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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age would you let your DC swim in the sea by themselves

191 replies

Seawars · 25/07/2022 09:41

DC are good swimmers though not used to swimming in the sea. Sea quite a long way out and adults sat up the other end of the beach - so DC in sight but as the beach is busy it is hard to keep track of them. Children swimming properly (not just paddling) with body boards etc - though they've been told not to go out of their depth.
What age would you let them do this?

I'm intrigued as me and my friend clearly had totally different expectations about this on Saturday - despite my DC being the stronger swimmers.

OP posts:
lioncitygirl · 25/07/2022 20:40

Never.

Lilyhatesjaz · 25/07/2022 20:56

It depends on the beach. We regularly go to a beach were you can go out quite a long way and the water only comes up to my waist. I would let them in there from about 8, other beaches where it shelves I would not go in myself.
I am very cautious of the sea. I was brought up on the coast in the 1970s and we were in and out of the sea with minimum supervision from 8 or 9 on a beach with no lifeguards. There were several near misses. I once saved a younger child from being washed out to sea just by being slightly taller and grabbing her as she was knocked off her feet and pulled out to sea.
You only need to be swamped by a wave and get water up the nose to be choking and helpless.

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:02

Mine are 16 and 13, decent swimmers and usually one or the other (or both) of us is in with them. We only ever go to RNLI lifeguarded beaches and preferably calm/no waves!

lunar1 · 25/07/2022 21:02

I'd have been in the water, and mine are competitive swimmers!

ErmIDontKnow · 25/07/2022 21:03

Never. I just couldn't risk them floating away and drowning 😭

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:05

Burnedoutdr · 25/07/2022 10:08

Putting a life jacket on a 15 year old who can swim, in a lake, seems totally bonkers to me.

Show quote history

Why? Anyone I know who does things like wild swimming has a float

hatedbythedailymail22 · 25/07/2022 21:08

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:05

Why? Anyone I know who does things like wild swimming has a float

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Not sure what you mean precisely but wild swimmers don;t use flotation devices.

MaxOverTheMoon · 25/07/2022 21:13

It's really not bonkers to wear personals floatation devices for open water swimming. I swim in a quarry and you have to have a tow float, lots of sea swimmers are now wearing them too. Anything could happen, cramp, panic attacks, weed pulling you down, cold water shock in some places, tiredness. No way would I let my dc paddleboard or kayack in the local river without one.

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:13

hatedbythedailymail22 · 25/07/2022 21:08

Not sure what you mean precisely but wild swimmers don;t use flotation devices.

Show quote history

What are the float things I always see them with in lochs etc (safely on dry land here watching from
a distance!)

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/07/2022 21:14

We use a lifeguard beach, swimming between the flags. 10yo dd can go as deep as her armpits when the sea is coming in, 8yo ds waist.

When the tide is on its way out its knees max.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/07/2022 21:14

Oh and usually dh is in the water fully and I stand on the edge.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/07/2022 21:18

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:13

What are the float things I always see them with in lochs etc (safely on dry land here watching from
a distance!)

Show quote history

Isn't it just a sealed dry bag for their keys phone etc?

Hiyawotcha · 25/07/2022 21:19

We go to lifeguarded beaches. Dc have had sea safety drummed into them, including having surfing lessons which cover rips and how to deal. I would still keep an eye from shoreline on 16 year old, and 12 year old tends to want an adult in too anyway, but bare minimum would be standing at shoreline watching.
I remember my aunt standing like a cricket umpire covered in towels watching me and my cousins when we were young.
We don’t swim/surf at non-lifeguarded beaches and the lifeguards are there in case of emergency, not as babysitters.

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:20

The other thing that always surprises me is people letting their kids in the sea on these big inflatable unicorns/doughnuts etc. I’d be scared of the kids getting blown away on them. I always thought they were for pools.

Hiyawotcha · 25/07/2022 21:22

At the beach we go to most often the rips will open up when the tide is coming in - thought that was most common? The sea coming up has to escape and it channels in gullies/by rocks and where streams meet the sea - that’s why the fundamental rule is to stay between the flags, unless on a board (not a body board).

6ixty9ine · 25/07/2022 21:24

I cant believe some people are saying 18!
I was regularly going to the beach with friends from 13 with no adults at all. By the time I was 16 I had travelled abroad with friends without adults. I would still be keeping an eye on them at 10 but would be happy with a group of them in the water together without me physically being in with them. Iwould say I am usually one of the stricter parents re this too, obviously not on mumsnet but with the families we go to the beach with.

The fact it's nostalgic doesn't make it better in reality. I won't let my children in sea water deep enough to swim in. I'm sure they won't be missing out on much.

