Page 21 | Mum on the train

MumTrain · 2022-07-24T08:14:25+00:00

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired. It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand. DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon. A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”. I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train. AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

fUNNYfACE36 · 29/07/2022 23:13

Imverynewhere · 29/07/2022 00:38

I’m a little taken aback at the number of people who say they’d tell their child to stop crying.
They’re little and reactive at 3- to them taking that phone was frustrating and upsetting and out their control. If someone did that to us as adults we’d feel like shouting but because we are adults we’ve learnt to regulate our behaviour- at 3 children haven’t and aren’t really capable of doing so. Children who do “stop crying” when told aren’t likely to be doing so out of politeness but of shame or fear.
Regulation and resilience to things that upset us take years of practice but it starts with an acknowledgment that it’s ok to have negative feelings.
As someone who has been the sleep deprived mum who is desperate for her baby not to wake, the mum with the screaming three year old and the person trying to work to a deadline on a train near relatively loud children, it’s frustrating for all involved when a child is having a tantrum but they’re not being naughty- they’re just trying to tell us how cross/sad/out of control they feel.

Well thanks for the largely irrelevant lecture, Captain Obvious.But the op could have çhecked the connection time in a few seconds and given the noisy kid the phone back, or checked later, out of respect for the sleeping child and everybody else with ears

sunglassesonthetable · 29/07/2022 23:18

But the op could have çhecked the connection time in a few seconds and given the noisy kid the phone back, or checked later, out of respect for the sleeping child and everybody else with ears

No they were nearly at their stop, she needed to check then. It was whilst she was checking ( not fast enough for you obviously) that ole please can you be quiet butted in.

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 30/07/2022 00:08

Did you post this on a Facebook family group too?

SherbertLemonDrop · 30/07/2022 02:32

Yabu it's perfectly fine to ask a 3 year old crying because you want to check the time to stop.

Mummainwonderland · 30/07/2022 10:25

I really wish people wouldn't do this. It gives me such bad anxiety as it makes my little ones behaviour soooo much worse. Every. Single. Time. She hates other people approaching her, especially if she's already distressed, and it subsequently takes so much longer to calm her down afterwards.

Mummainwonderland · 30/07/2022 10:26

Mummainwonderland · 30/07/2022 10:25

I really wish people wouldn't do this. It gives me such bad anxiety as it makes my little ones behaviour soooo much worse. Every. Single. Time. She hates other people approaching her, especially if she's already distressed, and it subsequently takes so much longer to calm her down afterwards.

This was in response to comments about strangers "helpfully" approaching children to calm them 🙃

ZephyrPenguin · 03/08/2022 02:26

I don't think you were in the wrong or are being unreasonable at all. It's rude AF to tell someone's child anything corrective when their f-ing parent is right there! Also you're technically not wrong; she isn't the first and only person to ever take a baby onto a train. Personally if someones gonna use public transportation I don't think they have wa right to b-tch about the noise others make - regardless of what those noises are. But honestly, what is she gonna do going to other places with her baby? Tell them to be quiet as to not disturb her previous child? What if your son was autistic? Would she then feel as if her rudeness was excusable (it's not; regardless)? She could have just kept on going to somewhere quieter and less populated since it was a relitivly empty train. I would have told your to f-ck of and stick it where the sun don't shine tbh

Algbu6 · 03/08/2022 05:23

ZephyrPenguin · 03/08/2022 02:26

I don't think you were in the wrong or are being unreasonable at all. It's rude AF to tell someone's child anything corrective when their f-ing parent is right there! Also you're technically not wrong; she isn't the first and only person to ever take a baby onto a train. Personally if someones gonna use public transportation I don't think they have wa right to b-tch about the noise others make - regardless of what those noises are. But honestly, what is she gonna do going to other places with her baby? Tell them to be quiet as to not disturb her previous child? What if your son was autistic? Would she then feel as if her rudeness was excusable (it's not; regardless)? She could have just kept on going to somewhere quieter and less populated since it was a relitivly empty train. I would have told your to f-ck of and stick it where the sun don't shine tbh

Fantastic points about the other mum being out in other public places. This is one of the most ridiculous threads I've ever read on here with all the perfect mums. Saying just ask a 3 year old to be quiet...😂😂😂😂 funny because I ask my 7 year old that at times when he is chattering away and it does not quite work!

