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Original poster

When children get the wrong end of the stick - Light hearted

250 replies

Hopeandlove · 26/07/2022 17:15

So my very intelligent 15 year old told me this morning that up until she was 7 she didn’t know she lived on Planet Earth 😂🙄😜
In her school they were taught to recycle to help save Planet Earth etc and she thought it was a different planet our paper was going to be remade and sold in order to raise money in order to preserve it.

She saw planet earth as this wonderful pure planet that was all green and blue with all nature on it and …. Not us.

We lived on the Ground. She asked her teacher eventually where Planet Earth was and her teacher said here and she got very confused.

She thought planet earth was very small and pretty as it could be held in god’s hand 🤦‍♀️And we had to be very careful it was protected from humans as some people weren’t nice! 👌

probably a lot of truth in that

OP posts:
ddl1 · 26/07/2022 21:20

Yellowcar2 · 26/07/2022 18:36

Was dissmissing my class of 5 yo when one boy asked if he could be an ant tomorrow. I was a little confused and he said 'you know for insect day'. The next day was an INSET day 😆

I was once at a meeting where a headteacher referred unwittingly to 'my school's incest days'!

Caminante · 26/07/2022 21:23

Whoactuallythinksthat · 26/07/2022 19:38

When dd was about 3, in the back of the car, she’d been silent for ages. Worried, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw she had tears rolling down her face. I asked her what was wrong and she replied, “It’s car insurance, Mummy, I just can’t stop thinking about car insurance.”
I still, to this day, have no idea why she was thinking about it, or why it had made her cry……..or even how she knew the words 🤣

I love this 😂

Reminds me of when my DS about 5 asked me in a very solemn voice if I had a mortgage. He'd been seeing debt consolidation adverts on day time tv 😂😂

He didn't know what a mortgage was but it didn't sound good.

5foot5 · 26/07/2022 21:24

When DD was about 4 she asked me, out of the blue, what happened to people when they died.

I hadn't prepared for this but decided I wasn't going to get involved in any dodgy, "Gone to live with Jesus" stories. So I simply said that sometimes we bury their bodies and sometimes we burn them.

There was a few moments silence then she asked, apparently quite unperturbed "And what happens to their heads?"

thegreylady · 26/07/2022 21:25

I took my two grandsons ,aged about 6 and 9 at the time , out to lunch. The youngest asked if his mummy was a Hindu. I said no and he said,”Why does she do Hindu things then?” I knew they had been talking about different religions at school and wondered what dd had been doing. When I asked he said that she did a Hindu thing some Saturdays.
His brother started to giggle and said,” xxx Mum has been to two hen dos!”

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 26/07/2022 21:27

As a very young girl dd was horrified she was a human being and sobbed she didn't want to be one!

TwentyOneTwentyTwo · 26/07/2022 21:29

LakieLady · 26/07/2022 20:28

One summer day, my friend, who's never lived outside London, and I were sitting in my garden and could hear shooting.

She asked what they were shooting, and I replied that at that time of year it was almost certainly clay pigeons.

After a long pause, she asked how to tell the difference between a clay pigeon and a wood pigeon. She was 30-odd at the time though, so not a child!

Show quote history

🤣 To that I'd say you'll have to knock on them and listen to the sound!

Paq · 26/07/2022 21:30

DD (8): what's Brexit?
Me: it's a vote about leaving Europe
DD: but, but, where will we go???

She thought we all had to leave the country and got quite upset!

bluenameblue · 26/07/2022 21:32

Babdoc · 26/07/2022 17:37

I’ve mentioned it on threads like this before, but when DD was about 3, we were approaching the old Forth bridge in our car.
I asked her to dig out some change to pay the toll.
We reached the tollbooth, DD passed me the money and I handed it to the chap inside.
As I pulled away, I noticed DD was cowering in her seat, looking petrified. “Mummy,” she whispered, “Was that the troll?”
The poor child had misheard, and thought it was a troll bridge, like in the three billy goats gruff!
The new Queensferry crossing is toll free, but for years we always crossed the “troll bridge” to visit Edinburgh!

I used to think that

Paq · 26/07/2022 21:32

5foot5 · 26/07/2022 21:24

When DD was about 4 she asked me, out of the blue, what happened to people when they died.

I hadn't prepared for this but decided I wasn't going to get involved in any dodgy, "Gone to live with Jesus" stories. So I simply said that sometimes we bury their bodies and sometimes we burn them.

There was a few moments silence then she asked, apparently quite unperturbed "And what happens to their heads?"

DD learned about the pyramids in pre-school and thought that everyone went to Egypt when they died...

Fernticket · 26/07/2022 21:33

shockthemonkey · 26/07/2022 17:38

I once asked my very mathematical seven-year old if he could tell me what 785 divided by three was. I could see he was struggling and after a bit he said he didn't know the exact answer. I said don't worry, just tell me roughly.

So he came over, grabbed me by my shirt collar and growled "I don't know!"

I love this.

Stripedbag101 · 26/07/2022 21:34

I remember being very embarrassed for my friends dad who had to stay in hospital after he had an accident.

