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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu to charge DSS rent to live here whilst he is studying?

114 replies

loubielou31 · 28/07/2022 09:08

I know this should probably be in parenting but aibu gets more traffic. DSC has asked to live with us whilst doing their final year at uni, when little they lived with their mum but has gone to a uni fairly near us and next year it just works to live here. Obviously we have said yes, and DDs are really excited to have their big sibling here for a longer time, that might wear thin when they have to share the bathroom.
Anyway my aibu is, should we charge rent? Which I sort of think we should as a principle but how much is fair? They had to pay rent for shared houses/hall of residence in the other years. Do we just ask for a contribution to the food bill which will massively increase with another fully grown adult in the house. I don't think it will impact our energy bills having one extra person, the heat and light is the same (and I think all of us will be on timed showers come the winter to try and keep costs down)
If they were working and earning it's a straight yes, you pay rent, but adults who are studying I am not sure what is fair.

What have others done in this situation? Thanks

OP posts:

GeriTheBerry · 28/07/2022 09:10

I wouldn’t.

Does your partner contribute to DSS’s living costs?

jalopy · 28/07/2022 09:11

Personally, I wouldn't charge rent.

Thecupofdoom · 28/07/2022 09:14

Do they have an income?

I'd imagine they've moved in with you to save money, so charging them the same as accommodation will probably push them out.

HollowTalk · 28/07/2022 09:15

No but I think they should contribute towards food.

wonderstuff · 28/07/2022 09:16

How’s he financing his costs at the moment? I don’t think I’d charge rent, but I would want a clear discussion on practical arrangements, is he eating with you, buying his own food, toiletries etc?

HoppingPavlova · 28/07/2022 09:17

Absolutely not, they are at uni. Ffs.

Earlymenopausesucks · 28/07/2022 09:17

I wouldn’t, we’ll actually I don’t. DS and DD are both at home as we live in reasonably close proximity to the universities they have chosen. The one condition was they don’t take any form of student loan or overdraft.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 28/07/2022 09:18

I would say a contribution towards food is fair. And some ground rules about housework/cooking etc laid out in advance!

Danceswithkids · 28/07/2022 09:20

Wouldn't DH be paying towards his child going to university if they weren't staying with you? I'm not sure I understand where this money is supposed to be coming from?

Sswhinesthebest · 28/07/2022 09:20

I imagine he’s moving in to save money. I’d be helping out if I could. Why wouldn’t you, unless you really can’t afford it?

At the very least, save his rent and return it when he moves out.

MissTrip82 · 28/07/2022 09:20

If you need the money, yes.

Otherwise I wouldn’t. If he’s been paying rent he’s already learned the life lesson that things cost money (and if he has decent parents he’ll have learned that long before he moved out).

I was fully self-funded from 17. No contribution from the government or my parents whilst I went through med school working to support myself. I’d like to make my kid’s path a little easier if I can.

Bookshadow · 28/07/2022 09:21

It depends on how much you pay towards their studying and living costs. If you are giving them a few hundred a month you could reduce that by an appropriate amount as they will no longer need to pay rent. If you are not going to be contributing very much to their upkeep as they will be living with you you cannot charge them extra on top as your lack of contribution will already be an effective charge.

Dotjones · 28/07/2022 09:21

No you shouldn't charge them anything, definitely not while they are studying.

forlornlorna1 · 28/07/2022 09:21

My dd pays a bit towards food but she does have a job as well as her course. If I could afford not to take anything at all I would. But she also likes to pay her way as much as she can.

Cadot · 28/07/2022 09:21

No, of course not. Parents need to help their DC financially through uni.

Willyoujustbequiet · 28/07/2022 09:22

No. Absolutely not.

Unless there is a dripfeed it will help balance those years he wasn't living with you where child support doesn't go anywhere near the actual cost of raising a child?

pumpkinpie01 · 28/07/2022 09:22

I would ask him how much his loan is before making any decisions. My niece who lives at home studying only got £1500 less loan than my daughter who was away from home paying £520 a month in rent . My niece had a job as well and ran a car , she is not short of money at all .

Kitkatcatflap · 28/07/2022 09:23

Do you need the money more than he does? I think you should definitely ask for a contribution to food and establish ground rules - ie bringing people home, housework, washing etc.

redskyatnight · 28/07/2022 09:23

Is DH paying a parental contribution towards Uni costs?

With DS we've said if he chooses to do this we will pay him the parental contribution but we then expect board (at a lower level than market rate). Although this is essentially us giving him money and him then giving it back we figure it's a useful exercise in terms of getting him used to budgeting/treating him like a grown up etc.

WillitFit · 28/07/2022 09:24

Is their student finance calculated on the assumption rent will be paid?

Is his father contributing to his living costs?

If his income is assuming he will be paying rent, then yes, I'd take it off him and set it aside to pay back later. I don't think it does him any good to have extra money to fritter, but that will depend a bit on how he is generally with money.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/07/2022 09:24

You need to ask the student what they think finances will look like for them next year-what do they envisage?

Are they claiming the ‘living at home m’ or ‘living away from home’ maintenance loan?

Northernsoullover · 28/07/2022 09:25

I've been wondering about this myself. I might have two in university next year living at home. I think I might charge a small amount to contribute to their excessive gaming costs.
I'm doing 3 jobs to make ends meet so I think its only fair that they contribute a small amount. They both have part time jobs and will receive some funding. If money wasn't tight I probably wouldn't.

ArcticSkewer · 28/07/2022 09:26

Presumably your partner is currently paying towards his living costs, so you could stop that payment and see this as payment in lieu instead.

Tiani4 · 28/07/2022 09:26

If course you don't charge them rent- they're a studying Uni student - whose Dad should be financially supporting them still !!!- as they're dependent adult (that's what the bank will call 18-21 Uni students DCs)

They're on very little money (maintenance loan) that s/he has to pay back, Do you think all the parents (or their mum) charge their Uni student children rent for the 5 months (outside Uni terms) that they come back home in between terms for?

If their Dad hasn't been subsidising their last 2 Uni years by sending money as they need something and paying for food parcels/ those times they've run out of money, then you have got off VERY lightly so far!

Seashor · 28/07/2022 09:27

I’m with HoppingPavlova , word for word.

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