Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

Big difference between refusing to ask your child to stop crying and trying but failing. The second is totally understandable, the first is rude to those around you

Ok so next time you're upset and crying imagine someone telling you to stop crying. How is that going to make you feel? Reassured? Safe? No, not only will you be upset but also now you won't be able to express the upset as that's not allowed.

"I’m amazed that some posters think I went on a day out without any resources to keep him happy, that I would happily let him cry on a train and not do anything about it. Of course I tried to stop him"

Oh ffs. People thought that because YOU said in your OP that you told the lady in no uncertain terms that you would not be asking your DC to stop crying.

You over reacted.

She made a polite request and you were rude and OTT

People generally are precious around their first born. Staying home so the baby can be in quiet surroundings isn't sensible advice. Paranoia about my baby disturbing others was exactly the reason I got PND with my first. I was too scared to go out.

When my kids cried I'd stop them wow you are just the most amazing mother with a gift !

See, I don't think the request was polite. The polite thing to do if you're being bothered is just move yourself away. It comes across was interfering and judgy,

“do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”
did she address you child directly?
leaving her baby alone further down the aisle as the train came to a halt?

that’s not normal……the best response would have been to ignore her or ask if she was alright or say “where is your baby? They are about to open the doors”

I think she was frazzled.

“One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.” You are both viewing the situation through your own prism. What the world needs is more understanding of the other perspectives, not less. That, my friends, is the way to true enlightenment and harmony.

You were both unreasonable. I think what she did was odd but you should have at least tried to quieten him. Only a minute" is a long time when you're listening to a whiny kid.

agreed

Or, “it’s alright we’re getting off”

or “we’re getting off, is you baby safe alone back there?”

I would soo read this! 😂

@CornishGem1975

I know OP has been changing her mind about what was and was not said but

do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep

Sounds like a polite request to me.

“That, my friends, is the way to true enlightenment and harmony.”

guffaw.

Great Ted talk.

One woman's terrorist is another woman's precious first baby throwing a shitfit on a train.

Any better?

@MajorCarolDanvers and she said it to a 3 year old? I wouldn't be very receptive of that at all.

You honestly “thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet” to stop him being a brat?

Wow.

Totally with the other mum on this who by the sounds of it won’t be raising an entitled little prince.

I have a newborn baby and the other day there was a mum with a toddler in full screaming tantrum mode. When she saw me with baby she used us as a tool to get her DC to stop screaming. “Oh look! Sssh! A tiny sleeping baby! You don’t want to wake her! Ssshh!!” I joined in, smiling and putting my finger to my lips and bent down to show her the baby. It worked brilliantly and I thought the other mum was very clever. Maybe the lady on the train was trying something similar to help you?

I misvoted, I thought she’d asked you to ask him and thought it was ridiculous as if that was a viable solution presumably you’d have done it already but I’ve read the replies and reread op and landed on yabu.

children often listen to other adults better than their parents, and your weird interjection of or objection to a perfectly reasonable request was weird. If she’d have told him off I’d have felt differently but sounds like she just asked

She could have asked you to shut your child up, she didn't, she bent down and spoke directly to the child with a perfectly reasonable request. It might have worked if you'd given it a chance. She may have been a nursery teacher, she may understand 3 year olds very well. She wasn't stroppy, you were.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up

standing on the floor or the seat because the latter would have annoyed me more than the crying. Rather than giving your phone to your child if you know taking it back will get a reaction you could have tried something different from the beginning.