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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New neighbour ignores me

51 replies

Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:30

A young lady moved in next door a few weeks ago (mid terrace house, low fences). I have attempted to start a conversation on 3 separate occasions and she has completely ignored me. My DH said maybe she’s deaf, but I heard her today on the phone speaking normally in perfect English! I’m baffled, any explanations?!

OP posts:
bangersandsmashhh · 30/07/2022 20:31

Can you give some context?

you are right in front of her and brightly say hello and smile and she walks past you saying nothing?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2022 20:32

Leave her alone. She doesn’t want to talk to you and that’s her prerogative. Not everyone wants to be mates with their neighbours.

Travis1 · 30/07/2022 20:34

She doesn’t want to talk to you. It’s not a requirement to have a relationship with your neighbours. Leave her be

girlfrien · 30/07/2022 20:35

Why are you worried. There are some strange folk around but not your problem. Your not missing out of anything.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/07/2022 20:36

My sister is deaf in one ear and often ignores people by accident so she can still use the phone but just the other ear that does work.

bathbombaholic · 30/07/2022 20:36

It is rude tho. It's not hard to say hello back to someone or even smile

Original poster
Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:37

Yes exactly, never experienced anything like it

OP posts:
Backtoreality1 · 30/07/2022 20:37

Maybe she has had bad experiences with past neighbours being too chummy and wants to avoid that. Just accept that not everyone wants to talk to their neighbours

TeapotTitties · 30/07/2022 20:38

What did you say on the 3 separate occasions?

And did she really just ignore you without a single word or a nod etc?

cawfeee · 30/07/2022 20:42

Unless there is a disability, it is rude to just ignore someone, it doesn't hurt to smile or say hello.

LittleBrenda · 30/07/2022 20:42

I moved house after our neighbours severely harassed us and it completely freaked me out when my new neighbours kept trying to strike up conversations. I honestly couldn't cope with it at all. I thought it was going to happen again. I was all

'she has a pony tail and the other one had a pony tail'

When we first pulled up they pulled the curtains back and had a peep out at us and I threw up in the car.

And I'm not like that at all usually, I'm a confident person.

It took me months to talk to them.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 30/07/2022 20:45

cawfeee · 30/07/2022 20:42

Unless there is a disability, it is rude to just ignore someone, it doesn't hurt to smile or say hello.

It doesn't hurt, no, but she might not want to and that's ok.

iklboo · 30/07/2022 20:48

She's perfectly entitled not to want to engage with you. Let her come round in her own time, if she wants to. Imagine if it was a bloke saying this about his new female neighbour.

betty1239 · 30/07/2022 20:51

My neighbour used to peep out the window at us and if I looked up she'd hide 😂 whenever I tried to politely say hello in the street she'd power walk away like I'd attempted to stab her! I presume she had severe anxiety or mental health struggles as it was definitely very unusual behaviour to say we lived nextdoor for 8 years!

Original poster
Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:51

Its not necessarily a problem just found it strange and thought there might be a explanation I hadn’t thought of. I’m not bothered or nosey and don’t want to be friends but no idea why someone would mind a neighbourly hello, and the odd small talk

OP posts:
blebbleb · 30/07/2022 20:53

It's very rude to ignore you, but she clearly wants to be left alone. I don't enjoy small talk with neighbours but do it to keep the peace. We have an "interesting" bunch though Grin

Seashor · 30/07/2022 20:53

I had exactly this with my new neighbour. After my third try I gave up and completely ignore her now. Ironically I chat to the husband and have a laugh with him!

Hell00 · 30/07/2022 20:55

I have a neighbour that keeps trying to talk to me despite me spending a lot of time giving off what I thought was very clear signals I didn’t want to engage (her and her husband emotionally abuse their son).I now completely ignore her but the hellos and attempts to start small talk carry on.

She probably thinks I’m rude. I find it hard to believe that she still carry’s on trying to chat when I’ve ignored her or given her very short answers for three years now

GrilledWatermelon · 30/07/2022 20:56

I kept nodding and smiling at our new neighbour when we moved in, he completely blanked me multiple times so I let him be. Turned out he had cataracts...

I guess she doesn't want to be chatty. That's OK, don't take it personally...eye contact and small talk might be hard for her, don't force it. Keep a kind impassive face but don't catch her eye or talk. She could be shy or anything, who knows!

The lady up the road from me didn't speak for 6 months, but we've advanced to a hand raise now.

Original poster
Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:56

Ok well I’ll definitely leave her be. But I’m not convinced it’s anxiety as it wasn’t as if she was avoiding me just ignoring

OP posts:
cherrypiepie · 30/07/2022 21:02

I'm fairly sociable and surprised how I have turned out it generally don't want to stop talk to neighbours. I can manage a slight smile and a slight wave. But I hate being seen or having to go for parcels.

She doesn't have to talk to you and maybe she just needs a bit of time. Maybe just smile and wave.

UrsulaPandress · 30/07/2022 21:03

Rude.

XenoBitch · 30/07/2022 21:04

Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:56

Ok well I’ll definitely leave her be. But I’m not convinced it’s anxiety as it wasn’t as if she was avoiding me just ignoring

She can't really avoid you if you are already there right in front of her. She might have anxiety, she might just be rude. In either case, she does not owe you a response.

I have bad anxiety, and if someone in my street speaks to me, all I can muster is a very awkward smile.

Homeiswherewestay · 30/07/2022 21:05

Autism?

BongoJim · 30/07/2022 21:05

Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:51

Its not necessarily a problem just found it strange and thought there might be a explanation I hadn’t thought of. I’m not bothered or nosey and don’t want to be friends but no idea why someone would mind a neighbourly hello, and the odd small talk

Maybe because there were problems at the previous property so they don't want to get too involved again? Where I lived before there were terrible problems with neighbours and when I moved to my new place I made a conscious decision not to get involved with neighbours and keep them at arm's length. My home is my sanctuary and when you start getting too involved with so e people their problems start to become your problems. I didn't speak to many people when I moved to my new place because I didn't want to get mixed up in other people's drama again and decided to keep myself to myself.

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