Page 5 | No one sent any cards

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 2022-07-26T20:06:43+00:00

I know this is unreasonable. I send cards to people all the time, I’m not super sociable but I am always there when people call and listen to others. I buy things for others when I see them and know they will like it. my gran died 2 weeks we were really close and no one has sent anything. It was expected and she was as old. I miss her. I feel pathetic to be angry that not one of my friends has sent a card.

Hollywolly1 · 26/07/2022 23:43

I am so sorry for the loss and pain you must be feeling and I hope you will be feeling lighter soon

Hollywolly1 · 26/07/2022 23:44

Lighter =feeling better soon

StClare101 · 26/07/2022 23:55

I’m sorry for your loss.

To be honest the loss of a very elderly grandparent would mean a text from me or a call if a very close friend. I don’t think card writing is common at all.

LoopyLoo1991 · 27/07/2022 00:04

Sorry for loss OP.
Less people are sending cards full stop, especially post pandemic. Many have actively stated to please stop sending birthday/Christmas cards from now on, over social media. And perhaps embarrassment over not knowing what to say?

ddl1 · 27/07/2022 00:08

I am sorry for your loss. I would not expect cards. If people knew your gran, I would expect personal messages; and if they didn't know her, I wouldn't expect them to send anything at all.

BungleandGeorge · 27/07/2022 01:10

Have your friends acknowledged your loss in another way OP? Do they know she has passed away and how close you were? Cards are usually only sent to immediate relatives but if you’re saying that they haven’t acknowledged the loss at all I can see why you’re upset. If they are close friends that is rude and uncaring

Original poster

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 27/07/2022 07:57

Thanks everyone for responses. Really interesting to read. Weirdly I don’t send Christmas cards but I do send cards to people when I know they are having a tough time - would not stop doing that I appreciate a note/card so will carry on.

I’ve never expected cards before, I have lost my aunt and other grand parents and never thought about it.

I think it’s just because I feel so sad and angry about it everything, since she passed.

I saw her every Thursday and we went on holiday every year. And when she got ill these last few months I didn’t see her as much - it was hard she was so vulnerable and not the dignified, strong independent gran I have known my whole life, very confused and aggressive. I should have seen her more in the home. I went and held her hand as she was dying. But the very nature of my day job is to look after people and I just didn’t look after her enough when she declined.

I miss her a lot. I have had loads of messages from friends - maybe the card thing is misplaced grief. As someone said up post I should be attending to that.

it is completely the natural order of things and I’m sure it’ll get easier but she was my person I went to for honest (harsh at times) advice - she knew me better than anyone I think. It’s so sad - and I’m just carrying on going to work doing the motions of life and she isn’t here anymore. That song ‘don’t they know it’s the end of the world’ springs to mind - dramatic much!!

She was 94 and an incredible lady! I will forever miss her and thanks for replies - put things in perspective.

OP posts:

coodawoodashooda · 27/07/2022 09:06

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 27/07/2022 07:57

Thanks everyone for responses. Really interesting to read. Weirdly I don’t send Christmas cards but I do send cards to people when I know they are having a tough time - would not stop doing that I appreciate a note/card so will carry on.

I’ve never expected cards before, I have lost my aunt and other grand parents and never thought about it.

I think it’s just because I feel so sad and angry about it everything, since she passed.

I saw her every Thursday and we went on holiday every year. And when she got ill these last few months I didn’t see her as much - it was hard she was so vulnerable and not the dignified, strong independent gran I have known my whole life, very confused and aggressive. I should have seen her more in the home. I went and held her hand as she was dying. But the very nature of my day job is to look after people and I just didn’t look after her enough when she declined.

I miss her a lot. I have had loads of messages from friends - maybe the card thing is misplaced grief. As someone said up post I should be attending to that.

it is completely the natural order of things and I’m sure it’ll get easier but she was my person I went to for honest (harsh at times) advice - she knew me better than anyone I think. It’s so sad - and I’m just carrying on going to work doing the motions of life and she isn’t here anymore. That song ‘don’t they know it’s the end of the world’ springs to mind - dramatic much!!

She was 94 and an incredible lady! I will forever miss her and thanks for replies - put things in perspective.

I reckon you are allowed mis placed grief when you are coping with so much.

PearlClench · 27/07/2022 09:26

OP. Grief is an odd beast, it seems.

It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your gran.

WTF475878237NC · 27/07/2022 09:27

I'm sorry for your loss. In my circle it's still the norm to send cards and you would have received one from all of my friends!

GrowlingManchego · 27/07/2022 09:43

I am sorry for your loss. Take care 💐

Lockheart · 27/07/2022 09:51

I'm very sorry for your loss OP. I hope you're doing ok.

Just to give another perspective on this, when my father died last year we were inundated with cards. I know people meant well and it was very kind, but they were too upsetting. We didn't put any of them up, just kept them in a box to one side.

So what I'm trying to say is, not everyone would want a card from everyone they know and perhaps your friends feel the same way? I appreciated the calls and checking in messages from my friends much more than cards from people who I hadn't seen since I was 3. Focus on those who will be there throughout to support you, rather than those whose obligation can be fulfilled by a bit of card and a few standard condolences.

LindaEllen · 27/07/2022 09:59

Darbs76 · 26/07/2022 21:14

Sorry for your loss. I don’t mean this unsympathetically but I don’t think I’d consider a card for loss of a grandparent. A parent yes but I wouldn’t think about it for a grandparent. Have they messaged you? Many people don’t send cards these days, as much as they used to

Yes, neither would I.

Parents/siblings/children are what I would send cards for.

nokitchen · 27/07/2022 12:27

When mum died I wrote to everyone on her Christmas card list and let them know. I received condolence cards from most people I wrote to which were addressed to all my family.

ChagSameachDoreen · 27/07/2022 14:09

People barely send cards now, and not for grandparents.