Wibu to charge DSS rent to live here whilst he is studying?

[loubielou31]

I know this should probably be in parenting but aibu gets more traffic. DSC has asked to live with us whilst doing their final year at uni, when little they lived with their mum but has gone to a uni fairly near us and next year it just works to live here. Obviously we have said yes, and DDs are really excited to have their big sibling here for a longer time, that might wear thin when they have to share the bathroom.
Anyway my aibu is, should we charge rent? Which I sort of think we should as a principle but how much is fair? They had to pay rent for shared houses/hall of residence in the other years. Do we just ask for a contribution to the food bill which will massively increase with another fully grown adult in the house. I don't think it will impact our energy bills having one extra person, the heat and light is the same (and I think all of us will be on timed showers come the winter to try and keep costs down)
If they were working and earning it's a straight yes, you pay rent, but adults who are studying I am not sure what is fair.

What have others done in this situation? Thanks

omg no!!!

Presumably they've been topping up already though, the last 2 years?

I think that a contribution to food would be good to ask. However more importantly you need ground rules for behaviour. Laundry, cleaning their room, getting home late, overnight guests, cleaning up after themselves when cooking, using the bathroom, noise levels early and late etc.

Yes, he should definitely notify Student Finance of the change of circumstances, and the means-testing will switch to your household income rather than his other parent's. That could have big implications for him and for you.

No. They're DH's child. Presumably you wouldn't charge his other children (your children) if they choose to live at home when studying in the future.

I would, however expect DH to reduce his contribution to their living costs (hopefully he's helped them out so far?) on account of the fact that they'll be living at home and have less outgoings. Depending on how much DH was contributing in previous years and how much of that he will now withhold, possibly I'd consider asking DSC to make a small contribution to the household budget for food etc.

I would also expect them to live like part of the household and not as a guest. So to do their fair share of chores, babysit their siblings occasionally (if applicable depending on their age) and to not come and go at antisocial hours without prior agreement.

Ffs 🤦‍♀️
You get one chance to offer meaningful support in most cases to your children. This is it.

OP hasn't answered that question, @ArcticSkewer, so I'm guessing not. The DSS lived with his DM growing up so student finance would have been based on her household income when he first applied. TBF, her DH might still have been contributing by paying child maintenance until he leaves education or giving his DS money informally and might not have been involved in the SFE application so don't know how it works, maybe his DS received the full loan because his DM's income is less than £25k.

Eurgh. Would anyone do that? Not pay for two years and then go a step further and actually charge for the final year? I can't imagine it. Surely everyone knows the student loan needs topping up by parents?!

If you would charge your own flesh and blood under the same conditions then yes. I didn't charge my DS when he was going to Uni therefore would not charge my DSS either.

Plenty of Mumsnet threads would indicate otherwise, @ArcticSkewer !

No. Rather you'll just stop the money you will have been giving him monthly the last 2 years towards living expenses. Then use that money towards extra food costs.

I really really really would not charge him anything. This is your chance to truly support him, if you can afford it. He is young and just starting out. He can use his money to save for something useful, or maybe have a bit of fun.

'He can use his money to save for something useful, or maybe have a bit of fun.'

Exactly. It costs so much to support dc living out at uni you'd think most parents would be pleased fo have the much cheaper at home set up.

I'd charge a small amount and then give them it back at the end as a surprise. Would obviously let other parent know.