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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to charge DSS rent to live here whilst he is studying?

114 replies

loubielou31 · 28/07/2022 09:08

I know this should probably be in parenting but aibu gets more traffic. DSC has asked to live with us whilst doing their final year at uni, when little they lived with their mum but has gone to a uni fairly near us and next year it just works to live here. Obviously we have said yes, and DDs are really excited to have their big sibling here for a longer time, that might wear thin when they have to share the bathroom.
Anyway my aibu is, should we charge rent? Which I sort of think we should as a principle but how much is fair? They had to pay rent for shared houses/hall of residence in the other years. Do we just ask for a contribution to the food bill which will massively increase with another fully grown adult in the house. I don't think it will impact our energy bills having one extra person, the heat and light is the same (and I think all of us will be on timed showers come the winter to try and keep costs down)
If they were working and earning it's a straight yes, you pay rent, but adults who are studying I am not sure what is fair.

What have others done in this situation? Thanks

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 28/07/2022 09:58

I also am assuming that your DH is giving a financial contribution while dss is at uni so that will cease if he moves in with you. We contribute to ds when he is at uni but not in the holidays so that gives us the extra back to cover increased food costs. Ds then works in the holidays to give him extra. If he was living at home while at uni we would not charge him but we would also not need to top up his loan.

willithappen · 28/07/2022 09:58

Presumably he wouldn't get the full loan if noted he is living at home - therefore parents obligation to make up shortfall

V4Vienetta · 28/07/2022 09:59

I would ask for a contribution towards food and bills. He is an adult and in the financial position to contribute something even if it's very minimal

CatSeany · 28/07/2022 09:59

No, I wouldn't charge rent for a student. I'd just expect a little help around the house, mowing the lawn occasionally, washing the car, vacuuming etc.

Bunnynames101 · 28/07/2022 10:00

I think it depends on how his student finance is affected by your income/living at home.

If he doesn't get full loan because of your income and you don't top up, the least you could do is provide him somewhere free to stay. If you do top up he could give you nominal rent that covers all bills and maybe food, like it would in halls (not that halls is nominal, just that it's often all inclusive).

I remember students used to get less loan if they live at home with parents whilst studying rather than moving away. I think if this is still the case then he shouldn't be paying rent.

FirewomanSam · 28/07/2022 10:02

My parents helped me with accommodation costs when I was at uni, which I think is pretty normal for parents of uni-aged children if you can afford it. Most student finance takes parental earnings into account for that reason, because there’s an expectation that parents will continue to support their children financially to some degree while they go through uni.

How is his dad supporting him at the moment? If he’s already giving him some money for uni expenses then it might not be unreasonable to reduce that a little when he comes to live with you. But taking some of the money he’s earning while working alongside his studies as ‘rent’ seems very mean.

FWIW my parents divorced and both remarried when I was at uni, and if either of them had told me I’d have to pay to stay in the family home I’d have been devastated.

hobag82 · 28/07/2022 10:04

I think given that the amount of maintenance loan is adjusted downwards if the student lives at home and also it is based on the parental income the expectation is that the parent continues to support the student.

I personally would not expect any rent but if you did decide to charge an amount as that is the expectation in your family I would put it aside for a rental deposit and first months rent etc when they are ready to move out if you can afford to do so.

When my son was at uni, his maintenance loan was the lowest amount (around £3500 per year) so we had to pay his rent of circa £500 per month. He then used his loan to pay the bills and food etc. I would have loved for him to be living at home as it would have been much cheaper for us Smile

ChuckItBucket · 28/07/2022 10:08

I’d tell him that as long as he pitches in around the house with chores keeping it clean, cooking, washing up etc then he doesn’t have to pay rent. If he doesn’t keep up his end of the bargain then it might be reasonable to charge him. He can eat with the family but any top up food or treats should be paid for out of his own money. If he saves his wages then that’s good for after he’s finished uni.

if you don’t need the money that is. If you’re struggling to cover costs then he will have to pitch in. Just realised you didn’t specify sex but I’m too lazy to change it all

Sally872 · 28/07/2022 10:10

If you need the money then i suppose you don't have a choice.

My children won't be paying rent while studying. They will be making a small contribution to household when they have a part time job but not buying their own food.

Once they are working full time i would charge more, still cheap but a reasonable amount so they are used to paying bills rather than having full income as disposable. I intend to save this for them to have back when moving out if possible.

Original poster
loubielou31 · 28/07/2022 10:12

I know he is DSs but this is very much a WE not just his dad. I love him very much and am really pleased that he wants to live with us.

