Wibu to charge DSS rent to live here whilst he is studying?

[loubielou31]

I know this should probably be in parenting but aibu gets more traffic. DSC has asked to live with us whilst doing their final year at uni, when little they lived with their mum but has gone to a uni fairly near us and next year it just works to live here. Obviously we have said yes, and DDs are really excited to have their big sibling here for a longer time, that might wear thin when they have to share the bathroom.
Anyway my aibu is, should we charge rent? Which I sort of think we should as a principle but how much is fair? They had to pay rent for shared houses/hall of residence in the other years. Do we just ask for a contribution to the food bill which will massively increase with another fully grown adult in the house. I don't think it will impact our energy bills having one extra person, the heat and light is the same (and I think all of us will be on timed showers come the winter to try and keep costs down)
If they were working and earning it's a straight yes, you pay rent, but adults who are studying I am not sure what is fair.

What have others done in this situation? Thanks

No I wouldn't.
If adjust my outgoings where possible to accommodate the extra food bills.

No of course not. I'd expect your husband to still be financially supporting him at uni.

Do have a chat about ground rules and duties around the house though.

I have never taken any money from any of my children whilst out of work and job hunting or in education and a doing bit of part time working, including up to a Master's degree because I know most students leave uni with £10k debt on top of government loans. Unless they sell drugs or their bodies this is the norm to leave with overdraft up to its limits and credit cards maxed out. Once they have left education and have a full time job then yes they have made a contribution. I know years after leaving uni my children are grateful for the helping hand I could provide for them. My dd who is super good with budgeting and had £9 savings before she started uni, left with debt of £3.5k and we paid for her accomodation and gave her a £100 a month contribution to buy her some food. Many of her friends left with up to £15k debt. If you can your DSS he will not forget your kindness.

We had our DNephew living with us for almost 3 years whilst he was at Uni, he had no income and we wouldn't have expected a penny.

He is now back with us, whilst saving for a deposit for a house but the difference is that he is now employed full time and does pay "board".

I couldn't imagine charging a DSC without an income anything.

Of course you should ask him to pa towards the food and other bills which increase while he is with you. I can't understand why people are saying not to.

DSis charged her daughter the basics in the same circumstances.

I would be expecting him to help out around house and not expect to be waited on like a guest. He could cook once a week for family, empty bins, unload dishwasher, peg out his own laundry on to line etc.

Yes a reasonable allowance for food. Unless you are loaded. Also reasonable sum towards bed and board if he is extravagant he is with outgoings (new phone, new clothes, nights out, holidays). If he is making determined efforts to stay within budget and save for the future), maybe just negotiate with him to earn his keep through chores and jobs around the house.

Thank you all for the responses, especially for the posts about student loans, contact hours and sensible ground rules. We will have a chat and decide what we think is fair. For all our DC. Leaning towards contribution towards extra food but it is interesting to see the differing opinions and being reminded that, as ever in parenting, there isn't one right answer just the one that is right for you and your family. 😊

I don't ask my children to contribute while they are studying but I do when they are working.

Of course you shouldn't charge him.

No of course you can’t charge him rent, he’s in his final year of Uni!!

I must've missed the differing opinions because it was a resounding No, don't charge rent.

I'd say food will be your only issue, will he want family meals or to cook for himself.

He does his own washing, is the drier to be used?
Overnight guests as you have younger ch
Big cooked breakfasts etc

But I wouldn't charge rent, but make it clear when he gets a full time job, then that would change

Dd is at university and living at home. She’s got a part time job but I still don’t charge her anything. I buy her food.

she gets less student loan than if she lived in halls.

I wouldn't charge but I would say you expect him to certain chores like hoovering once a week for example.

A nominal amount for food is fine. If they are also working, perhaps more.

If they are at uni ( on a first degree) then they are classed as dependants i think.
? If at home am.unsure if they wd get loan for accom costs.?at be worth checking?
Otherwise, id assume they are classed as a dependant and just ask for them to get their own food as a usual student would .( if affordable )

What about takeaways? My DSS wanted to order in - but just for himself. When he'd already been fed a proper meal plus snacks available. I'm afraid we said no way but definitely ask this question too. Mainly because it's a total waste of money as he'd already been catered for but that's my issue. I just couldn't see one person ordering a food delivery for a family home just for themselves. DSS is 18 by the way and lives with us and I love him like my own but my god is he lazy. Make a fricking sandwich if you are hungry 🤦🏻‍♀️.

I absolutely wouldn't charge rent though in your position- definitely a food contribution though. Enjoy this year though. It's lovely he wants to live with you.

Poor kid. He's probably only doing this because he can't make ends meet. I'm sure he would much rather continue living with friends in a flat or something.

My father tried to do this with me, except he wanted to charge me for living at home during the university holidays, even though I had to pay for university accommodation over easter and Christmas. The result was that I never went home again. I organised my life so that I had a variety of live in jobs each Easter, Christmas and summer. Fortunately, I had a particular skill that made finding live in jobs easily.

My father died a few years later, and I can't even recall the last time I saw him before his death. He wasn't interested or supportive. Please whatever you do, try to make your DSS feel supported, and welcome.

No. If they are full time students and no income how could they pay ? They may have applied for a maintenance loan but if they state living with family they will not get the full Wack. I wouldn’t. Family is family.

I wouldn't. I would ask that they buy their own food though, but I would still include them in family meals they were there for.

He will get some form of maintenance loan. I assume that will be the reduced level as he is 'stay at home' I'd look at the difference between last year's Live out loan, and this year's stay at home and any additional parental contributions and see what the balance is.

I would charge him something as he will still be getting a loan I assume so needs to be realistic about it costing to live. But it might be that difference in loans means that he looses quite a bit. I would be clear that he should not expect additional support from your household in terms of cash/paying for stuff(phone,bus,student events etc) if you are accommodating him though.

His maintenance loan will be reduced by £1500 if he lives with one of his parents, unless you are in London, when it is reduced by £4500! So you need to take that into account.

Also, do you realise that if your DSS lives with you, you and his DF are responsible for topping up his maintenance loan, @loubielou31?

The maintenance loan is means tested. When parents are divorced, it is based on the household income of the parent that the student usually lives with. If he is living with you, it will be based on your household income (not just his DF's income, your income is included). If your joint household income is over £25k, you will be expected to top up his maintenance loan. The amount you are expected to contribute increases with income, up to £4574 per year (for a student living at home) for households with a joint income of more than £60k.

If he has no income? Then definitely not, but also if they're studying pretty much full time I'd be happy to support that.

That's very useful thank you.