to think English weddings are frequently sh*t?

[CraggyIslandTouristBoard]

...and in particular the timing of the so-called wedding 'breakfast' (a term which should in any event should only be used for a morning meal).

Wedding I recently went to:

• All guests staying in same hotel, breakfast (actual breakfast) at 8:30am


• Wedding starts 11am


• Canapes at 1pm EXCEPT we only got served 1 single canape. That was it. And we were on the lookout for them, and moved to stand near the kitchen when we saw they were being served but hadn't reached us. (Quite a lot of alcohol though but really not much fun drinking it because we're starting to get effing hungry.)


• Wedding 'breakfast' scheduled for 4pm, starters actually not served until 4:20ish, main course after 5pm by which point we're beyond hangry/fainting with hunger.


• 8pm cake, followed by evening buffet. Which only gets picked at because we ate lunch so late.


• We ate breakfast in hotel (actual breakfast) 8:30am


• Wedding was 11am for an 11:30 start, though didn't actually start until 12:20ish


• Canapes served about 2pm. On that occasion we got offered a total of 3 canapes. Seeing friends of bride and groom we've not seen for a while, conversation invariably goes (us) "Long time no see - how are you?" (other guests) "Pretty hungry actually!"


• "Breakfast" Lunch officially 4pm but everything seemingly running late, we were on the very last table to be served and got starter about 5pm and main just before 6pm. Dessert 7:30pm


• Pizza from 9pm, plus wedding cake. FFS we only finished dinner an hour and a half ago!!!!

At another wedding I remember something similar happening and people heading to the nearby pub to stock up on crisps to keep them going.

What is with this ridiculous tradition of serving a meal so late in the day with guests having effectively nothing to eat in the meantime?! These were relatively lavish weddings, I don't expect to be fed constantly/repeatedly/anything particularly fancy and would be quite happy with a decent meal at lunchtime and then just some cake (or a cheeseboard or pizza or an evening buffet if the wedding couple is so inclined). The weddings must have cost at fortune and yet at each of them it was clear people were just too hungry for most of the afternoon to really enjoy it.

How does anyone think this is a good idea?!

If you've organised a wedding with similar timing yourself, why?! Just why?!

Thank god we didn't have the kids with us, but in future if we do take them to a wedding I think I'm going to have to bring a picnic for them (and us).

(By way of background I am English myself, and had an evening wedding with a mountain of canapes followed by a full 4 course dinner straight after).

Biggest complaint I have about weddings is no seats for elderly / injured / pregnant / tired / worn inappropriate shoes at "waiting around" times.

Also lack of coffee! Getting to and preparing for a wedding can be tiring. A few times I've fancied heading off and picking up a Starbucks.

The point is that it's madness to spend a fortune on a wedding in the middle of nowhere (so there is no way anyone can get any food themselves) and leave people until late afternoon without feeding them, when the conversation of many of the guests was how hungry they were feeling and that they hoped the food would come soon. And then to serve so much food late pm and evening that much of it goes to waste.

I did wonder this in a previous post but where were the caterers/venue/wedding organiser in all this?

As above, both of the weddings I mention were in the middle of nowhere - one was 20 minutes from the nearest village (no hotel so we were staying further away than that) and the other at least 10 minutes' drive. Bit odd to be disappearing off in taxis for huge chunks of the day. 🙄

Do they? I don't and I don't know anyone in RL that does.
Packing a few snacks in a bag in case the wedding doesn't run to your personal food timetable isn't so hard. Especially if you know you suffer from the dreaded 'hanger'.

Well needs must if everyone is on the verge of collapse with hunger. Odd or not.

I have literally no idea - no idea how caterers/wedding organisers or whatever could think this was a good suggestion, nor how the bride and groom could. Maybe they persuade themselves that 2 canapes per head is enough to see you through the day?

The last wedding we went to involved a ceremony at 11am, an additional ceremony at 12.30pm (first one in an orangery, then blessing in a church to appease parents). Photos took a bazillion hours, plenty of booze around but no canapés. We then essentially waited in the bar of the hotel until ‘wedding breakfast’ at 7pm. DH and his friends went off to find a chip shop before they got too drunk to function.

This is one of the reasons why DH and I eloped.

We did things a bit different and invited people to arrive at 2 for 4pm wedding. The guests were served a substantial afternoon tea with sandwiches, cakes and scones etc. The main meal was then served at about 6, but no evening buffet. Everyone loved it- the only downside was that I didn't get and off the afternoon tea as I didn't arrive until the ceremony.

Almost all of the weddings I have been to have been in England. The timing of the few that I've been to elsewhere (a couple in the USA and a couple in Spain) has been quite different. So I wondered if it was a quirk of English wedding to be not infrequently timed in this way.

