To think DH taking the piss a bit

[Lionela]

So, my DH plays sport twice a week and goes out whenever he wants. He also watches sport at the weekend. I need to know that I am not being unreasonable as I feel as though he is never here but I don’t want to be a psycho wife who never lets their DH do anything. This weekend he has gone to a festival, left yesterday and back tomorrow. I feel so lonely and feel like I need more support with the kids (5 and 2). I feel like I am falling out of love with him, he Will just say I am being unreasonable so it’s pointless talking.

He is taking the piss! He’s got it made.

He’s trying to make you feel guilty and feel bad, a classic DARVO tactic (abuse).

You say he work full time and you part time. Why have you paid for a holiday yourself? Is it that he spends money on all his weekend outings and sports as he sees it as HIS money?

keep posting and I would suggest that you speak to someone in real Life and WA.

Listen @Lionela you do it all on your own anyway, going abroad would be no different.

I bet he does other things as well? He’s verbally abusing you, is now being manipulative and is very controlling. Look up emotional abuse OP.

He sounds awful!!

I just don’t understand how he doesn’t see the issue?

It's simple OP. He doesn't care.

All too often, as nice people we think that if we explain enough to someone how they are hurting us and how unreasonable they're being, they'll understand. We think that if we explain it in the right words, in the right way, they'll understand.

But this doesn't work with unreasonable people who don't care.

He knows it's unfair. He knows he's lazy. He knows he's selfish. He just doesn't give a shit so doesn't plan to ever change.

He's counting on you never leaving him. He's that arrogant.

Stop wondering why he is the way he is and start focusing on why you're accepting it and how you can exit the relationship.

Because he really doesn't care and really won't change.

It doesn’t matter if a recording contains either of you calling each other anything - the important thing you need to recognise here is that he is prepared to threaten sharing a recording with your children that would only achieve to damage and hurt them. What kind of parent does that?

You’re not achieving anything with talking because he’s clearly creating his own narrative and justifications. You pointing out weaknesses/flaws in his logic just makes him double down. You can’t reason with fantasy, it’s lost before it’s even begun because he’s making up the rules as he goes along.

You need to be strong enough to stay in your reality, not his.

You should tell him you are recording how often he is out of the house , so you can show the kids what he was up to

He sounds like an emotionally abusive bully.

You're doing the right thing.

Of course he sees the issue. He just doesn't care. Just because he married you it doesn't mean that he loves and respects you. It really doesn't.

Now you've dared challenge him he's showing his true colours. What sort of swine would show his own children text messages that will only confuse and upset them?

In every way possible you are already a single parent. Stop trying to understand him, it's a waste of your time. He won't change and you certainly won't change him either.

He is projecting his behaviour on to you. He is the one that wont be part of a 'team', who thinks flying solo for most of his spare time is acceptable as a father and a husband. He is the one who has destroyed your family and he did a long time ago. This is called facing the consequences of your behaviour.

Be prepared for him to contribute as much or less time to the children now. I very much doubt you will be seeing them less than before. The chances of him stepping up as a father post split are slim to none.

His behaviour now is showing his full abusive colours. the language, the texts, the DARVO, be prepared for it to get much worse. Your financial security is the main thing you should be focusing on. Get copies of everything. Start thinking about how to make it work financially without him.

He is not in your team, so keep saying that to yourself. He is kicking off as you have set boundaries and he is acting like a teenager. To record you and tell your DC shows his level of maturity and why your in this situation. I wouldnt worry about him having your DC 3 days a week as he wouldnt cope with the inconvenience and would stop pretty soon. Stay strong and focus on having a happier life without the manchild in it