were!!!

ohwhatadustyanswer · 02/08/2022 00:10

My DH is currently giving me the ick by wearing teeny little trainer socks with his deck shoes. He wears them round the house even without shoes on and it looks like his feet are in tiny little sock boats. Just NO! And he still does it even though I absolutely cannot go anywhere near him or his feet while they’re on.

Also a previous man I was dating had barely finished sex when he whipped a toothbrush and toothpaste out of this trouser pocket and started brushing in bed. Must have swallowed the foam as well. Never again!

BonnesVacances · 02/08/2022 00:19

It was always shoes for me. I've been known to totally dismiss gorgeous guys because I've not liked their shoes. So I'd always know if I properly liked someone when I didn't completely approve of their footwear but it didn't put me off them and I was prepared to overlook it. Grin

ManateeFair · 02/08/2022 00:22

Had been on a few dates with someone who had seemed rational up to that point, and he suddenly started talking about his sincere belief in the importance of astrology. Instantly lost all respect for him, never went out with him again.

Watchthesunrise · 02/08/2022 00:42

This one gives me the opposite of the Ick (fanny gallops?)

best one was a guy saying to me on a walk ‘are you hungry lass’
hes scottish

Cactuslove · 02/08/2022 00:48

Mine is recent. Bad kisser. Like used his tongue as a weapon to invade my mouth- I genuinely thought I'd choke on my own tongue as it fled the attack. Just awful. I don't get it. Has anyone ever enjoyed this type of kiss?!

CinnamonJellyBeans · 02/08/2022 01:10

"massive torso" man has cracked me up!

Mamanyt · 02/08/2022 01:15

DoingJustFine · 31/07/2022 14:09

He had a pointy willy. The rest of him was PERFECTION and 100% my type. But his willy looked like it'd been through a pencil sharpener.

👋

BEEN THERE, DID NOT DO THAT! It was just...unnatural-looking. I could not get over it!

rubydoobydoo · 02/08/2022 01:31

Some time in the mid 90s a man in the pub had been flirting with me and he wasn't bad looking so I was seriously considering him as a possibility - then he asked the DJ to dedicate a song to me. And it was "Walk Of Life" by Dire Straits. After I expressed my confusion at his weird choice he tried to say that he'd just asked for the next song to be dedicated to me and it just happened to be that one but I just couldn't get past it!

When I was in my early 20s I'd been seeing a cute goth guy, and one day he invited me for dinner at his - he lived with his parents. When I got there he came to the door in a hideous bright yellow shirt - I'm not sure if I questioned it or if I looked a bit dazzled by it but he said "My mum said I should wear something a bit more colourful if I'm having a girl over"
I think I could maybe have forgiven the shirt (as a one off 😂) but not being dressed by his mum!

RopeyOldBird · 02/08/2022 02:03

He had a picture of his bikini-clad sister on the bathroom door......

Puffalicious · 02/08/2022 02:19

It was a coat. I was 19 and had been invited to new guy's town for the first time. Up until then he'd dressed averagely- a bit boring for my taste but not awful. As we went to leave his flat to go out for the night he put on this waterproof coat . It was called a Drizabone and looked like the kind of thing you'd wear at 45+ to a country fair/ tromping about the wet streets of the Dales. I was horrified; suggested it was too warm/ wouldn't rain, but he was determined. I left. Made an excuse I had a headache and went home.

SpaceGoatFarm · 02/08/2022 02:20

Yeah I'm afraid people going on about what gives them the ick also gives me the ick. It's like an annoying combination of 'I'm mad me' from people who think they live in a shit 90s US sitcom and stealthy boasting about how much more sophisticated they are.

Also people who like the Mighty Boosh and 6 Music.

Puffalicious · 02/08/2022 02:22

This! I can't believe they still make them (this was 30 years ago!).

The Ick
Danceswithkids · 02/08/2022 02:22

He repacked a bunch of snacks I'd got for a festival into tupperware.

I only discovered this when we arrived at the festival so we had to spend the weekend sharing a tent despite the fact I knew whatever we had was dead in the water.

mackthepony · 02/08/2022 02:35

I was wearing a body with a criss-cross lace up fastening (i'm not a medieval milk maid, they were fashionable at the time

^

I'm sorry but 😂😂😂

Mookie81 · 02/08/2022 02:38

Homewardbound2022 · 31/07/2022 15:52

I was asked out for lunch on a very cold winter's day.
When he came to my office I asked where we were going.
He then raised a Tesco plastic bag and said "I have my lunch here, how about the park?".

😂😂
Not even a meal deal for you?!

Mookie81 · 02/08/2022 02:56

RopeyOldBird · 02/08/2022 02:03

He had a picture of his bikini-clad sister on the bathroom door......

Did they tickle each other and take baths together? 😂

abblie · 02/08/2022 03:12

AllPlayedOut · 31/07/2022 11:43

My "ick" is people using the term "The ick".

Me too 😂😂😂😂😂

WishIWasOnHolidayAgain · 02/08/2022 04:15

QuimReaper · 31/07/2022 14:47

Mine was when he used 'pound' as a plural. Several times in one monologue. 'She travels all the way here every week. But that must cost a fortune. Like a hundred pound for the train. Then a hundred pound for a hotel. But she stays like three nights, so about three hundred pound. Then she eats out while she's here, easily another hundred pound. So about five hundred pound! Then she has to get back, another hundred pound. Now we're at at least six hundred pound.'

I was so fatally attracted to this man, and I can't express how powerfully I wanted to clamp a pillow over his face at this point.

@QuimReaper was he from the North East? I've noticed it's very popular up here. I think I might be desensitised now 😱😱😱😱😱

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