Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

It's a bit unusual but to be honest your reaction sounds worse!

Wow! Hopefully one day - in about two orthree years time - she will realise what a twat she was being.

You over-reacted.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train. you said this? That's nasty!!

Any way was there a quiet carriage? She could have gone there otherwise no its a free for all with noise

I voted YABU. Sometimes a little distraction from a stranger is exactly whar it takes to stop a tantrum in its tracks. I assume that's all she was trying to do and was trying to help you. No need for you to be rude or consider her to be 'batshit crazy. 🙄

Not batshit crazy. You just both seemed to think your DC's needs/behaviours trumped the others.

Also, was he JUST crying or having a tantrum? There's astark difference between the two. I feel crying to an extent coulbe tolerated. A tantrum shouldn't have to be by strangers and it's up to the parent to subdue it. Why were you just letting him cry in a public place?

To be clear, I didn’t actually say to her that’s she’s not the first person to have a baby asleep, I just said I can’t just ask him to stop crying and she walked off.

Yabu

I’m sure all the other passengers enjoyed the sound of your son crying if you weren’t even going to attempt to stop him.

Huge overreaction - on your part.

A stranger politely asking your son to stop crying and explaining why is fine. She may have been trying to help you. For all you know her baby could sleep through anything!

If I'd have been you I would have cheerfully said "oh we don't want to wake the baby do we? Shall we quietly look at him sleeping in his pram?"

Yeah whether you were unreasonable or not depends on whether or not you actually tried to stop your DS crying. There is also a world of difference between crying and a full on meltdown or tantrum.

Wow! Both of you were being unreasonable. She was BU to ask, but I often had those thoughts when mine were tiny as they didn't sleep well and I was strung out with sleep deprivation. I don't blame you for being shocked, but your reaction was well OTT. What did she say?

She was being more batshit crazy than you were.

Your response may not have been wholly appropriate but only came as a response to her bizarre behaviour towards your child's perfectly normal behaviour

I wasn’t just letting him cry, it was about a minute while I checked our onward transfer. Wasn’t a full blown tantrum, loud crying and asking for the phone back. I wouldn’t usually tolerate this but I made an exception as I didn’t want him to disturb people.

🤨You said in your OP that you told the lady in no uncertain terms that you would not be asking your DC to stop crying. Now you're saying you said 'you can't'. Which is it?

Erm, why couldn’t you ask him to stop crying?

A train is public transport. Toddlers cry. Anyone wanting perfect silence needs to drive themselves or hire a taxi

When her baby is 3 she’ll probably realise that just asking a 3 year to stop crying once they get going is not going to happen

I’m gonna go with the Reddit response and say everybody sucks here.

She shouldn’t have told you to stop your child crying, you shouldn’t have responded back.

No one wants to listen to a tantrumming child whether they have a sleeping baby or not. You take your children on public transport and it’s your job to tell them to calm down - rail fares are high - no-one needs a free headache because your child’s allowed to ride out a tantrum.

Why would you “not be asking him to stop crying?”

Your reaction seemed unnecessarily combative and just weird imo.

I wouldn’t have said anything to you but it is annoying when someone’s toddler is having a tantrum and the parents just ignore it when you are in a confined public space. That’s just putting it onto every other person there.
She just asked him, she didn’t shout at him. It isn’t really that bad imo. At 3 he should be able to understand not screaming and crying around a small sleeping baby.

This is exactly why a day trip with DC should include something portable that they can do on the train. Colouring book, tablet, small toy car…. when older a book/comic to read.

Going out with nothing and then giving them your phone when you know you will need to snatch it back is completely avoidable. Hopefully you will be better prepared next time.

I said to her I won’t be asking him to stop crying, it doesn’t work to ask a 3 year old to stop crying. Everything else in my OP was my thoughts on the matter.

shes an idiot OP, yes tell a 3yr old to stop crying why didn’t all parents of toddlers think of that.
any noise could wake her baby, bet she wouldn’t tell a man on a mobile to quieten down, way easier to pick on a mother.

I'd have told her to piss off and mind her own business quite frankly.

She has no right to speak to anyone else about their parenting or child. I might be annoyed but I'd never do that. What if the child was neurodiverse? Of course I would always try and stop my child from crying because it's bloody annoying for me, but I wouldn't be appeasing by giving back the phone and sometimes nothing else works and it's tough.