I genuinely thought he had wet himself! I had no idea there any other type of accident. I think I was five

FourChimneys · 26/07/2022 21:37

When I was about five my mother said we had to call on a neighbour as she wanted to pick his brains. I cried and cried, I thought she was going to push one of her crotchet hooks up his nose and pick his brain like that.

bluenameblue · 26/07/2022 21:38

MeenzAmRhoi · 26/07/2022 18:22

My gran lived on the top floor of a building of flats (must've been 3rd or 4th floor). When she and my grandad decided to move, I couldn't understand how they were going to take the flat off the building to move it somewhere else 🙈

I also asked my mum once why the moon was following us.

there's a simspons episode where the whole town is filled with garbage and they have to pick up their house onto a truck and move it to the new Springfield.

That's what I thought was going to happen when my parents told us they were moving house.

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 26/07/2022 21:40

DH's father died recently. DH told DD (3) that granddad had gone to heaven.

DD wanted to talk about granddad when I was putting her to bed the other day and said, vi with a puzzled expression on her little face: "Mummy... has granddad become a tooth fairy?" She was getting angels and fairies mixed up (as usual!). 😅

flowerycurtain · 26/07/2022 21:42

The car insurance one has had tears rolling down my face with laughter.

m my contribution:
My kids think the washing machine lives in the Little Knitty room.
Also that we go to the "Big sit room" when guests come over (aka our slightly more posh sitting room)
That the brown road sign for woodland adventure type places means "family fun this way"

Thinkingblonde · 26/07/2022 21:42

My 6 year old granddaughter loves Magnet ( I love Magnets grandma) ice cream, wonders when we can go over the Transformer Bridge (Transporter Bridge) again and is going to go on a Roaster Coaster ride when she’s up to the line on the Treasurement chart.

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 26/07/2022 21:46

DD (7) also asked me the other day how come all old relatives are called ancestors even if they're not female?

It eventually transpired that she thought the word was "an-sister"!

Alsonification · 26/07/2022 21:50

When my daughter was about six she had her friend over to play. My own friend had also called in for a cuppa. Myself and my friend were chatting for awhile and I noticed that my daughters friend was looking at us. I asked her if she was okay and she asked me if my friend was my love bean? I asked her what she meant and she said “you know love bean, when two ladies love each other”.
Myself and my friend have called each other love beans ever since. She even thanked me as her love being in her thesis lol.

ddl1 · 26/07/2022 21:51

The Platinum Jubilee has reminded me that when I was 5 or 6, I was fascinated to learn that when someone is 100, the Queen writes to them (I don't think I'd heard of telegrams at that point). I told my friend, who found this equally exciting. She asked my mother for confirmation: 'Is it true that when you're 100, the Queen writes to you?' 'Yes, I think so.' 'Will the Queen ever get to be 100 years old?' 'I don't know. Maybe. We'll have to wait and see.' 'Oh, won't she be tall!!!'

At a somewhat later age, another friend thought that every time someone has sex, they have a baby. She was horrified when she heard on a TV programme about a couple who had sex once a week, because she thought they'd have 52 babies a year!

I knew a child who thought for ages that 'chance' meant 'punishment', because she'd been told in threatening tones, 'I'll give you one more chance!'

Fashiontatts · 26/07/2022 21:55

Babdoc · 26/07/2022 17:37

I’ve mentioned it on threads like this before, but when DD was about 3, we were approaching the old Forth bridge in our car.
I asked her to dig out some change to pay the toll.
We reached the tollbooth, DD passed me the money and I handed it to the chap inside.
As I pulled away, I noticed DD was cowering in her seat, looking petrified. “Mummy,” she whispered, “Was that the troll?”
The poor child had misheard, and thought it was a troll bridge, like in the three billy goats gruff!
The new Queensferry crossing is toll free, but for years we always crossed the “troll bridge” to visit Edinburgh!

I love this... I will forever see the forth bridge as the troll bridge now!

isthatwhatyoureallywanted · 26/07/2022 21:55

My parents took 4yo DS to a boat show, i.e an event where there are lots of different boats and related odds & ends of display and available to buy. DS kept asking them when the show was going to start and, when he got home, whispered to me that they missed the show. I eventually twigged that he was expecting something involving a stage and singing & dancing as that was what had happened at all of the "shows" he'd been to before!

Pedallleur · 26/07/2022 22:03

I used to joke to my daughter we were fattening her up to sell her at the market. Move fwd 3 yrs and I said let's go to Skipton for a day out. My daughter looked horrified and asked if she was being taken to market. I was ashamed and amused but how did she know there was a cattle market there? She is still with us.

sm40 · 26/07/2022 22:09

I always misread the word so until
I was about 15 I thought vans with 'shop fitter' on them said 'shop lifters'. Thought they were vary brazen about their trade!

legalseagull · 26/07/2022 22:21

I couldn't get my head around evolution. I genuinely thought monkeys lived in cities. Just knocking around London waiting to evolve in to humans.

I also thought the world was black and white 'in the olden days' because old films were.

I was devastated to be promised a Yorkshire pudding, only to discover it is NOT a pudding (what we called desserts as kids)

Merlo · 26/07/2022 22:22

We could never work out why out DD got so distressed about her Auntie and cousins going to visit family in Devon….turns out till she was 6, she thought Devon was heaven and that they wouldn’t be coming back and we wouldn’t be able to visit them!