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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New neighbour ignores me

51 replies

Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:30

A young lady moved in next door a few weeks ago (mid terrace house, low fences). I have attempted to start a conversation on 3 separate occasions and she has completely ignored me. My DH said maybe she’s deaf, but I heard her today on the phone speaking normally in perfect English! I’m baffled, any explanations?!

OP posts:
Hyvsvaar · 30/07/2022 21:09

Could she be wearing AirPods? I do and I’m also in a ridiculous situation where I need varifocals but I don’t have money so use my glasses for distance but keep them off so most of the time I can only see about a meter in front so when out doing the bins or gardening ….it’s bliss I have audible blasting away and I’m oblivious to everything else

cawfeee · 30/07/2022 21:10

lisavanderpumpscloset · 30/07/2022 20:45

It doesn't hurt, no, but she might not want to and that's ok.

Show quote history

Which is rude.

DramaticSunflower · 30/07/2022 21:12

Maybe she is less invested in you than you are.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/07/2022 21:16

Ah well you can refuse to take in her parcels because you don't want to give her the stress of having to <gasp> knock on your door and ask you
Or you don't want to reward her tardy behaviour
Saves you having a hallfull of boxes too.

Win Win

Lou98 · 30/07/2022 21:18

When you've tried talking to her, is it from your garden over the fence when she's in hers or are you right in front of her with her looking at you for example?

Only because, I'm partially deaf myself and I can have a conversation on the phone as long as the other person isn't too quiet but if you were talking to me from your own garden, chances are I wouldn't know you were talking to me as I wouldn't hear what you were saying.

If she's in front of you looking right at you and it's obvious you're talking to her then that's different.

It could just be that she's being rude and ignoring you but it is possible she could have a hearing problem without being completely deaf

Circleofshells · 30/07/2022 21:21

Echo65 · 30/07/2022 20:56

Ok well I’ll definitely leave her be. But I’m not convinced it’s anxiety as it wasn’t as if she was avoiding me just ignoring

@Echo65 it seems likely that she hears you but assumes you’re talking to someone else unless you walk up to her. I think I would probably assume this, so few people randomly engage in conversation even if they’re neighbours. She might be wearing earphones maybe? I definitely do this.

nbrown2022x · 30/07/2022 21:21

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2022 20:32

Leave her alone. She doesn’t want to talk to you and that’s her prerogative. Not everyone wants to be mates with their neighbours.

How aggressive! She wasn't harassing the neighbour she was being friendly!

newbiename · 30/07/2022 21:21

Homeiswherewestay · 30/07/2022 21:05

Autism?

Wow Biscuit

nbrown2022x · 30/07/2022 21:22

These comments are just so fucking ignorant it's astounding. Even if she didn't want to talk, she could still at least smile and nod, or a simple hello would suffice.

42isthemeaning · 30/07/2022 21:22

Homeiswherewestay · 30/07/2022 21:05

Autism?

Please don't - I find this offensive

XenoBitch · 30/07/2022 21:24

nbrown2022x · 30/07/2022 21:22

These comments are just so fucking ignorant it's astounding. Even if she didn't want to talk, she could still at least smile and nod, or a simple hello would suffice.

She may have done that. We just have OP side to go on.
OP could have just said a one off 'hello', or followed the new neighbour to her door with small talk.

TheSoapyFrog · 30/07/2022 21:29

Could be a multitude of reasons. I have ADHD and sometimes don't realise someone is trying to speak to me until they're in my face.
I've also had really bad neighbour experience. The ones I'm next to now I was cordial with and then they made a malicious report to SS. Living next door to people who I did a lot for and was friendly with has become unbearable now. I've had crap neighbour after crap neighbour. It doesn't matter if you're nice to them or ignore them, they always end up being shit.

Next time I move, I'm not engaging at all.

CallOnMe · 30/07/2022 21:29

Oh no I’m worried this might be me (although I think that regularly on here and then it turns out to definitely not be me lol). I have not met one of my neighbours yet but I’ve met their partner.

FWIW I’m very friendly but also very shy. I’m shy and I have autism which means initiating conversations is really difficult and often holding a conversation with someone I don’t know well is too.

