Mum on the train

[MumTrain]

Yesterday I was coming home from a day out with DS, aged 3 on the train. We had been out all morning and he was in top form but by the time we got on the train he was understandably tired.

It was a modern train you can walk through with no doors and spacious, wide aisles but still some seats free and no one had to stand.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I asked him to sit down and to keep him occupied I gave him my phone to watch a video with on silent so as not to disturb the other passengers. When we were nearly at our stop, I asked for my phone to check the time of our connection and he proceeded to cry as he was watching a cartoon.

A mum who was sat behind me heard all this and came to the aisle, bent down beside us, leaned in. I thought she was going to offer DS a toy or a sweet to cheer him up but instead and said “do you think you could be quiet? My baby is asleep”.

I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not be asking him to stop crying and that we have a baby at home too. She isn’t the first person to have a baby asleep on public transport. She could easily have walked the baby in the buggy further down the train.

AIBU to think that asking a toddler who is crying and having a tantrum to not cry is batshit crazy?

No preciousness on here . None at all. 🙄

People need to just move on in shared public spaces YANBU I'm guessing that she had no idea what was going on (seated behind you) but requested you accommodate her and her needs! Entitled much?

YES! Would mother of sleeping baby have asked this from a man? A drunk woman? A group of rowdy teenages? I seriously doubt it! YANBU

Have you lost all sense of proportion? Asking the OP's son to be quiet is not "horrible", nor was the woman "batshit crazy".

Both of you were in the wrong.

Tbh this would have stopped my little boy instantly, and I am one of those who never minds another parent joining in! Takes a village you know ;-) x

People HAVE lost all sense of proportion, yes.
So what if someone politely asked a three year old to be quiet? So actual what?
some of you need to pull your mummy heads out of your mummy bottoms.

The other mum sounds like she had all the charm of a rattlesnake.

If she was trying to help and it was a toddler shock tactic ( and I acknowledge that does sometimes work ) She should have said something afterwards when it clearly wasn't going to.

I doubt that's why she said it.

But what is the point of asking a 3 year old to be quiet? It is like saying "Calm down" when someone is upset. In the history of mankind - has that ever worked? No.
If all it took to quieten an upset child was to be "please be quiet" there would never be any noisy children.
So why did the other mum do it? Just to make OP feel awkward and put herself above everyone else.

But what is the point of asking a 3 year old to be quiet? It is like saying "Calm down" when someone is upset. In the history of mankind - has that ever worked?

Hmmm I disagree to an extent. I have a 3 year old (quite a challenging one actually). It depends on how he is crying. If he is genuinely really upset, then I agree - telling him to be quiet will do nothing. But sometimes he just cries and whines because he wants something, and then something like 'if you keep whining you won't get this tomorrow either' often does the trick. They're unpredictable little things, so you never really know what will and won't work!

@DdraigGoch

Yes....of course....now you point it out to me I have lost all sense of proportion. I mean, I am only talking from experience. Have you ever had a toddler? You do know what they are like....sometimes, no matter how hard we try, getting them to do what we ask can be difficult. This woman, who asked the OP to tell her son to be quiet, knew what she was doing.

Pray point out to me your reasoning behind me being wrong and proportionless though...other than just telling me that I am 🙄

@sunglassesonthetable This...the level of anxiety I feel when my son is mid tantrum in public is really overwhelming...and it bloody well isn't down to my 'parenting' it's embarrassing there are people saying any child doing this needs parenting classes...I can 'parent' 30 kids single handedly (I jest of course...)

And you totally stole my thunder over (I'm kidding) @MyrtlethePurpleTurtle and their comment about my post...fundamentally on my scale the woman who challenged the OP absolutely knew what she was doing...so in my mind is is 'batshit crazy' but in my mind....I can see you don't agree Myrtle...in which case just keep it to yourself...

YANBU.
Children cry, it's what they do. Every single human on that train has been a child that has cried and pissed off someone somewhere. It's the way of the world. There's nothing more shit than someone who you don't even know getting in your face in the middle of your toddler having a melt down and how smug....
I too would have told her to F herself.

Again…so what?

What’s with all the self-important outrage? Nothing happened.

*Again…so what?

What’s with all the self-important outrage? Nothing happened.*

So you're the uber cool person in a pressure situation. Well done you @pictish !

Despite what the uber parents say most people don't like their kids crying in public. Ramps up the pressure. Especially when you're on train checking the times.

You don't get it? Lucky you.

Haven't RTFT, but why did you allow your child to stand on the seat?

You are both unreasonable.

Her because it was a bit unreasonable to just march up to your kid and make that statement but also you because of course you should make attempts to keep your child quiet.

Just asking him to stop is not likely to work but you should try distracting him and so on. Just letting him scream his head off/have a tantrum in a public place while you look away is not appropriate...

Haven't RTFT, but why did you allow your child to stand on the seat?

You should tbh. Because she didn't.

DS was in the window seat and was standing up so I

He had been until then.

Dear god, which is why she asked him to sit down! She wasn't allowing him.

I’ve given up responding on this thread. So many posters are nit picking on tiny details to justify their criticism.

I was trying to calm him down and said I wouldn’t ask him to be quiet, it wouldn’t work but I wasn’t ignoring him at all. I WAS TRYING!

I’ve already said I was trying to distract him so he wouldn’t stand on the seat. For those saying I should have had more things with me to distract him, we had been out all morning and he had already eaten all the snacks and was bored of the little car I took with me. The phone was a last resort. I don’t just give him my phone at the drop of a hat, he has very limited screen time.

I’m not some entitled parent who lets their kids scream and doesn’t attempt to fix that. I would have BU then, but that’s not the case.

Thanks to the posters who have actually read and understood what I’ve been trying to say.

yanbu. No one has a perfectly behaved toddler who never ever tantrums or shows you up in public. You only have to look at the royal family for that(best part of the jubilee celebration imo)

I suffered pnd and anxiety. If someone had approached me like she did, i probably would’ve left the house for weeks afterwards. People need to think before they judge.
Good for you for standing up for yourself.

One day, in the not too distant future, lady on the train will realise she was BU.

Stranger politely asks three year old to be quiet. Sometimes that tactic works, it was worth a try. How was she being "horrible"? How is she "batshit crazy"?

@DdraigGoch

I've already explained in my original reply...but seeing as you're oblivious...

-She has kids, she knew it would be triggering to the OP that her DC was tantruming in public and still proceeded to challenge her in a vain attempt (which is nigh in impossible) to ask a bloody uncalm 3 year old to be quiet!!! That is both batshit crazy as she knows the situation...it's horrible in that she asked a fellow mum to do it knowing it would be a difficult job!

The third time I've justified myself...I'm still failing to spot how it is...in your words 'proportion' less....since I've explained with experience!

Like the OP i give up replying to you now!!! Enjoy your day!