Brother-in-law/family have named their dog with my name

[Raul57]

My OH's brother and I get on but more recently no the case. We used to argue over anything and everything and take the Mick but this was often restricted to when it was only our family their family is there ie my OH and children and the same for him.

BiL retired early at 50 about a year ago and his son and his wife that live in the same house decided to get a dog. This was about a month ago. They've named the dog the same name as mine and I found it very insulting. My OH said they have always loved my name and this is why they have done. When we met last week at a wedding I said to them they could have picked another name out of the millions, they just smiled and said it was a lovely name. They all had smirks on their faces. My children lol initially but they get it and told me to ignore it.
My OH is saying I've always been too 'sensitive' and a 'hypocrite.' EG, I often take the p out of the BiL and his wife but as I said only when the two families are alone

I'm seriously embarrassed, hurt and fear others finding out about this and mocking me.

AIBU?

I understand why it's insulting, I wouldn't have named a pet after a family member. You could totally rub it in their face one day when you meet the dog, give it a big fuss and say things like 'Oh, hello Sally, what a beautiful dog you are, us Sallys are all lovely and amazing, you must have reminded BIL to me so much, you're just as cute' etc. They might never forget that. (Childish or not.) And the dog will probably love you as well afterwards.

So would I.

I would be sending or giving furry me monthly presents.

Particularly ones that are irritating like squeaky toys.

😁

The previous problem neighbours did this - named same as DD1. Didn't bother us and kids when they found out thought it great.

Heard back on grape vine it drove her mad - she though one of mine was terrified of dogs - they weren't keen on strange dogs jumping up on pushchair in park but were fine in next door garden - and were upset we weren't offended about name.

We move on 6 years later - they moved on few years after that ( family saw on rightmove) - dog should have lived few years after that with a name which would have reminded them of all their frustrations.

Apparently our lack of engagement with her petty behaviour drove her nuts and her family had to listen to her rants about it all - she was know for big rows with everyone.

So I'd have suggested no reaction on matter.

My DH is a twin and him and his brother share 2 best friends (so a group of 4) and they have been like that since they met in nursery.

All of us have pets, theres:

1. Tobias and Finnigan (fur babies - I have no doubt those would have been what they would have choose for human babies).

2. Smokey & Bear (quite literal to how they look).

3. Daenerys & Thor (bit of fandom going on).

4. was named after another member of the group (a totally human name think Graeme, Paul or John) it was done delibrately and the refer to him as 'Dog Graeme' to differenciate and everyone else finds it hillarious (even the one its named after).

I frankly think its simply 'not funny' and 'odd' but not offensive either just wierd and dont 'get' why its suppose to be hillarious.

I think pets should have 'pet' names though, I dont get how anyone who could name this creature any unlimited thing as far as their imagination could take them (given it doesnt have to go through school, get bullied by other animals for its name or apply for jobs) would go 'ah yes, Carl thats the perfect name for this shitzu'.

Sounds like a good excuse to swerve spending time with them.

Whenever your OH wants to visit, say, 'No, you take the kids. I wouldn't want to confuse the dog' and have a nice, peaceful time by yourself at home.

@Raul57 - I reckon you should make a big deal to them about how touched you are that they have named the dog after you - what a huge compliment it is that they chose your name out of all the names in the family - really lay it on thick. If they think you are really happy about it, I bet they’ll change it, quick-smart.

My parents who lived almost 6,000 miles from me named their dog Susie, which is my much hated sister-in-law's name. At first I didn't like it, but then it became ok.

Anyway, they're all are dead now - my parents and both the Susies.

I'd bite their legs, or cock my leg over their sofa. And smirk.

Do you have a dog type name?
Oak, Bramble, Pippa, Sally, Ellie. Sadie, Luna, Poppy, Mollie etc?

Lily- that's the most popular around here

I agree with this. Taking the piss out of each other is immature. Why don't you both grow up.

I was wondering if the dogs name really is yours or if they told you it was just to get a rise out of you. Looks like it worked!

Again thanks to all.
The sensible thing IMO is that what many have said is to "ignore the hurt and pretend its not hurting." I agree

Several said I need to grow up, my OH tells me that as well as our children, I will try.

I agree that me not showing my hurt/emotions may do the trick and wind up BiL.

I'm glad I posted this and posting about it, reading, and responding has made me stronger and the next time my OH goes there or they come over I will pretend as though nothing has happened. I can relate that to wrk in a different what to when I worked as the person tried to wind me up and I never reacted and a few people told me that other people and his cronies were well ticked off.

Thanks again

ps - i will as suggested try and make the dog like me lots and I hope this winds up BiL.

That’s right, just you rise above it Fido. 😉

Seriously though? I would quit it with the wind ups and wise cracks.

As ever with snarky behaviour or bitching, someone inevitably takes it too far and someone will be hurt. You don’t want to be providing the next poke, nor do you probably want to receive it.

