What is the obsession with encouraging children from 18+ to move out? Why not live together?

[SoloPolox]

I understand the importance of independence and feel someone doesn't need to live in their own home to be independent. I understand that later down the line when adult children get married and have children, it might not be realistic for everyone to live in the same house although even then, I'd like to think with some open mindedness and flexibility that it could work and has many benefits (in addition to cons of course). But I don't understand why we encourage adult children to live on their own? Obviously there are those who enjoy it which is a different thing. But I just read a story today about a young woman who took her own life even though she had a 9 month old due to experiencing abuse from her partner. It appeared she lived on her own with the baby at the time. I can't help but think that had she been living with her parents perhaps things may have looked very different. The elderly can often feel lonely, and I imagine would feel less so if living with or very close to children and grandchildren. Mothers are finding it hard to raise children on their own for a lot of the time whilst their husbands are at work (not exclusively husbands at work), and both Mother and child would do much better with the regular support of grandparents. I'm not taking into consideration those with strained relationships and difficult personalities where the distance is required, and I know it's not always logistically easy due to careers and other commitments. But I do feel there are many that could benefit from this but it seems to be frowned upon?

Absolutely this. I have an 18yo stepson and while I don't infantilise him, he reverts to the role of 'child' himself, just wanting to play his computer and do fuck all under the heading of 'responsible behaviour'.

I could happily live with him (or any other adult 'child') if they were pulling their weight as an equal member of the household, but more often than not they will still act like a child.

I'm so grateful ours didn't come home after uni, but instead decided to go off and live their own lives in house shares/with partners.

It's much nicer for everyone. We have a life of our own, so do they and they aren't stuck in an artificial extended adolescence living in their childhood bedroom with mum doing their cooking and washing for them.

I moved out at 20 in the mid 70s and shared with five other young women. It was only for about 6 months but I really enjoyed it, the others were two medical women, a hairdresser, a factory machinist, a trainee business manager and me, a building society admin worker.

Socially it was great and I met lots of other people that I got to know through my housemates.

Certainly made leaving home permanently later on pretty easy.

I don't see any long term benefits of it at all.

We have about 30 years until we are 'elderly', and I don't think they would want us looking over their shoulder while they create their own families, any more than we would want the expectation that we help them raise their children. We've been there, done that and don't want to do it any more.

Nope, they can live their lives, we can live ours and have a lovely family relationship rather than some awful co-dependant nightmare

At least it's paid and valued (even if grossly undervalued) economically when provided by strangers, so gives a modicum of financial independence.

It depends if you only consider the academic side as self development? I did a 'mickey mouse/party' degree and am now on a 6 figure salary because I did more academic stuff when I was working.

What I got out of my first degree was much more important to my development and none of it was academic - I went as a shy, scared kid that was too nervous to ask for something in a shop without someone telling me what to say. I moved to the other side of the country and had to stand on my own two feet without my parents for the first time in my life, I found my self confidence, my self motivation and learnt to be independent. I went home briefly after uni but only for the summer after and then I moved into a house share

I think it’s different when a woman chooses care as a paid career with fixed hours, which allows her to live her life as she wishes and be independent. Vs women doing unpaid care in the family home with no choice and no income to give them independence.

@bellac11

But I agree too many people doing degrees which are a waste of time and money, dont really contribute to the persons overall development and cause delay in them getting a job and earning a good income.

But higher education isn't only about the words printed on the degree certificate or the contribution that makes to their earning power. It's often a first opportunity for a young person to live away from home in a semi-supervised environment but where they are expected to fend for themself but without having to lurch straight to marriage or cohabitation with a partner when you're young and not ready.

It also often affords them the opportunity to leave their hometown and to meet a much broader variety of people with different backgrounds, opinions and political views than they would have met had they stayed at home, broadening their horizons hugely.

I think there have undoubtedly been some people going to university in recent decades who weren't strictly speaking getting value for money and with slightly questionable degrees at the end of it. But I think university gives millions of young adults a once in a lifetime opportunity to try being themselves for the first time and that's definitely not a bad thing.

Because I'd have murdered my mother if we were forced to live together much past 18. I hated living at home and our relationship has flourished since I left.

When me, my sister and mum lived together we were honestly like wildcats at each other's throat. I'd hate to still be in. What is essentially
someone else's house where I have to live by their rules/lifestyle as an adult in my own right.

Having elderly parents living with you is only going to work if someone is not working or working part time or the elderly person is at a stage of being fairly fit and well and can be left for hours whilst people are at work. This would not work with those with dementia or people who need a lot of hours of care

Agree. We should be paying carers more not expecting women to do it for free