DarthMom · 04/08/2022 22:48

YABU there was no need for you to get nasty. If you didn’t want her input or help as I suspect was just trying to help you, then you could chosen a friendlier tone.

Paula1990 · 05/08/2022 13:36

A child of 3 is a toddler, NOT a baby! They are old enough to be asked questions. Mum should have distracted him or pl

CowEmergency911 · 07/08/2022 23:21

My issue is that just because you justify your sons behavior to yourself doesnt mean the rest of the world has to suffer the consequences. You refuse to control your child, allowing him to cry & throw a tantrum (i get that you sometimes can not calm them regardless but you should at least try). At 3, most kids can control some of their behavior-some will act out more in public, some less, depending on how YOU deal w it. My mom could control 5 with a look

Laisydaisy · 02/12/2022 12:46

This

Member869894 · 13/12/2022 00:55

she was probably trying to help. You sound bloody awful. Massive overreaction

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 04:27

I've seen another post where OP said a woman was crying on a train and OP asked MN wwyd, ie ignore, ask if ok, offer a tissue ... something like that.

Funny, no one said "Go tell her to be quiet."

The relentless bashing of mothers (often by mothers) is astounding.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 04:56

And yet again I see this is another zombie thread. 🤦‍♀️

nettie434 · 13/12/2022 05:33

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 04:56

And yet again I see this is another zombie thread. 🤦‍♀️

I should have guessed reading the bit in OP's post about a train with plenty of spare seats, instead of a crowded train, made worse by cancellations.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 05:44

@nettie434 and my scolding reply wasted...😝

nettie434 · 13/12/2022 05:55

I thought it was a very good point - not many people would confront a noisy group or someone talking at top volume on their phone so why another mother on her own with a 3 year old?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 06:52

@nettie434 thank you. Society seems to be so intolerant of children in public and scolding of the poor parents trying to cope

Sceptre86 · 13/12/2022 07:02

I think she might of been trying to help albeit in a clumsy way. You've acted defensively and she's walked off. She won't try again and hopefully you will be better prepared next time with something to distract your child.

BMrs · 13/12/2022 07:20

YANBU

Tandora · 13/12/2022 08:39

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/12/2022 04:27

I've seen another post where OP said a woman was crying on a train and OP asked MN wwyd, ie ignore, ask if ok, offer a tissue ... something like that.

Funny, no one said "Go tell her to be quiet."

The relentless bashing of mothers (often by mothers) is astounding.

if the woman was crying loudly because her partner took his phone back to check the time and you were there with your sleeping baby you might well politely ask them to be quiet and point out your sleeping baby!

Honestly 🙄.

The woman did nothing wrong. She didn’t scold or judge. she just politely asked the boy not to make loud noise on the train (making loud noise on a train is inappropriate behaviour) and explained the reason (sleeping baby). This was an important learning opportunity for the child (and apparently his mother 🙄). Her intervention was helpful.

ILoveeCakes · 13/12/2022 08:56

If a child starts acting up when the phone is taken off them, they might be on the road to addiction. I would be giving them a book in future, not a phone - but I realise I'm on my own on this these days.

FestiveFruitloop · 13/12/2022 16:17

ILoveeCakes · 13/12/2022 08:56

If a child starts acting up when the phone is taken off them, they might be on the road to addiction. I would be giving them a book in future, not a phone - but I realise I'm on my own on this these days.

I agree.

CornishGem1975 · 13/12/2022 17:45

ILoveeCakes · 13/12/2022 08:56

If a child starts acting up when the phone is taken off them, they might be on the road to addiction. I would be giving them a book in future, not a phone - but I realise I'm on my own on this these days.

LOL.

My child acts up when I take a toy off him, is he on the road to a seriously debilitating Lego addiction?