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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family wants to come and stay… only when we are not there

137 replies

coaplious · 26/07/2022 09:20

AIBU to think this quite cheeky?

I have a younger cousin (18) who lives back in my home country. He has a girlfriend who I have never met.

I live in London and have just moved back here from the US.

At a family gathering recently, in front of all family, he asked me “Can you let me know when you’re going away- so I can come and stay in your flat”. And then later on said “I want to go to london with my girlfriend… so let me know when you are not there”

On one hand, I get it, he wants to come and visit London and not pay crazy hotel prices. But equally, it’s my home and not a shag pad for an 18 year old who doesn’t want to visit his family!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 27/07/2022 18:57

fizzywat · 27/07/2022 18:21

Ignore him.

This.

If he contacts you directly, tell him it isn't happening.

He's a CF teen.

No way would he be staying in my house.

I have left 18's at home alone very successfully, not a chance I would do it for a relatives 18 year old......whom wouldn't be cognisant of the wrath they would face should I return to a mess ....which does happen!

di2004 · 27/07/2022 19:01

How rude! Just say no.

bouncydog · 27/07/2022 19:05

No way. We had a close relative staying to house sit for a week many years ago. We came back to find dishes missing where she taken family members elsewhere meals using our freezer contents. Biggest shock was the quarterly phone bill 4 times usual amount from where she’d been ringing friends in Australia! Another lady house sitting washed the white towels in with some orange ones and the dye transferred - well intentioned but i had said to leave towels and bedding for when I got back - so no way!

SnozPoz · 27/07/2022 19:10

hmm let me think... do I want to let an 18 year old use my home for a shag pad? Nope. I've had a similar request a couple of times from friends' teenagers who want to stay in my London home without me... I don't suppose they'd think it was okay if my young adult wanted to shack up in their home. With me there, no problem, without me... no way... too many things to go wrong. Where were his parents when he asked? I'd be horrified!

GettingItOutThere · 27/07/2022 19:23

cheeky sod!! defo NO!!

but if you wanted some cash, tell him its £200 a night as hotels would charge that!

NoBarrelOfLaughs · 27/07/2022 19:37

I’d rather let 10 unsupervised German shepherd puppies loose in the house for a week.

Weirdlynormal · 27/07/2022 19:48

I text my nephews every time I go away and they move in. They love it and I like that. Why not?!

Solonge · 27/07/2022 19:49

I would be inclined to say I will just check with your mum if thats ok with her. I realise at 18 he is an adult...but if you are from the US isnt it 21? might just make him back up and say not to bother...he doesnt want to stay at yours after all.

Jellybean23 · 27/07/2022 19:50

No way, the cheeky little so and so. He can jog on.

Meraas · 27/07/2022 19:51

Solonge · 27/07/2022 19:49

I would be inclined to say I will just check with your mum if thats ok with her. I realise at 18 he is an adult...but if you are from the US isnt it 21? might just make him back up and say not to bother...he doesnt want to stay at yours after all.

I wouldn't do this. The parents will snap up the offer on their son's behalf.

theremustonlybeone · 27/07/2022 19:52

no way would i be allowing a 18yr old niece or nephew to stay in my london home with their girlfriend when I am not there. Would only consider it if we had a close relationship and they had been down a lot to visit.

mam0918 · 27/07/2022 20:06

Soggycrisps · 26/07/2022 18:43

@mam0918 he didn't demand

Well he didnt even ask he just TOLD her he was coming to stay when she not there and asked her to let him know when that is... thats demanding behavior.

Demand meaning - to ask in a blunt abrupt ungracious way or insist on having

Herejustforthisone · 27/07/2022 20:12

I’d roll my eyes, say nothing and make damn sure he was never in receipt of an invitation.

oakleaffy · 27/07/2022 20:28

Absolutely no way!

Kennykenkencat · 27/07/2022 20:32

Tell him when you aren’t there it is going to be rented out as an Airbnb and he would find it cheaper staying in a hotel.

gardenofweedin · 27/07/2022 21:11

I'd just never mention it again, to save myself the aggravation of a definite "NO". People on MN seem to cut more slack for youth than I would! No doubt I was rather more clueless at 18 than I am on the brink of middle age, but I really don't think I'd have invited myself to stay in someone else's house even at that tender age.

Silvers11 · 27/07/2022 21:47

I agree with most others - the answer is no. It doesn't have to be a big deal either. Say nothing now, since you missed the opportunity right at the time but if/when he asks again, you just need to say 'I'm awfully sorry, but I wouldn't ever want to have someone in my house, no matter how well I know them, when I am not there and if something went badly wrong I would never forgive myself'. You're welcome to come and visit sleep on a sofa bed/spare room when I am here though.

Bangolads · 27/07/2022 21:58

Bah ha ha ha- no obviously 🤣👍🏻

mapofeasterireland · 27/07/2022 22:52

He’s your family and he’s young. Of course he wants to stay at yours to see London! Who wouldn’t?

Jillybloop393 · 27/07/2022 23:11

Yuck ... C little F! He's eighteen and will use every available area to bonk .... from your bed, your table, the kitchen worktop ..... etc. You know in the murder/crime programmes on TV they use some sort of special light that shows up semen stains .... your flat would look like you were looking through a kaleidoscope it'd be so well used! Don't even consider letting the randy, tight, cheeky little sh* use your place as a sh* palace!

Dragmedown · 27/07/2022 23:24

Say no! We have relatives from overseas doing this very thing right now and they’ve had the cheek to turn away the decorator we have in (doing work while we are away on holiday as it’s better to do it when kids aren’t at home on school hols) as they were sleeping!! SM posts show they were out on the town last night. Furious!!!

Please say no. Family are the worst at taking advantage.

FromIndia · 28/07/2022 04:32

Yes, absolutely! He’s just chancing it. Will be a funny story once he’s older.

helpplease01 · 28/07/2022 09:26

Jesus! Are you kidding me! Cheeky f….r! Absolutely No!

pinkyredrose · 28/07/2022 09:57

Dragmedown · 27/07/2022 23:24

Say no! We have relatives from overseas doing this very thing right now and they’ve had the cheek to turn away the decorator we have in (doing work while we are away on holiday as it’s better to do it when kids aren’t at home on school hols) as they were sleeping!! SM posts show they were out on the town last night. Furious!!!

Please say no. Family are the worst at taking advantage.

Wow! I hope you've had words!

Mikki77 · 28/07/2022 13:42

Tell him he can book through Air BNB if its available!