Life is too short for that kind of carry on. And it is too short to have to spend time with people who don’t enrich your life. Family or no.

I aasume because they are being used as a pawn in OPs and ILs childish games.

The dog won't mind.

I’d have gone totally the other way “ Awww, you’ve named doggy eight after me! I’m soooo flattered, come to Aunty, you gorgeous fur baby”
I have to say…
How old are you all? You must be at least middle aged if Bil is 50? You sound like grumpy toddlers.
I feel sorry for your poor late mother in law, having to intervene in her adult sons and daughters in laws bickering.

Doggy Woggy, not Doggy Eight.
Seriously op, don’t rise to their bait,
let any passive aggressive or not so passive comments slide, bite you tongue and smile and nod. They’ll get bored.

@Raul57 who's a good girl? You are! Yes you are!

You don't own your name - get over it!

I can see why you'd be peeved, especially if you don't get on with your bil.

However saying, I'm seriously embarrassed, hurt and fear others finding out about this and mocking me, is going over the top. No one else will care, your own husband and kids weren't bothered. No one is going to mock you, or probably even make the connection.
To say you have "fear "over others finding out, just makes it seem like you're getting off on the drama.

I would name a hamster/rat/gerbil after them. See how they like it.

Whilst I agree it is in somewhat poor taste that they named the dog after you, it’s not very kind and I’d not be particularly pleased, I also think you are very much over-reacting and bordering into being foolish e.g. suggesting they are teaching the dog the bark at you when you’ve only met it on a very few occasions (once?). That would be a pretty impressive feat of training if you rarely see the dog (unless you think they have a giant replica of you/ voice recording etc to use). More likely the dog picks up on your dislike of him/her and anger at the situation and is reacting to this. Keep things in proportion!

I would also say it sounds a bit like you’ve had a rather unpleasant/“nippy sweety” relationship with your BIL- you have taken the piss by your own admission, as have they, and you’ve both had to be admonished by your MIL in the past. I’m tempted to say don’t dish out that which you aren’t prepared to take….

When you have this sort of behaviour going on, it’s almost inevitable that someone will overstep the mark at some point. I suspect that may be what has happened here. Alternatively, perhaps one of your previous “jokes”/taking the piss caused more offence than you intended or realised, and this is their response?

I think the best thing to do is to shrug it off, move on and start a more sensible relationship with your in-laws. I imagine your OH is a bit fed up of the way both you and his brother behave, thinks your both as bad as each other and doesn’t want to take sides, rather than just being unkind. I think that is how I’d feel about it all, based on your description.

@Raul57 this is in The Mirror. Just a heads up. Sorry.

It's hard to say whether this is something to get upset about or not. The difference between a smile and a smirk is entirely in the mind of the beholder. If you expect a smirk, it will look like a smirk.

Personally, I'm leaning toward NBU, though this isn't really a fight you can win. If you complain, you look like a whiner. I like the idea of retaliatory naming, but try to stay good humored about it. A pig would be a bit obvious. Maybe you could find a really bad tempered, ratty looking old cat at a shelter and take it home and name it (un)appropriately. It would be a kindness to the cat, and it might make you feel better.

When my husband was growing up, his family had a farm with livestock. The kids would often give the cows and chickens the names of relatives who they didn't like. Then they would say things like "Look, I'm eating Theodore. He's a little gamy." He said it was a stress relief tool for dealing with unpleasant people who they couldn't escape.

I would not say I'm "unpleasant," not even my OH and children say that. As I have posted before they have said that I, me and BiL are "childish" and need to "grow up"!

The banter works both way by my children and even my OH agrees it was initiated more so by my BiL

Re the dogs name same as mine, my family agree that it is not nice or should not have been done and even my oH has reluctantly admitted it could be to wind me up but its their family and stuck in the middle.

As I said as suggested by the others here and my IOH & kids, ignore, pretend not to be offended and act in moderation that I like their dog.

What winds up my BiL and starts him off is I don't tell him how much the new car/s cost how much we sold them for or the private plate or how much something else cost eG, sofa's wood flooring, hols, etc etc and the reason I don't do that is that is when he asks the question is often proceeded by, and out of the blue as we are talking about something else he would say - "that must be 30 thousand" He has an interest in cars and has an idea and knows that a Mercedes GLS new starts from close to 80k at a discounted price. We did an orangery and he said that must have cost 5k - its 25 feet by 15 so you can work it out

I'm best avoid them but when we next meet I will pretend to get on.

About 5 years ago we sold a car for about 40k, we told him and he banged on about it that we sold it too cheap and then we told him how much we bought the new car for and he banged on about it was too expensive. and should have cost xx ie several k's less - so I challenged him to get us another one of same spec and colour and he fobbed me off that he did not have the time

He is a WUM, more so than me and calling their mutt my name is not on. I will play the game as suggested here and by my family as I know it will wind him up if I don't show my anger.