What do you mean the wedding started at 11am?
Apologies if I have missed this , do you meant you had to be in the church/ceremony room at 11am but the meal was not scheduled until 4pm. Then by the time everyone was seated it was 4.20pm. I have never, ever been to a wedding like this. Surely if you have to be at the church/ceremony by 11am the actual wedding must be scheduled for no later than 11.30am and who the hell books the sit down meal for 4 and a half hours later?
Very badly planned indeed.

Definitely not an American term! I am American and never heard of it until I attended weddings in the UK. American weddings also do not have a separate meal to which some people are invited to and an "evening do" the rest are invited to. There is a reception after the ceremony where the meal is served followed by a speech by the best man, cake is cut and the party starts. Also, most ceremonies don't start until mid-afternoon or early evening.

Still too long though in my opinion. I don't particularly like attending weddings in either country!

Yep we went abroad too. All guests fed and watered before the ceremony, then we paid for an informal meal everyone chose exactly what they wanted from the menu food and drink wise, and dh and I paid the entire bill.

Yes it’s ridiculous. Why do people have weddings starting too early and then don’t feed people until far later in the day. No wedding should start at 11am!

Think our ceremony was around 2ish. In London so plenty of options for lunch before. Hired a bus and provided snacks and drinks. Canapés when we got to evening venue around 4.30-5. Sit down around 5.30-6.

Hangry is definitely a thing. It’s all very well if you don’t experience it. But I do get very bad tempered. DH brings snacks out for me like a small toddler. We’re all different. No way could I last from 8.30-4 without eating whereas DH quite happily would.

Agreed.

I’m from NI so have been to my fair share of Irish weddings.

We can be very self congratulatory about how Irish weddings are always amazing- they aren’t.

I’ve been to do’s where there was long breaks between food, not enough to eat, had a shite atmosphere, poorly planned or held at a really inaccessible location. None of these things are limited to English weddings.

If a bride and groom haven’t been considerate towards their guests needs, the wedding will be crap, regardless of their nationality.

@PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog exactly and the weddings described are not even typical of any wedding I have been to in the uk
11 am start ??
Also weddings are a choice no one is forced to go so if it doesn't sound your sort of wedding just politely decline surely

@birdseatworms yes I know that now
I just don't know anyone that uses that term in uk either
We just say wedding meal : dinner in the circles I mix with

My wedding was at 12pm. Everyone to venue by 1.30pm. Canapés and champagne on arrival. Boring photos being taken. Speeches and then food at 4pm. Wine on all tables (paid corkage). Favours of whiskey or Baileys (and some chocolates). Local DJ known for his garage/dance music. Buffet after. Everyone drunk. All rugby crew. 🥴
Dinner was duck with cherry sauce, steak and veggie option.
Was told by my Irish friends that that’s the best wedding they’d been to

I know plenty of people who get cranky if they're hungry. I'm married to one and mother to two more. That's why I'm the cook in the house.

It shouldn't be a surprise. People can get ratty when they're uncomfortable in any way and some people really don't cope well with hunger.

You really, really shouldn't have to bring food to a wedding unless you've got small children. The first rule of a decent party is to make sure people aren't hungry or thirsty. I suppose needs must, but it's a sign of a shit party. Canapés in the reception and a timely breakfast and later buffet shouldn't be that difficult to arrange.

Ive only attended one wedding that I genuinely enjoyed. It was very short, full of love and loads of food.
Otherwise... loads of stress, waiting around, expense. Forced fun, big build up, same old shite. Im miserable I know.

Yes, you have understood/summarised it correctly. I can think of at least 4 weddings I have been to with timing along these lines. The most recent one we were required to be there by 11am and aside from 2 canapés we were fed nothing until 5:20 (though meal was scheduled for 4pm).

You had canapés at 1.30 but didn’t sit down until 4!!!! That’s way too long, what on earth were people doing for 2.5 hours. Reception 1-1.5 hours is ample

I live in a city. Wedding 50 mins away in country. Most guests were from said city. So 20 of us travelled together in hired bus. Ceremony at 12. Then driven from church to hotel in middle of no where. Very very small and basic hotel.
Dining room/venue room. And a reception that sold drinks too.
On arrival certain people were moved into the room (about 30 of them) for wedding 'breakfast' remaining 30 left in weird reception area that had like one seat and no food for sale or given. No where else to go in walking distance and hired transport had left. Collecting at 11pm.
People buying really expensive crap drinks and loitering in driveway/doorway/reception for a couple of hours before the room was 'transformed' into a disco. Everyone tired, bored, hungry, drunk, skint.
Absolute shit. Should have informed that most guests actually were only invited to eve but wanted them at ceremony. Then they could have driven/booked lunch in a local pub.
Horrible exhusting day.

I got married late afternoon. Free wine and fizz for guests. Dinner, dancing, home on bus provided.

If you knew what y=time the afternoon meal was planned foe (not a bog deal 4.20 rather than 4pm) you should have eaten a substantial breakfast.
If I had something like eggs on toast, I wouldn't be bothered if "lunch" wasn;t until 4pm.

If you think weddings are shit, don't bother goung to them.