One thing they get wrong in films or TV dramas about your job

[KarlWrenbury]

In schools. That boyfriends (invariably ) could just turn up in classes
See. Bruce almighty. Yesterday. Cheaters.

Also laughing. We had teacher interviews and once ended up with a column on who had a boyfriend (girls’ school). A sad let down from Press Gang.

The C of E Vicar at my son’s school goes by “Father Michael”. I was totally confused as I thought that was only for Catholic priests.

Not my job, but a question for someone in the know...

There's a murder scene. The scene of crime team / forensic team is already there, wearing the full gear (hooded overalls, gloves, etc). CID then turn up, they flash their badges on the way in and just waltz in as they are - they don't even put shoe covers or gloves on. Anything of interest that they see (which of course the experts have missed) is prodded and picked up with a pen. They don't usually talk to anyone at the scene other than each other - just a quick poke around and they go.

Would this really happen? I know putting the protective gear on would slow the drama, but surely it's there for a reason. I mean, in the last scene, the CID were at the main suspect's farm so have probably brought mud on their shoes from the field into the murder scene.

That there are 'secret meanings' in paintings and that art historians are all tremendously wealthy and well spoken. That curators have weeks of free time to research things. Or that the job 'iconologist' exists.

That as a teacher I can just leave the school in the middle of the day to follow up on my students home dramas.
And I'm no doctor but in casualty/ Holby city how easily theyll see someone who has a sprained wrist/scratch on their head just because they're accompanying an actual casualty. In real life you'd be waiting 3 days to be triaged if you only presented with a scratch!

Yep, this one.

Eastenders for years (they might still do this but I no longer watch it) seemed to think that children up to Y11 got "free periods" and could leave school to wander about.

Coronation St: Brian went from being a secondary school English teacher to a primary headship. Yeah - NO.

Are you a knight?!?

That one really irks me. I remember in an episode of 'Last tango in Halifax' when Caroline (Sarah Lancashire) took up a new headship and was shown arriving on the first day of the new school year at the same time as the kids.

As a headteacher, I was always in school by 7am. And the rest of the staff were all in before the kids turned up.

Not everyone watches those programmes though. I find them scary and sad. A work acquaintance was once on one being diagnosed with a brain tumour. He’s dead now.

I think it depended on your school, to be honest! I was at secondary school in the 70s and we wouldn't have DARED do that with any teacher.

@topcat2014 check out the accountant in the series Black Books. He was based on my actual accountant who was very proud of the fact.

Crisis comms. That we just swoop in when a politician has done something controversial, give him a few hard hitting truths and advise a TV interview, then swoop out in a flurry of rudeness to barge into No 10 to bollock the PM about something similar.

In reality it’s much less boring and you just can’t speak to people that way!

Yes, I’ve got the shots lined up. Two sambucas for the accountant with the worst estimate of the incremental borrowing rate. The actuaries are joining us after Spearmint Rhino chucks out.

On telly, accountants often seem to morph into financial advisers. That intrigues me.

That children have their cochlear implants switched on as they come round from surgery and can instantly hear and understand speech.

They don't use gavels! I'm really shocked.

That English teachers do little to no marking therefore having time for very busy love lives.

Retail, that you have time to piss about and only have one or two tasks per day.

I’m in! Although we’re saving ourselves for 2023 and IFRS 17!

I am often frustrated that there’s no Excel in Finance Department on TV. My life is spent in Excel. And yes, that accountants can all give tax advice…my last tax knowledge is more than a decade out of date…

From when I was a teacher...

school bullies portrayed as big 6ft tall knuckle-dragging lads who lurk behind lockers and rough kids up for lunch money. Yes there we had fist-fights between kids but these were usually one-off clashes, triggered by a sarky comment etc and usually quickly resolved. In my experience, the worst most insidious bullying took place online, or with whisper campaigns and social exclusion. And the worst perpetrators were girls.

Yes when they're still conscious and they will be referring to it as insulin, you're quite right about the other injection, in fact I've had to do it once, didn't like that!

That you can be a senior scientific/medical expert, who knows everything, is paid extremely well all at the age of 21. And still have time to perfectly do your hair and makeup every morning as well as have a social life 😂

wearing bowler hat on the back/top of your head indoors, with the chin strap on, sends me in to orbit. can count on one hand how many times I've seen one worn correctly.

Anything legal/court related is usually so far off what actually happens, it's laughable.

Yep, this in spades.

Loads of lawyers on TV and in films, but I rarely see in-house lawyers unless it’s a nameless suit in a boardroom scene. I do remember one, though, where the FBI or similar turned up at a company to investigate one of the owners or directors and the company’s lawyer immediately sprang into action and masterfully dealt with the situation. No. Anything like that and you’d be straight on the blower to someone who actually deals with that sort of thing day to day. The idea that someone whose day job focuses on contacts and corporate stuff can turn on a sixpence and deal singlehandedly with an unexpected and serious criminal matter is ludicrous. The cherry on top, however, was that iirc the crime being investigated was nothing to do with the company!