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AIBU?

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Original poster

No one sent any cards

115 replies

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 26/07/2022 21:06

I know this is unreasonable. I send cards to people all the time, I’m not super sociable but I am always there when people call and listen to others. I buy things for others when I see them and know they will like it.

my gran died 2 weeks we were really close and no one has sent anything. It was expected and she was as old. I miss her. I feel pathetic to be angry that not one of my friends has sent a card.

OP posts:
WellEdinburghIsMightyFine · 26/07/2022 21:07

I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx

CantaloupeMelon · 26/07/2022 21:09

Sorry for your loss OP Flowers

I think people send fewer cards these days than they used to. Please don’t take it to heart.

hatedbythedailymail22 · 26/07/2022 21:12

I don't think cards are really a thing these days. Plus to be honest, I'm always surprised grown adults still have grandparents, it wouldn't occur to me that you did, and if you told me one had died I would never send a card for it. A text maybe, not a card.

dolphinsarentcommon · 26/07/2022 21:12

Sadly it's not as usual now to send cards. It seems a WhatsApp or text is deemed adequate.

I understand how much more a card would have meant.. the effort behind it is so obvious but don't take it too personally.

I'm sorry you've lost your nan.. her age and that it was expected doesn't detract from the loss you feel

Darbs76 · 26/07/2022 21:14

Sorry for your loss. I don’t mean this unsympathetically but I don’t think I’d consider a card for loss of a grandparent. A parent yes but I wouldn’t think about it for a grandparent. Have they messaged you? Many people don’t send cards these days, as much as they used to

Leeds2 · 26/07/2022 21:14

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't think people really send cards for bereavement these days. My friend's cousin (60's) died recently and I sent a message by text. If her parents had died, I would probably have sent a card, but not for grandparents. I would expect your friends to express their thoughts in whatever way suits them, but I would expect them to say something rather than just ignore it.

MsVestibule · 26/07/2022 21:14

One of my friends sent a card when my grandma died and I was really touched. However, I just don't think sending sympathy cards for the death of a grandparent is a common thing to do.

I know it's difficult when the things that you do as a matter of course to show you care for somebody isn't reciprocated, but please don't see it as the people in your life not caring.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 26/07/2022 21:14

I’m sorry for your loss. Being totally honest it wouldn’t occur to me to send a card to someone that has lost a grandparent unless they were brought up by their grandparents.
How have they been aside from the cards?

Jibbajabba1 · 26/07/2022 21:16

So sorry for your loss x

Hamsternautss · 26/07/2022 21:17

I lost my dad at only 62 in April and received only 1 card.

WinterMusings · 26/07/2022 21:18

I'm sorry to hear about your Nan 💐. It doesn't hurt any less when they're old or you knew they weren't well.

I'm sorry your friends haven't reciprocated with the kind of support/care you've shown them.

yes,sadly, cards are getting less popular (people cite 'environmentally unfriendly, whilst ruminating over their 4th overseas trip of the year). It's laziness.

Try not to focus on how sad & let down you feel and instead the great, long relationship you had with your Nan 🌸

AllFreeOwls · 26/07/2022 21:18

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 26/07/2022 21:14

I’m sorry for your loss. Being totally honest it wouldn’t occur to me to send a card to someone that has lost a grandparent unless they were brought up by their grandparents.
How have they been aside from the cards?

I agree with this.
I'm sorry for your kids, but it wouldn't occur to me send a card in this situation.

AllFreeOwls · 26/07/2022 21:19

Sorry, what a typo/autocorrect. Sorry for your loss.

Tougherpolicies · 26/07/2022 21:22

Must admit it wouldn't occur to me either tbh, sorry to hear about your grandma though. It's still sad xx

DappledThings · 26/07/2022 21:22

Did people know you were exceptionally close? I have a friend who was raised by her grandparents and when they died I sent cards and went to the funerals. When other friends have lost grandparents I've been sympathetic when told but I wouldn't think to send a card.

I think people do still send cards generally. Last time I was at a bereaved friend's house 2 years ago there were lots of cards.

BongoJim · 26/07/2022 21:26

Sorry for your loss. The week before my mum died a charity put a pack free unmarked greeting cards with poppies on the front through every door in the street. You'd be surprised how many of those ended up used to send me condolences. Like I wouldn't notice exactly the same pack of free cards came through my own door too...

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 26/07/2022 21:27

so sorry for your loss, OP. Hugs x

LikeAStar1994 · 26/07/2022 21:28

I always have and always will send cards. Until they literally cease to exist. I send E-Cards to online friends.

I'll be in the minority though. But I'm totally fine with that.

I'm very sorry for your loss, OP. Much Love. Have you had any messages from them at all?

transformandriseup · 26/07/2022 21:29

I sent my best friend a card when her gran died but I have known her and her gran almost my whole life. I wouldn't do it for another friend although I would most likely send a text.

MeditationAndMusic · 26/07/2022 21:29

I think a lot of people, me included, just don’t send cards for anything now. I’d be there for a friend though, cook them a meal, ask if I could do anything, be there to listen and obviously offer my condolences in person or over the phone.

Sorry for your loss.

EmmaC78 · 26/07/2022 21:30

Sorry for your loss. I wouldn't send a card in those circumstances though.

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 26/07/2022 21:30

I’m sorry for your loss OP.
It probably wouldn’t occur to me to send a friend a card after losing a grandparent, this wouldn’t mean I didn’t care.
Focus on the good times and happy memories xx

DFOD · 26/07/2022 21:33

Have you routinely sent condolence cards to all of your friends when they have lost a grand parent?

I am from an Irish Catholic background and the older generation love a “Mass card” - but I can honestly say that I have never received one on the death of any of my grandparents or ever even considered sending one to my friends at any point.

I am sorry for your loss. I expect you are in a lot of distress - attend to that.

easyday · 26/07/2022 21:35

Are your parents alive? They are the ones who'd be getting cards presumably. It wouldn't occur to me to send a sympathy card to the grandkids.

Mally100 · 26/07/2022 21:38

easyday · 26/07/2022 21:35

Are your parents alive? They are the ones who'd be getting cards presumably. It wouldn't occur to me to send a sympathy card to the grandkids.

Same . I would offer condolences through a text or call but wouldn't send a card. Tbh I don't know a single person who does cards these days. Sorry for your loss op.