@Kitkatcatflap I hadn't even thought about overnight guests. 🤦‍♀️😱😂

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 28/07/2022 10:12

He is at university. His father should be helping to support him financially, not charging rent or other living expenses.

Cosmos123 · 28/07/2022 10:14

No I wouldn't.
He is a student. Would your husband charge his other children rent whilst they were studying and living at home?

Treat them all the same and that will go a long way.

Triffid1 · 28/07/2022 10:15

I wouldn't be charging rent, no (assuming money isn't an issue for you). But I absolutely would be laying down the ground rules very clearly up front and I would expect him to be contributing in other ways. I went away for uni but on holidays and for my siblings who stayed home, parents paid for everything but we were expected to help with chores - cooking, tidying up etc - and be considerate - eg the rule in our house was always you had to say if you were home for dinner or not so that food wasn't prepared for you if you weren't, ditto if you were home/not home overnight etc. We were also expected to contribute in an ad hoc way such as popping to shops to buy bread and milk or hanging up washing or whatever.

Cosmos123 · 28/07/2022 10:15

'FWIW my parents divorced and both remarried when I was at uni, and if either of them had told me I’d have to pay to stay in the family home I’d have been devastated.'

Take heed. This is the mental impact you could have.

Tandora · 28/07/2022 10:16

Ofc you don’t charge him rent while he’s in his final year of uni! His dad should be financially supporting him through his education , not making money off him while he’s studying.

Unbored · 28/07/2022 10:18

Does he get a full loan or do his parents needs to contribute?

One of my DDs is going to uni in September and she only entitled to the minimum loan so we are paying for her rent. If she chose to study at the local university we certainly wouldn’t be charging her and would probably have to give her money towards equipment and travel.

SarahProblem · 28/07/2022 10:23

If you don't need the money I would not expect that he pays any rent - maybe get his own food or contribute towards the food shop.

You might say to him he might have to buy anything 'special' food and toiletry wise and he will have to contribute to the house in terms of housework (if your other DC do) but I think that should be the extent of it.

One thing you'll have to recognise as well is the amount of time he may be at home. Contact hours aren't massive for most courses. So make sure you're clear that he'll have to clean up after himself as its not a holiday home.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/07/2022 10:23

"If they were working and earning it's a straight yes, you pay rent, but adults who are studying I am not sure what is fair."
DS came back to live with us during lockdown, we didn't charge rent as we saw this as our parental contribution.

PhotoDad · 28/07/2022 10:28

As PPs have said, if he has told Student Finance that he will be living at home, then he will get a reduced maintenance loan. If he hasn't, then I'd charge him rent! The amount if any that you are topping up the loan is also important.

mowglika · 28/07/2022 10:31

Bloody hell. They’re at uni. Would you charge your DDs to ‘stay’ with you while they study?

If my answer wasn’t clear no I wouldn’t charge my child or my step child while they lived with us but I would expect them to cover their own expenses such as travel, food while out, clothes etc.

LindaEllen · 28/07/2022 10:32

Wouldn't charge 'rent' but would expect a contribution to bills and food (they'd have to pay that living at uni anyway, and they get a loan for exactly that purpose).

I'm very very happy for those people who can just have another adult living with them and not ask for any money, but I personally couldn't afford that, so my hands would be tied.

guessmyusername · 28/07/2022 10:32

Dd lived with us through uni. We never charged anything when studying, but when she was working in long summer holiday she contributed to household. We supported her because we were able to and we wanted her to do well (which she did).

Sunnysideup · 28/07/2022 10:34

No of course not. I’d have to be proper skint before I started taking money like this off my kid.

FilthyforFirth · 28/07/2022 10:37

Of course you cant charge a child rent whilst they are studying full time. Extremely harsh.

I dont ever plan to charge my children rent to live in their own home, though I appreciate I am fortunate to be in that position. But I thought it was pretty universally agreed that studying children shouldn't have to pay rent?!

latetothefisting · 28/07/2022 10:37

You still haven't said how he is funding uni other than through a part time job. Even if he has the full maintenance loan there is an expectation parents will top up the rest as it usually isn't enough to live on.

Therefore your dh should have been paying towards his sons rent, food, etc for the last 2 years. If he has then just reduce that amount and keep it for any increased bills. If he hasn't then he owes ds that money and should give it to him and not be asking his son for money!

I have never heard of anyone charging their kids to live at home while studying, whether they have a part time job or not, rather most parents I know continue to financially support their child until they get a full time job. Even then there is a lot of discrepancy on here about how much, if any, to charge.