To think DH being out of the house 12 hours a day is a long time

[UnreasonableSheep]

He has a long day and a long commute on top of that meaning he's often gone 8am - 8pm. He doesn't make a lot of money (working for the family business and apparently it'll pay off eventually 🤨). I stay at home with our 2.5 year old and 6 month old and it is exhausting. I'm trying to work but with the children it's very difficult and I only manage to do a couple of hours a week either when the baby is napping or after they're in bed (which has to be late as otherwise DH wouldn't see them).

By the end of the day I just end up sticking DD in front of her tablet so I can get stuff done.

It feels like a lot. Is a 12 hour day normal? I know this is like asking how long is a piece of string...

It's pretty standard for people who commute into London. I know loads of people who get a train between 7&8 am and don't get back till 7-8 pm.

And that's when there's not a fuck up on the trains, which seems to occur at least once a week. I think the record was having to pick DP up from the station 12 miles up the line at gone 10 one evening.

Sorry but you need to separate these 3 problems before you can move forward with a plan, because what you came to MN with (long hours primarily) is not the real problem as such.
1- He is financially abusing you
2- His family are financially abusing him and his family
2-The impact this has on you and what you are going to do about it.

8-8pm isn’t abnormal in many professions but is abnormal and not financially worth it if your DH is working a desk based job for less than £70k pa.

The fact he’s not high earning (you assume but can’t actually know this since he doesn’t share family money or finances with you), and the fact he is financially abusing you are more worrying than his hours.

Your option is to get back to work- do you have any one that can look after the children while you go for interviews? Will your husband pay for nursery while you are starting to earn money. Make it clear you need a job since he has no money and he is refusing to share his like most one income families with a SAHP.

Dh leaves at 5am gets in at 6pm. I work part time so a lot of home responsibilities fall to me. It's easier now ds is in school (not in hols tho!!) dh helps put ds to bed on evening but that's generally it. Weekends are shared responsibilities. When ds was under 5 he went to nursery 2 days a week so I could work and get stuff done. Now he's at school he goes after school club when needs and 1.5 days a weeks in hols.

You could ask your dh to be home earlier, say leave at 6 be home by 6 so he has time with kids in evening and you get a break.

There's your problem in a nutshell

You need to get out to work.

Why/how did you give up work pre dc?

I’m sorry - it sounds very stressful to be doing 12 hours of solo childcare and trying to fit in work as well. I agree with others who have said that you need to share the income or else pay for childcare so you can earn for yourself. How would he feel if you turned up at his work, dumped the kids and told him he could fit his work around looking after them? Sounds like the whole family has a tendency to get as much as they can out of family members while holding on to as much of their own money as they can. Not nice.