Wibu to charge DSS rent to live here whilst he is studying?

[loubielou31]

I know this should probably be in parenting but aibu gets more traffic. DSC has asked to live with us whilst doing their final year at uni, when little they lived with their mum but has gone to a uni fairly near us and next year it just works to live here. Obviously we have said yes, and DDs are really excited to have their big sibling here for a longer time, that might wear thin when they have to share the bathroom.
Anyway my aibu is, should we charge rent? Which I sort of think we should as a principle but how much is fair? They had to pay rent for shared houses/hall of residence in the other years. Do we just ask for a contribution to the food bill which will massively increase with another fully grown adult in the house. I don't think it will impact our energy bills having one extra person, the heat and light is the same (and I think all of us will be on timed showers come the winter to try and keep costs down)
If they were working and earning it's a straight yes, you pay rent, but adults who are studying I am not sure what is fair.

What have others done in this situation? Thanks

What income does he get while studying? I wouldn't be charging university age dc if they stayed at home.

Presumably your husband has a standing order to your step son for his share of the parental contribution to his living costs?

It would not be unreasonable to reduce that to reflect the alternative contribution you're going to make by providing free accommodation, as rent and food are really the main thing parental financial contribution is meant to cover - fun money is covered by loans or a part time job, and the parent not providing free accommodation and food's financial contribution should still cover transport and study costs like books, printer ink, any compulsory study trips or whatever.

His father should be supporting him thro uni so a strong no from me

No I would not.
I would set up some ground rules about comings and goings, friends over, whether you will be expecting him to join you for meals (or communicate if not).
This is one of his homes, and he's not a lodger.

I wouldn’t charge rent. I would only ask for food money if I couldn’t afford to pay the increase in cost but that would be the bare minimum. It’s only for a year, so temporary anyway.

I'm all for charging DC a contribution towards a family home, but not when they are in education.

I would ask for a few quid for food though.

Well either your husband should be contributing to his living costs whilst at uni or you could save that money by putting him up himself.

I don't see why on earth you think he should pay rent, when this arrangement surely saves you both money!

My mind boggles on this one. Its completely different to him just sitting on his arse doing nothing or even working.

He's a student!

No you shouldn’t be charging him rent. I assume he’ll be getting a student loan based on the fact he’s living at home so it would be very unfair to charge him.

No you absolutely shouldn’t be charging them! They’re studying, not earning, asking to live with you and going to be sharing a bedroom too, clearly they’re trying to save money wherever they can 🤷‍♀️

How are they funded for uni? Does your partner and his mum contribute equally to this? If so perhaps your partner could reduce this slightly to cover the cost of food should they want to eat with you all / share food etc otherwise let them buy they’re own food and cook for themselves then I don’t have to worry about the cost of feeding them.

Will you charge your DDs rent if they remain living at home whilst at uni?

No. His loan will be smaller based on him living at home.

Student Finance expects parents to support their children whilst at uni. You’d be taking money when there isn’t any allowed for it.

Thank you for the replies, living with us is actually about practicalities rather than money. DSC does have a decent part time job that fits in really well with studies so does have some income.
There has always been an assumption in our family that post 18 you get greater freedom but also an expectation that you take on (at an appropriate level) more responsibility for yourself, and this might include financial responsibility. Post 18 I never lived at home, went to uni and then got a job so wanted a bit of a clue on what others do.
DSC is the oldest and our friends have younger children, no-one in RL to ask what they do.
It is a genuine question.

Sorry just reread you said sharing the bathroom not bedroom, that’ll be better 🤣

I personally wouldn’t charge rent but if you’re struggling financially then I’d charge the absolute minimum like £10 or £20 a week.

Of course you don’t charge them rent when they’re still at uni. A bit gobsmacked that anyone would.

@hobag82 Well actually this is another reason to ask, because we will do the same for them all and we are having to work this out a bit sooner than I expected. Children grow up much too fast.

I wouldn't. Let him put money aside from his PT job so he is in a better position to find a place after he's finished studying. It is only a year, and this is one of those ways in which kids from good families get a little leg up in life.

I wouldn't if in uni and it can help them keep debt less
Maybe they buy a bit food every now and again

Nope absolutely would not charge rent

My DM always said she would never charge me or brother whilst we were in full time education.
As many have noted, your husband has a financial obligation to help him whilst he is studying and is surely making these contributions currently?

@Jaaxe two teenage girls and a young man, the bathroom is going to be mess! 😂

I think there are so many variables it is hard to say.

1. Has your husband given him financial support over the last 2 years, if so he could stop that which would give some money for extra costs.


2. Do you need the money?


3. Does he get a full loan?


4. Does he need to cut back on his job for his final year?

None of mine lived at home while at uni, 3 of the 4 came back for a year. We didn't charge them but the rules were that they kept their stuff tidy, sorted out their own laundry, cooked dinner once a week and bought a take away once a week or cooked twice a week for the whole family. It didn't always work quite like that but at least we had the framework.

My son loves at home because he can't afford the rent on a flat, Bristol rents are astronomical. He pays us a share of bills and food, not actual rent per se. It works for both parties.

Going to go against the grain here because if he lived in a flat share or even student accommodation he’d have to pay his way, I don’t see how this is any different personally. He’s an adult and he has a job so of course he should pay, he should in the very least buy his own food.

If he's been getting the full loan due to parental income then there isn't a financial obligation is there? I thought the obligation was to make their money up if they couldn't get the full loan.

Obviously it is nice to help them but that is different.

Did you say how much maintenance loan he’ll be getting, @loubielou31 ?