No longer find DH attractive.

[Tryingtobehonest]

I know I will get some hate for this but there is a lot to unpack.
DH is a few month older than me but looks a few years older. I go to gym, work hard to look good and keep him interested. He WFH, smokes, drinks from 5pm and doesn't do any exercise. Got worse during COVID and he doesn't make an effort.
Here is the corker, if I gain weight, he calls me fat, if I refuse sex, I'm frigid or a lesbian. Watching TV the other night he was going on about how much he would bone some buxom but slim woman on TV.
I now get dressed in the bathroom (he works in the bedroom so I have no space to get up and dressed).
He is middle aged, beer gut, balding and I feel sick having sex. But I can't be anything but attractive and even then it's not enough.
Am I being unreasonable to want to tell him that giving him a BJ with his fat gut in the face would not be attract to a hot busty Brazilian and he needs to get over himself? Or would I deflate his ego?

making inappropriate comments to my adult (not his) children and he comes across as sleazy.

What a dickhead.

To the male adult children...comments about sexual prowess.

We are more educated/mindful and he is the meat on a plate, pint or 10 in the pub mindset. He was raised in pubs and saw women bring the ate of food to the men on a Sunday. He is in his 40's but thinks this is okay.

Tbh, I have been cheated on and treated badly before and so have stupidly thought that at least he isn't cheating. At this point I don't think I'd care if he was.

So physically repulsive, horrible personality AND a misogynist dinosaur. Just go. You don't need to work on yourself, that's just procrastinating. Put a plan in place now and leave.

😘

When are you leaving him!

I'd be surprised if you get any hate as he sounds appalling.

Raise your bar. You deserve so much better.

You are right. I needed to hear that.

I just want to cry at the thought of you and all the other women with men like this, who think this is normal 😭
Please leave and be happy.

Yes, the working on yourself will come after! You can't raise your self esteem while in his presence.

Oh yuck, if he was my husband I would be telling him quite plainly how disgusting he is physically, I'd let him have it.
I wouldn't tell him if he was a nice person but he is a horrible person so he deserves it.

If a man made any kind of inappropriate sleazy comment to my adult child I'd be long gone! Get some self respect. You and your children deserve better.

He sounds absolutely bloody awful!!!

Sorry OP but I agree, no one should speak to you like that. You deserve way better x

Some men think they can get away with looking like a fat slob because we let them. The same men expect us to always look slim & attractive as they are entitled brats.

Your call whether you want to put up with this entitled fat slob 🤨

It's going to be difficult to work on your self worth with this hideous man underminding you all the time!

The minute he made inappropriate comments to my children, he'd be gone OP. He sounds like a monster. Get rid.

No redeeming features and it sounds like your self worth would be better if you left him. Good luck!

Seems like you don't have any kids together so that simplifies things a lot I'd say. I'd being hitting the ejector seat button and getting rid. Imagine how lovely your life will be without that creepy toad in it. Agree with the pp who said your self esteem won't improve until he's out of your life.

I'm astonished that you think you are going to get hate.
He is an absolute pig and I'm sure you know this deep down.
It sounds like you have been ground down by his warped perspective for so long you don't trust your own instincts.
We are here to tell you you are right, he is wrong and you will be a million times happier when you leave.

I think he projecting also the comments about your weight are likely linked to his awareness of his own short comings and he inadvertently wants to reduce your self confidence so you don’t leave him.

Jesus Christ OP

You've got things the wrong way round, you need to dump him and then work on your self worth

What is your housing situation? Can you tell him to leave?

Stop making excuses as to why you should stay for a while and start looking at what you need to do to leave asap. Your self esteem won't improve by staying, it'll improve by leaving and not having to put up with that lump.

Don't wait for your self worth to improve.

The longer you are with this horrible man, the worse you will feel about yourself.

Leave him. You'll feel better about yourself.

Make an appointment with a solicitor and get things moving.

I was going to answer the individual points but there's no need.

He sounds completely disgusting

And I don't know why you would think that you would get hate on here. There is not one thing you have said that would inspire any sympathy for him.