I also have earphones in quite alot as I enjoy listening to music or audiobooks and will listen as I am cleaning, gardening or just sitting bin my garden.
If someone spoke to me I probably wouldn’t be able to hear them.
So they could be wearing earbuds too!

I think it’s really rude to not speak, especially if they’ve not long moved in.
They don’t have to be overly friendly but a hi and nice to meet you is common decency.

I’m just wondering if you’ve spoken to her in the front?
Some people don’t like having to talk when they’re in the back garden so maybe she’s trying to avoid it so you’re not chatting over the fence all of the time. Her last neighbours may have been pains.

Kerrrmieee · 30/07/2022 21:30

I was placed in council housing with low fences after being in private rented with high fences all round.

Even in the private rented I sometimes didn't want to hang washing out incase a neighbour said hello.

I was distraught moving here and being able to be seen in my garden. My washing wouldn't get hung out, I'd do my gardening at 8pm. I don't answer the front door.

Maybe she's not a weirdo, maybe she's like me.

Please leave her to settle in.

DeniseRoyle66 · 30/07/2022 21:35

My dad is deaf in one ear so sometimes people think he's ignoring them or being rude. Some people have social skills issues. Some are shy. Some are just rude. It's a bit odd you're overthinking this enough to post on a parenting support forum though so maybe ask her or just leave it?

LBF2020 · 30/07/2022 21:36

Our neighbours are like this. I wave hello as we pass in the street and they look right through me/or turn and look the other way. I find it hard to override the instinctive 'hello' reaction. Our other neighbours are very friendly and have confirmed that they get the same treatment.
I have created a backstory for the family which helps me to not take it personally 😂 (safe house/witness protection etc...)

EmmaH2022 · 30/07/2022 21:49

OP you still haven't given any context. How far were you, what did you say etc.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 30/07/2022 23:02

cawfeee · 30/07/2022 21:10

Which is rude.

Show quote history

Not wanting to engage is NOT rude. I wouldn’t completely ignore someone if they spoke to me, but the neighbour isn’t obliged to get involved beyond a polite hello. Granted, in this case the OP didn’t even get that, which is a shame, but what can she realistically do, other than accept that her neighbour isn’t particularly sociable?

AliMonkey · 30/07/2022 23:06

I'd think it was rude as well - but then I'd remind myself that if DS was your neighbour, you'd think him rude too as he has selective mutism (it's an anxiety-related condition that means he physically cannot talk in most situations other than in familiar places with people he is close to) and try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Brigante9 · 30/07/2022 23:07

After a very painful neighbour who wanted to be my best friend, I can totally understand her.

Womencanlift · 30/07/2022 23:09

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/07/2022 21:16

Ah well you can refuse to take in her parcels because you don't want to give her the stress of having to <gasp> knock on your door and ask you
Or you don't want to reward her tardy behaviour
Saves you having a hallfull of boxes too.

Win Win

Why is MN so obsessed with neighbours taking in parcels? In my 20+ years of living in my own home I have never been asked to take in a neighbours parcel and never had one of mine delivered to someone else.

Either I arrange to be in to collect it or it goes to somewhere I can click and collect

It is not rude to not want to talk to your neighbours. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are autistic either (🙄) it just means that people want to be left alone and absolutely nothing wrong with that

Nat6999 · 30/07/2022 23:10

I'm very wary of neighbours after having the old man next door in my first house stood in the back window wanking whilst watching a very pregnant me, my then husband & our families clearing the back garden & the man I had painting my new council house telling all the new neighbours all my business before I moved in which led to me being harassed & threatened by a family who lived a couple of doors away.

cawfeee · 31/07/2022 00:10

@WomanStanleyWoman2.
My original post.
Unless there is a disability, it is rude to just ignore someone, it doesn't hurt to smile or say hello.

No mention of engaging in anything beyond basic civility.

jimmyhill · 31/07/2022 00:22

She doesn't owe you anything, leave her be

Bubblebubblebah · 31/07/2022 00:23

Can totally see now why so many people have no one to help when something happens.

No need to be mates, but polite hello and first name exchange is just a standard. Then nod and go on your way the other times.