Family wants to come and stay… only when we are not there

[coaplious]

AIBU to think this quite cheeky?

I have a younger cousin (18) who lives back in my home country. He has a girlfriend who I have never met.

I live in London and have just moved back here from the US.

At a family gathering recently, in front of all family, he asked me “Can you let me know when you’re going away- so I can come and stay in your flat”. And then later on said “I want to go to london with my girlfriend… so let me know when you are not there”

On one hand, I get it, he wants to come and visit London and not pay crazy hotel prices. But equally, it’s my home and not a shag pad for an 18 year old who doesn’t want to visit his family!

I'd laugh and say "No, you don't get my flat as a shag pad so don't even think about it". Just be upfront and he'll stop asking.

AIBU to think this quite cheeky?

No of course not by the unanimous response on this thread.

But but concerned that you needed to ask.

Is there anything else going on - older family members who might expect you to oblige?

Did you say “OK” when put on the spot in front of others? Doesn’t matter if you did - understandable response - but everyone has the option to reconsider…..so just go back to him and say “No that won’t work for me” you have no obligation to justify or explain your decision to anyone.

Or just ignore.

"Hahahahahahahaha no fucking way!" is the correct response.

That's pretty rude, specially because he's the son of your sister/brother and can affect family relationships. There are many excuses and polite ways to say "no".

This

@coaplious

On one hand, I get it, he wants to come and visit London and not pay crazy hotel prices. But equally, it’s my home and not a shag pad for an 18 year old who doesn’t want to visit his family!

Weren't you even a little bit tempted to say exactly this during the family gathering? That would clearly (hopefully) bring home to the cheeky young person exactly what they were asking - and perhaps put a shot over the bows of anyone else who might have had the same idea... 🌹

Good grief! Do you know how his daughter reacted when her boyfriend said such a ridiculous thing? Mind boggling.

A big No - I believe this would also invalidate your home insurance, so another reason not to use your home as a 'free' holiday home!

So what did you say in response? Apart from "Fuck off!"?

My 20 year old cousin and his girlfriend came to stay when I was there, when I lived in London. They were politeness itself, and made themselves scarce when now-DH came to stay for the first time. They aren't all inconsiderate!

'No. I don't want visitors, whether I'm there or not.'
Or, as I prefer.. 'Not 'appenin', mate.'

"Hahaha when hell freezes over."

Could he be asking because he's trying not to get in your way? Maybe he can't afford to visit otherwise, and would love to come with you there but if waiting for an invite so wanted to hint at it, or maybe thinks there might not be enough room? x

Try to take this the way it’s intended! Without malice band just a thoughtless teen thing.

I doubt he wants to offend you. If you trust him to take care of your property and you are going away is there really any harm?

of course he isn’t too bothered about seeing you! At that age they only think about themselves

Granted that he's young and only thinks about himself but he's putting it as assumed it would be ok when OP is away (and asked her as such) and doesn't want to pay crazy hotel prices.

Which would be fine if OP said it were ok but she can see he's being a CF in training. It's her home FFS.

A big laughing emoji is all that is required here.

Hahahhaha
The cluelessness and entitlement of youth

In fairness, I might have asked something similar at 18, if I'd had relatives in a convenient place. In his 18 year old brain he probably thinks it's a win-win ...that you get a house-sitter (he has probably heard that people like house sitters) and don't have to be there to entertain him. And that he gets a cheap holiday and doesn't have to be monitored by an adult.

Just explain that you don't like people staying when you are away as it causes you more worry about whether things are locked up / switched off etc, but that you'd be happy to have him stay when you are there... assuming he tidies up after himself and no noise after 9.30pm.

(With any luck that will put him off and he won't want to)

That is spectacularly audacious, and if he doesn't want to get a reputation as a dyed-in-the-wool user, he needs to be pulled up on this. Maybe a cool, "You need to wait for an invitation", before the loud non-issuing of an invitation is what's needed.
He wants to impress his girlfriend and you're nothing but a convenience to him. People like this are everywhere and it took me so many years to realise, sadly. I'm happy that there are savvy people out there like the OP who can recognise them. I wish I had.

As other posters - 'In your dreams!'

I had this from my CF sister. I could write a book about her cheeky fuckery ways. She trashes everything she gets near so when we bought a caravan and she asked to take it to Dorset for two weeks, I said, "No chance! And get it back trashed?" That was the end of the conversation but I was willing to repeat the same words over and over, for clarification and the avoidance of doubt.

The stuff of other peoples she has wrecked is the stuff of legend.

It's pretty rude to inform someone you intend to stay in their flat while they're away!

Yes exactly, he wasn't even asking, he was telling the OP that's what he was doing and ordering her to inform him when she wouldn't be there

I'd be like 'That's not happening!' and leave it there.

i also would like to know what you actually did say!

It’s spectacularly cheeky of him though - and not even to ask but just to say “let me know”.

I agree with PPs that it would be nothing but a nightmare if, in some strange world, you did say yes.

The only answer to something like this is “ha ha ha, nice one”. Although I do like the suggestions to send him a payment link.

Initially be polite, 'sorry, no can do.'!

If that fails to register with him, tell him to f off, lol. That should certainly do the trick but please ensure he is not like my cousin who is a self-appointed dentist, IE if he feels insulted he punches you in the mouth.😂

You'd have to throw away the bedding.

And maybe the mattress.

And maybe the whole bed.

Ewwww.