Demisexuality

[ThePriceOfSugar]

I hate using the nouveau term for this, but it is useful shorthand.

I am 24 and single, and I find I am just not sexually attracted to anyone if I don't have an emotional or intellectual connection to them. I have zero interest in sleeping with even very attractive people without that connection.

It's not that I am playing coy or only want to do it in the context of a serious relationship, but purely that I have no arousal or interest until I am close with someone or admire them.

I'm definitely not asexual and I've experienced this with both men and women, so I don't think it's an orientation thing.

Is this normal/ a thing lots of people (women) experience? Or am I hormonally unbalanced or something? I have never had a ONS, and to some degree feel I am missing out on some fun experiences.

AIBU?

So if someone is happy having sex with someone else just because they fancy them is there a new tangled word for them??

Do we care? Do we need a special word for those who don't drop their pants at the mere glance of Rob Lowes face or a whiff of Jude Law's pheromone laden scent?

I honestly think that's quite normal, and not something to which I would attach a particular label. Plenty of people need their brain to be engaged before any sexual interest kicks in. There's a danger of over-thinking this sort of thing. There's no point in having a ONS with someone you don't fancy because you don't know them very well - it's only a 'fun experience' if you feel lust for them - you are not missing out on anything.

I'd call that pretty normal and certainly not something that needs a sexuality label! You like sex, with the right person, what's so weird about that?

I think most women want a connection before sleeping with someone

While some of these terms are useful I think it’s quite damaging to have special words for what is completely normal and make people feel like they must put themselves in a “different” box

Why does that need a label? It’s just a personality!

I’ve shagged two men, and married both of them. What am I? Nupto-sexual?

That used to be regarded as ‘common decency’, maybe more - but not exclusively- amongst women than men . It seems quite sad that there has to be a special term for people who engage their brain before shagging anything that moves, and a term which seems to have a slightly contemptuous ring, as if this sort of discrimination ( in its original complimentary sense) is somehow lesser than just f——king around.

I am just as repelled by the label as you all seem to be, but my stance is not a common one in my city and age bracket, so sometimes I use it.

I wanted fresh perspective and you're giving it, so thanks!

Also love nupto-sexual, I'll try that out on my next date

There really doesn’t need to be a word for this, it’s normal.

I mean, how does anyone in your city know your stance?

Just sleep with who you want to sleep with, or don’t. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Honestly, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter.

This is literally normal. Having sex with people you don’t know and don’t care about is what is weird.

Goodness I’ve heard it all now.

So you need an an emotional connection of some sort in order to have sex with someone and we now have a label for this?

Sorry to break it to you but you’re not special

Didn't that used to be called Sapio-sexual?

I'm the same, OP.

I think it's fairly normal to feel that way, and it's just an attitude to relationships rather than a sexuality?

This is me, although I have always called myself a sapiosexual

Demisexuality - when you can only be bothered half the time.

Totally normal. Some people don't do one nighters and wait til theyre in a relationship before they have sex.

So - you are not into casual sex, you need to be emotionally and intellectually connected to a person before you go into an intimate relationship with them?Sounds like a perfectly common relationship to me.

🤣

Yes this is me and someone called me demi sexual once because I've never had a ONS or casual sex. I think it's normal, however, based on conversations with quite a few of my friends who are/feel the same.

It used to be the norm. I’ve never had a one night stand/wasn’t done thing in my group of friends. Norm was meet someone get to know them and then sleep together. Random hook ups with strangers were not norm. Don’t put a label on it. It’s quite normal to feel that way. It makes sense to only have sex with someone you know for a lot of reasons - feeling a connection, feeling at ease, safety etc.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping with someone if I didn’t have an emotional connection with them.
But I do certainly feel sexual attraction for others even if I don’t know them properly.

I see how that is different to what you’re describing - but in practice it doesn’t make an ounce of different.

I don’t know why you need to make it a ‘thing.’ I’m sure there are many things about you that are special and defining OP. This isn’t one of them though. Really clutching at straws here OP if that’s what you are after.

Back in my day you slept with people you fancied. It didn’t have to lead to anything. Eventually you found someone who you fancied and felt a connection to and settled down. If it didn’t work out you started again.
The current “young “ generation are so complicated.
Maybe it’s because they meet in a virtual world rather than a night out, a party or a disco. There are far too many rules and expectations.
Sometimes your life mate meets none of your criteria. You may go through life looking for the one who ticks all the boxes and actually miss “the one”. I nearly did but took a leap of faith, 30 years later we are still a thing 😁

Not hoping to be anointed as special and different, merely curious.