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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family wants to come and stay… only when we are not there

137 replies

coaplious · 26/07/2022 09:20

AIBU to think this quite cheeky?

I have a younger cousin (18) who lives back in my home country. He has a girlfriend who I have never met.

I live in London and have just moved back here from the US.

At a family gathering recently, in front of all family, he asked me “Can you let me know when you’re going away- so I can come and stay in your flat”. And then later on said “I want to go to london with my girlfriend… so let me know when you are not there”

On one hand, I get it, he wants to come and visit London and not pay crazy hotel prices. But equally, it’s my home and not a shag pad for an 18 year old who doesn’t want to visit his family!

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 26/07/2022 10:06

JudgeJ · 26/07/2022 09:57

'Sure you can, I'll send you a booking form where you can give me your card details etc.'

Do this! If you don't just give an outright no, do this. Get yourself a Sum Up machine and away you go:
sumup.co.uk/card-readers/?cq_cmp=12201978151&cq_term=card%20payment%20device&cq_plt=gp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-IT935mW-QIVTLTtCh028wOAEAAYAyAAEgIm4PD_BwE&cq_con=125513825918&cq_src=google_ads&cq_net=g

IrisVersicolor · 26/07/2022 10:11

“Don’t be ridiculous” + snort is all the answer he needs.

8misskitty8 · 26/07/2022 10:15

What did you say to him ?

viques · 26/07/2022 10:21

I would be mean and give him a date. Then when he turns up with a pocket full of condoms say “ sorry, change of plan, but you are welcome to the sofa bed in the sitting room for a night or two””

FictionalCharacter · 26/07/2022 10:33

Just make sure he doesn't get hold of a key!

Beebeebaby · 26/07/2022 10:33

We have a second home in Spain & get lots of CF hints for free lodgings when we are not there - I always say - “sorry but it’s full of our stuff & we don’t rent it out . I can put you in touch with someone who does though , it’s a lovely place and very reasonable “( obvs they don’t want to pay but it does the trick !)

NelStevHan · 26/07/2022 10:37

OMG. I had a 20 yr cousin come stay for a week while they were travelling around Europe and they treated us like a hotel! Out all the time, back at odd hours, borrowed coats, clothes, trashed ( and hogged) the bathroom, made a mess, ate all the food, asked for lifts, showed no interest in us or the kids. Barely said thank you at the end. Clearly thought we were old fogies ( in our 30s!) to be avoided. Never again! One day they'll look back and be mortified at their poor manners I would imagine.

Sandra1984 · 26/07/2022 10:39

It would have never occurred to me to say that to my aunt at 18 or at 35! How cheeky is that? However... if I happen to be in the apartment and there's a spare room I wouldn't mind taking him in for a few days if he needs to come to London (while I'm there of course). If he wants to bring his girlfriend to shag then they need to book and airbnb. Just tell him you don't feel comfortable having people staying there while you're travelling because you had a bad experience in the past with some friends who stayed there but if he ever wants to come to London by himself he can stay in the spare room.

SpilltheTea · 26/07/2022 10:47

Did you laugh?

AryaStarkWolf · 26/07/2022 10:47

AnnaMagnani · 26/07/2022 09:25

Pretty standard to ask if you live somewhere appealing - however also standard to say no!

It might be standard to ask if you could come and stay, I wouldn't think it's standard to ask when you won't be there so I can stay in your flat on my own!

AffIt · 26/07/2022 10:52

That would be a 'ha ha, no!' from me.

puffyisgood · 26/07/2022 10:53

I think it's very OK for him to ask, but in a much, much more subtle way, e.g. '...if you're ever away and stuck for someone to water your plants/feed your cats/etc etc' then I'd be delighted, of course in exchange for a small gift and...'.

whattodo2019 · 26/07/2022 10:54

Absolutely not! They could
stay in a spare room or air bed in the sitting room when you are there...

Chloecloverxx · 26/07/2022 10:54

I'd tell him do one! How cheeky

greatblueheron · 26/07/2022 11:02

And your response to his 'announcement' in front of family was...?

Cognacsoft · 26/07/2022 11:04

He's probably already told his gf he will take her to London and stay in his 'family' apartment.

I would just ignore him.

Spicedgran · 26/07/2022 11:05

What did he say when you said no?

10HailMarys · 26/07/2022 11:06

"I want to come to London with my girlfriend, but obviously we'll be shagging six times a day so we don't want you getting in our way. Let me know when you're going to fuck off, please." What a nerve! Although actually very similar to the sort of CF request one of my nephews would have made at that age.

Tell him 'No plans to go away any time soon and I don't let people stay if I'm not there, so using my flat isn't an option I'm afraid.'

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 26/07/2022 11:06

Parents have a second holiday home in France. Luckily it's not that easy to get to, hire a car from airport etc.

We now do @Beebeebaby and generally don't rent/let people stay there. We do occasionally let friends and family stay there.

One memorable time when Stepdad's 2 nephews and their wives came over, one or both nephews got pissed on the local spirit/drink and one pissed the bed. Then didn't want to pay for replacement mattress (it was really bad). Took nephew's father (Stepdad's brother) intervening but they were being a bit presumptuous, e.g. assuming stepdad would replace the mattress and they didn't have to pay!

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/07/2022 11:09

coaplious · 26/07/2022 09:20

AIBU to think this quite cheeky?

I have a younger cousin (18) who lives back in my home country. He has a girlfriend who I have never met.

I live in London and have just moved back here from the US.

At a family gathering recently, in front of all family, he asked me “Can you let me know when you’re going away- so I can come and stay in your flat”. And then later on said “I want to go to london with my girlfriend… so let me know when you are not there”

On one hand, I get it, he wants to come and visit London and not pay crazy hotel prices. But equally, it’s my home and not a shag pad for an 18 year old who doesn’t want to visit his family!

Tell him to bugger off!

Not only is this incredibly rude, but do you really trust a couple of teenagers to stay in your home unsupervised? Or anyone for that matter?

You could come back to a complete and utter bomb site because they have had a couple of parties - or because they just haven't cleaned up, an have treated the place like a doss house.

Stuff that for a game of soldiers!

TheOrigRights · 26/07/2022 11:14

There are 2 issues to consider.

Whether you are happy for him and girlfriend to stay in your flat when you're not there?
The outright rudeness of how he asked.

If you're happy for the them to stay then address the rudeness with him and see how he responds. If he continues to be a cocky little beggar then tell him no, but if he can accept that he has been presumptuous and can demonstrate that he is a mature adult and VERY grateful to be able to borrow your highly desirable flat then it would be a nice thing to do.

Are his parents mannerless, too?

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 11:14

AnnaMagnani · 26/07/2022 09:25

Pretty standard to ask if you live somewhere appealing - however also standard to say no!

This! No need to make a big deal of it.

Dacquoise · 26/07/2022 11:14

A friend was told by his daughter's boyfriend that he should move out and give them his house as he was old and had his time there!

Raul57 · 26/07/2022 11:17

TBH, I blame you for not being firm.
You could say you can stay for x days or not stay.
It's your place, your choice.

I've been different to most of my family from the outset, EG I say no when I want to. People did not really like me for that but I did do free lifts etc and when we lived up north I'd visit Heathrow to drop of family etc free of cahrge this was years ago. But as soon as I said no they took offence but I could not car.

I have noted some yes members of family/relatives who were trying to please others and now regret it after 20/30/40 years of yes as the people they helped no longer speak to them, lol.

If you want to help, good. If you don't, good as it is your choice.

Fraaahnces · 26/07/2022 11:18

Oh hell no!