And you definitely don't sound strict if you're happy to let 10yos frolic without you (and possibly travel abroad at 16) that's pretty laid back. Up to you, but there no child is disadvantaged by not swimming in the sea alone, it's a pretty unnecessary risk.

Hiyawotcha · 25/07/2022 21:24

NB this is all In cornwall - so not a flat calm sea, lots of waves and big tides etc.

Delatron · 25/07/2022 21:30

I still stand on the edge or am in the sea with my very competent swimmers DS’s 12 and 13. Teenage boys are the most likely to drown and competent swimmers may take more risks. We’ve talked about rip tides and what to do. They’ve done open water safety courses. But I still keep them close.

Had a rip tide situation on holiday earlier in the year and it was very scary. The sea is dangerous and unpredictable. DH keeps an eye on me when I’m out swimming.

Open water swimmers often have a tow-float. It trails behind you and is inflatable so you can hold on to it if you get in to trouble. We have to wear them at our local lake.

RishiRich · 25/07/2022 21:35

LovinglifeAF · 25/07/2022 21:13

What are the float things I always see them with in lochs etc (safely on dry land here watching from
a distance!)

Show quote history

They're tow floats. Some of them also act as dry bags, but most are just floats. They're there for 2 reasons:

  1. Visibility, so you can be easily seen by other swimmers/ rescue team/ coastguard/ people on jet skis etc.

  2. To give you a rest if you get tired/get water up your nose. The sea/ lake doesn't have sides like in a pool where you can stop for a breather, so it acts as something to hold on to.

Hopeandlove · 25/07/2022 21:39

Burnedoutdr · 25/07/2022 10:08

Putting a life jacket on a 15 year old who can swim, in a lake, seems totally bonkers to me.

Show quote history

My choice as a parent is just that. A 30 minute swim in the sea is plenty thanks and then we put on B aids and get the paddle boards etc the sea lake is deep and quite frankly I don't care if you think I'm bonkers. I'm a good swimmer and was as a child and I nearly drowned just off the coast line on a calm day. A freak accident yes, I was swimming and some children higher up were lobbing rocks and one hit me in the head. I remember coughing up water and being in hospital thanks with a stitched head.

Only takes seconds to drown.

It's deep, very deep in the marina lake.

She's not swimming with the b aids -that is AFTER swimming so we can hang around and float and mess about .

616 deaths in 2020 from the UK waters. 616. Read the Swim England report it makes horrific reading.

So if I'm bonkers fine -but 30 minutes in the sea without any aids is long enough for me -I have two. So if one gets into difficulty I have to potential look after one, if it's two -I have two.

Hopeandlove · 25/07/2022 21:40
  • I mean read the report.
From your bonkers fellow mumsnetter. I can't stand the need to be rude either.
moita · 25/07/2022 21:44

A close friend (very good swimmer) died swimming in the sea when we were 18

Bunnycat101 · 25/07/2022 21:47

Your friend was too lax in my view. I grew up by the sea and it taught be a healthy respect for it. I love swimming in the sea but it can be dangerous and many children aren’t any where near as strong a swimmer as they think they are. My views would be different for locals versus I frequent visitors- I’d be much more cautious with the latter. I remember my sister as an older teen getting into trouble and her having to be rescued by my dad. She was a strong swimmer but misjudged the current on an inflatable.

PugInTheHouse · 25/07/2022 21:51

I live near the sea and we have very strong currents. 8-10 year olds should not be swimming in the sea alone, that is absolutely ridiculous. Mine love the sea, I used to sit on the edge as I find it too cold and they were only allowed up to about their waist and only ever in the lifeguard section. They are 14 and 16 now and go to the beach with friends and the rules are the same, stay comfortably in depth and only where the lifeguards are.

Even someone who can swim miles in a pool is not necessarily a competent sea swimmer, it's an entirely different skill and unless you understand tides and currents you shouldn't be swimming at all in the sea. Paddling and messing around is totally different.

We were at the beach one day and an unconscious 19 yo washed up, he'd jumped off the pier and hit his head as it was too shallow (this happens often) and then more recently a mum let her 17 yo take her 3 yo out in an inflatable dinghy, they got into serious trouble, a guy in his 30s saved them but drowned in the process leaving behind a wife and young kids. He was a very competent swimmer.

Delatron · 25/07/2022 21:58

We live near the Thames - every year teenage boys drown. A 16 year old drowned in a lake near us last week. Cold water shock is a real risk. So no not bonkers to put a life jacket on a 15 year old when paddle boarding in lakes.

They swim in the local lake as part of a swim club but that’s different.