Demisexuality

[ThePriceOfSugar]

I hate using the nouveau term for this, but it is useful shorthand.

I am 24 and single, and I find I am just not sexually attracted to anyone if I don't have an emotional or intellectual connection to them. I have zero interest in sleeping with even very attractive people without that connection.

It's not that I am playing coy or only want to do it in the context of a serious relationship, but purely that I have no arousal or interest until I am close with someone or admire them.

I'm definitely not asexual and I've experienced this with both men and women, so I don't think it's an orientation thing.

Is this normal/ a thing lots of people (women) experience? Or am I hormonally unbalanced or something? I have never had a ONS, and to some degree feel I am missing out on some fun experiences.

AIBU?

I think this is how most women feel but we've been convinced by societal norms and media that we should be able to have sex without any kind of connection.

For myself, I had to really be into someone to have sex with them and even it was labelled "no strings" I would feel sad and rejected if I didn't hear from them after.

Don’t most people need to feel a connection before they sleep with someone? It sounds pretty normal to me.

It's more than what you're reducing it to.

Demi means not even feeling attraction to pin ups during adolescence. It means growing up thinking you're broken because you're not ogling guys with your friends. Being called frigid or lesbo for not being interested in that got guy at the party.

Doesn't mean you don't have ONS, but that if you do, you don't get what the fuss is about and leave feeling kind of dirty (and not the good sexy kind of dirty people describe to me).

Whilst being more reserved about sex gets seen as somehow more virtuous and therefore what 'good girls' should aspire to, it also comes with a sense of brokenness and confusion.

It's more than just being selective.

And yes, @Angrymum22 , I think the app-based meetings are pretty unnatural. Many people (apparently mutually) expect to have sex on the first or second date. This is on Bumble and Hinge, considered "dating" rather than "hookup" apps where I'm from

The point is op that many people, male and female, feel like this. It's not new. But current gender woo would have you convinced that somehow it's new and groundbreaking. It really isn't.

Fucking LOL 🤣

It's not that I am playing coy or only want to do it in the context of a serious relationship, but purely that I have no arousal or interest until I am close with someone or admire them

So you are just like most other people.then.

Please read The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry.

What you are describing is typical female sexuality and doesn't need a stupid special name.

God help me - not another new word! Can we just settle for the word normal?

How much of this do we think has to do with the normalisation of porn and porn culture in general?

I ask because a couple of quite traumatic experiences and my own issues with developing real deep connections with men (I'm heterosexual) caused me to be quite hypersexual in my teens / early 20s. Looking back now it felt like a form of self harm and it doesn't give me happy memories.

I think what you experience is perfectly normal and healthy OP and its sad that its now seen as unusual.

I'm also repulsed by the "feminist" trend of Sex Positivity, under its definition "having or promoting an open, tolerant, or progressive attitude towards sex", which I read as "women should be up for anything or they are NEGATIVE"

I’ve shagged two men, and married both of them. What am I? Nupto-sexual?

I've shagged two men but only married one of them. Can I be Demi-Nupto-sexual?

I think I'd class myself as demisexual. I've never had casual sex and have had romantic feelings and a connection with every man I've had sex with. I slept with my boyfriend on the first date but I had a feeling that we would be together, we had a sort of electricity between us from the moment we met. And 6 months later here we are 😂

I can't believe grown adults call themselves Demi/Sapio/aro/skulio etc, it's just absurd.

You're just someone who doesn't have one night stands. What's the big deal?

Nupto-sexual is brilliant 😄

Adding to the chorus OP, this really doesn't need a label, it's very usual. Seems like everything suddenly needs a label. I blame social media.

I am wondering if you're in a UK city and what age bracket this is, though I realise you might not want to say. i'm amazed this has a label!

Is there any normal/weired any more? Over the last couple of years I've had sex with people I feel no real connection with and found it liberating for myself. If that's not for you don't do it.

That’s normal! Most women don’t leap into men with a man because he’s hot. Surely normally it’s many dates in before most people would sleep with another person.

So. Many. Labels!

You're just someone who doesn't have one night stands. What's the big deal?

Exactly welcome to the herd.

That is called being an average human being. Most of us require a connection with a person in order to want physical intimacy.

@JosephineGH I haven’t. Some wedding bunting, maybe?

I'm pleased that the consensus seems to be that I'm a normal person. I would love to meet more of the same 😄

What you are describing was how most women used to be ( At least the ones who spoke about it)
I am exactly the same-
never has One night stand-
No need for a name-
It’s just the way you ( and many others) are.