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Original poster

To think DH taking the piss a bit

136 replies

Lionela · 30/07/2022 20:52

So, my DH plays sport twice a week and goes out whenever he wants. He also watches sport at the weekend. I need to know that I am not being unreasonable as I feel as though he is never here but I don’t want to be a psycho wife who never lets their DH do anything. This weekend he has gone to a festival, left yesterday and back tomorrow. I feel so lonely and feel like I need more support with the kids (5 and 2). I feel like I am falling out of love with him, he Will just say I am being unreasonable so it’s pointless talking.

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 31/07/2022 14:03

Imagine the next 7 days without him - better? Worse? Same?

Cornettoninja · 31/07/2022 14:05

Mate, your DP is categorically not a good father. He might make it to ‘ok uncle’ based on his behaviour. He has no interest in diverting some of his efforts to make himself happy into making his children happy and providing a solid background to their childhoods. They’ll see it at some point - everyone with shit dads (and mums) does.

if anyone deserves contempt it’s him, don’t let him hog that pedestal he’s built on his own justifications and bullshit.

Cornettoninja · 31/07/2022 14:07

Oh and you’re not a ‘psycho wife’ though you’d be justified in giving it a bash. You have completely normal societal expectations of your partner and father of your children. He’s the one whose not up to scratch here.

FabFitFifties · 31/07/2022 14:36

He is not being a partner or a father, and I agree with PP that he is treating you with contempt. You deserve better - as do your children. Your children are stuck with him as a father- you are not stuck with him as a partner. He might be forced to up his game as a father if you separate. Or he might not. He is belittling you, to avoid facing the fact that he is the problem.

whynotwhatknot · 31/07/2022 14:39

Once again i find myself thinking why do some people have children-oh its ok the wife will sort everything out i can just carry on like i did before

Harrysmummy246 · 31/07/2022 14:40

It's more he's a selfish arsehole than you being a 'psycho'

PrionOn · 31/07/2022 14:47

I had one of these. Start working towards leaving and don’t let him feel you back in if he pretends everything will change. I wasted 23 years with mine.

Kennykenkencat · 31/07/2022 14:52

Lionela · 31/07/2022 10:20

He also ‘forgets’ to let me know what time he is coming home as apparently he is just too focused on getting home, he makes
me feel like this is all me. I am not saying he isn’t a nice guy because he is, a good father, husband….no way in my eyes

How is he a good father and husband if he is out all weekend or watching or playing sport. You have identified that his priorities aren’t you and the children

I wonder what he would say if he came back from his sport to find a baby sitter instead of you in the house. Or you booked a weekend away and left him with his children to look after instead of watching sport in peace

WimbyAce · 31/07/2022 14:53

I mean I feel hard done by at times but my oh sounds like a Saint in comparison. Has he always been like this with the kids? Does he even ask about going away or just does it? I think you need to ask yourself what is the point of him?

Kennykenkencat · 31/07/2022 14:54

If you divorced I think you wouldn’t be burdened wondering what time he is going to get back or having to accommodate another adult popping in and out of the house expecting you to be there.

I would think you would feel freer, still have time with your dc and still get to go out whenever you want by getting a sitter and have EOW for free time.

The only one who a divorce would negatively affect would be him as he would have to start looking after his own children instead of doing precisely what he wants to do when he wants to do it.

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/07/2022 15:11

Lionela · 31/07/2022 10:03

I sent him a text last night, his reply was that I am never happy with what he does and who he does it with. He said said if I am so u happy with my life and jealous then it is only my fault as I won’t do anything about it.

Ohhhhhh that reply would have me 'do something about it'...

That something would be to chuck out his shit and lock the fucker out next time he pisses off out to play. Then text him 'you're single now, I'd start looking for somewhere to live before it gets dark'. And then block/go silent.

Not advice you understand, that is just what I'd do.

He doesn't want what you want and that can be ok if people are willing to make compromises (god knows I do not want to talk about model trains or Lawnmower Deth but himself likes it, and he listens to me and entertains the stuff I like)...

But he has checked out, he WON'T compromise AND he is nasty when asked to do so.

So get rid, move on, you'll have more free time if you do as he can have 50/50 with the kids!

Penguinsaregreat · 31/07/2022 15:21

I get you op.
You didn’t make the decision to commit to him and have a family do that you could live the life of a singleton.
You want a partner who is a proper partner and committed father. Nothing wrong in spending some time sort but this is taking the Micky.
I would however do what has been advised here and start to go out without him. Build up your social life. Even if you don’t have a friend to go out with take some ‘me time’ book it in advance and stick to it so one evening a week whereby he then has to stay in the house, alone with the kids. Go to a vista coffee and take a book if you have to. Or go to a class. Anything just to get your mind in order and start to see what life could be like without your waste of space oh.
Good luck op.

thenewduchessoflapland · 31/07/2022 15:30

Wombat27A · 31/07/2022 13:31

Is he angling for you to throw him out?

Makes you wonder if he is where he says he is and isn't messing about with another woman

lastminutedotcom22 · 31/07/2022 18:04

@Lionela
Do not waste anymore time with this man he's clearly not family minded
Get rid

Original poster
Lionela · 31/07/2022 20:21

I’m just so scared to make the move, what if regret it? Will the kids hate me?

OP posts:
C0mfyChairP0se · 31/07/2022 20:38

No they won't hate you. You are the one they feel safe with. I left when my dc were 4 and 1 and so glad I didn't leave it longer. My dc1 just wanted to be with me. Dc2 never seemed to miss him.

cptartapp · 31/07/2022 20:51

Well he's shooting himself in the foot, because if you split over this he'll struggle to keep up all his activities when he has sole care of his young DC 24/7 half of every week.
Remind him of that.

Original poster
Lionela · 31/07/2022 21:05

He has just said to me that I will miss out as I won’t see the kids for 3 days a week and the kids will kiss out on me too because I can’t be a team.

OP posts:
C0mfyChairP0se · 31/07/2022 21:11

Call his bluff and say he is right, you need to build a happy life too and that you trust him to look after dc 50:50

C0mfyChairP0se · 31/07/2022 21:13

Don't be manipulated.
It's not you standing in the way of a family life, you're not the one who opted out of The Team

Original poster
Lionela · 31/07/2022 21:13

He also said that I am horrible and he is packing his stuff.

OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 31/07/2022 21:24

Lionela · 31/07/2022 21:13

He also said that I am horrible and he is packing his stuff.

He is packing his stuff to threaten you into stopping complaining. He is a lazy misogynist. He wants you to feel so guilty about splitting ip the family you will put up with anything. If you bargain with him to not leave, he will get worse.

Original poster
Lionela · 31/07/2022 21:27

I’ve let him go.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 31/07/2022 21:32

Thank Christ OP.

Welcome to a great new start.

Original poster
Lionela · 31/07/2022 21:34

Please help me be strong. I don’t want want the kids to be from a broken family.

OP posts: