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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family wants to come and stay… only when we are not there

137 replies

coaplious · 26/07/2022 09:20

AIBU to think this quite cheeky?

I have a younger cousin (18) who lives back in my home country. He has a girlfriend who I have never met.

I live in London and have just moved back here from the US.

At a family gathering recently, in front of all family, he asked me “Can you let me know when you’re going away- so I can come and stay in your flat”. And then later on said “I want to go to london with my girlfriend… so let me know when you are not there”

On one hand, I get it, he wants to come and visit London and not pay crazy hotel prices. But equally, it’s my home and not a shag pad for an 18 year old who doesn’t want to visit his family!

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 26/07/2022 13:14

Dacquoise · 26/07/2022 11:14

A friend was told by his daughter's boyfriend that he should move out and give them his house as he was old and had his time there!

That's not cheeky, it's just plain thick. Poor gobshite.

Johnnysgirl · 26/07/2022 13:17

Trytryandtryagain11 · 26/07/2022 12:24

Could he be asking because he's trying not to get in your way? Maybe he can't afford to visit otherwise, and would love to come with you there but if waiting for an invite so wanted to hint at it, or maybe thinks there might not be enough room? x

"Tell me when you're away" doesn't remotely suggest he'd love op to be there.

AlexandriasWindmill · 26/07/2022 13:19

It's so blunt that it made me laugh! He probably imagines he was offering to housesit. I'd have just said I didn't need a house-sitter.

Viviennemary · 26/07/2022 13:25

No. Your insurance may be invalid if you are not there.m

Cyclebabble · 26/07/2022 13:32

Hi OP. Sometimes my relies do come and stay when we are away. We live in a rural area close the the sea, and we are keen to make sure some of our family with not much money get a holiday. That being said an 18 year old and people you have never met?…not a chance I would entertain this.

CatherinedeBourgh · 26/07/2022 13:38

I'd be grateful, but I have a million animals and plants that need dealing with while I'm away.

MissConductUS · 26/07/2022 13:44

Just tell him it's 500 quid a night, payable in full up front.

Dacquoise · 26/07/2022 13:50

Johnnysgirl · 26/07/2022 13:14

That's not cheeky, it's just plain thick. Poor gobshite.

Show quote history

Said gobshite had been living rent and bill free in the house for years with the daughter and the rest of the family. Five of them in total.

Thought the occasional takeaway pizza was more than enough as a contribution. Now moved into his own place with pregnant daughter but she's not on the deeds or any plans to marry.

Parasite comes to mind!

woolwinder · 26/07/2022 13:55

Dacquoise · 26/07/2022 11:14

A friend was told by his daughter's boyfriend that he should move out and give them his house as he was old and had his time there!

That would be the last time the boyfriend ever entered my house if that happened.

MeridianB · 26/07/2022 13:57

Stick to your guns, OP.

The way you describe his expectations comes complete with the smell that would great you when you come home after a week of them in your flat.....

sleepygal · 26/07/2022 14:09

we've been asked by young relatives if they can stay - wrapped up in a very cheesy message of how much they long to see us ..... yeah right ! We do let them stay, but only when we're here, not away.

We once let a middle-aged relative stay while we were away and when they departed they left the front door wide open - luckily a neighbour saw and closed it !

We've had other relatives stay while we've been here but they departed while we were at work, so we came home to a shambles in the kitchen, broken computer and they didn't strip the beds as requested.

All the above from the same gene pool .....

Very wary now ...

Mountainpika · 26/07/2022 14:22

Tell him you will be away between x and y dates.
When he responds they will be coming, reply, "Oh good. By the way, my great aunt Mary will be there that week to keep an eye on things for me."

Bookworm20 · 26/07/2022 14:25

Thats actually quite funny. Doesn't want to visit you then, just use your house, lol!
At 18 I'm going to guess hes more thoughtless/clueless than being rude.
He'll definitely cringe at that when hes grown up a bit and realised how that would have come across I reckon.

5foot5 · 26/07/2022 14:33

greatblueheron · 26/07/2022 11:02

And your response to his 'announcement' in front of family was...?

Yes, please tell us you laughed merrily like you thought he was intentionally joking

SleeplessInEngland · 26/07/2022 14:35

I don't see the big deal - an 18 YO wants free accomodation in an expensive city. No shit.

Doesn't mean you have to say yes but it's hardly an insane request.

mam0918 · 26/07/2022 14:38

No one gets in my house regardeless of if Im here or not... what on earth makes him think hes entitled to demand other peoples homes?

Soggycrisps · 26/07/2022 18:43

@mam0918 he didn't demand

Quia · 26/07/2022 18:48

If anything it was worse than demanding - he just assumed that he would be using the flat, no ifs or buts.

adamski99 · 27/07/2022 18:04

Maybe he is being practical? It might be a tight squeeze for all of you in your place?

Johnnysgirl · 27/07/2022 18:13

Practical? He wasn't invited... Bit cheeky to try to solve a problem he's just created himself.

godmum56 · 27/07/2022 18:14

IncompleteSenten · 26/07/2022 09:25

Tell him he is being rude and you aren't an air b&b

this.

fizzywat · 27/07/2022 18:21

Ignore him.

Limecoconutice · 27/07/2022 18:21

There are various potential responses to this:

  • great I will leave you a list of jobs that need doing
  • haha that’s funny!
  • I’m offended you don’t want to spend time with me (also said in front of rellies)
  • let me think for a second … oh I only need half that time … no!
MummyJ36 · 27/07/2022 18:50

Eh he’s 18. Most of us were pretty selfish at that age (knowingly or unknowingly). I’d just not tell him when I’m away and the flat is vacant. If he starts to really press you on it say you really can’t commit to any dates but would happily recommend a Travelodge or Premier Inn 😁You don’t need a fancy shag pad when you’re 18 😂

kateandme · 27/07/2022 18:57

Just say due to previous experience and that of friends we never let anyone in our home without us.
my sister gives hers to my parents but that because she trusts her. Completely.and all very close.and mum would never just ask.my sister also knows it will get a good depp clean and be left with lots of gorgeous food stocked up for her!😘