One thing they get wrong in films or TV dramas about your job

[KarlWrenbury]

In schools. That boyfriends (invariably ) could just turn up in classes
See. Bruce almighty. Yesterday. Cheaters.

I said this to DP yesterday when we were watching Law & Order: UK. He said he'd love to be a detective, I said in reality they spend most of their time doing paperwork!

Sorry but having been on the ‘wrong’ end of social workers - because my DD (5 at the time) made a disclosure about a family friend, they got involved with us. They VERY much were trying to build a case against us. See the recent panorama documentary too. I was actually wondering if they have quotas for removal because their ‘concerns’ were the most bizarre things and if I said “why is that a concern” (such as me not telling them I was a victim of sexual assault 3 years before DD was born, I was a ‘dishonest woman’) they’d say I was being obstructive and unhelpful. I’m afraid I can’t help but far then all with the same rush after my DD’s experience, whereby they did fuck all to help her except tell her they thought she might be wrong about her accusation.

*I bloody love 'VERA' .. and most detective shows .. (Midsommer carnage is a guilty pleasure) .. but I have NEVER .. in 26 years seen a DI (detective inspector) out in a job !! They are back at base up to their eyes in supervision and paper work !!

If it's a really big job then they might come out.. but they are not in the nitty gritty ... just stood at the back with a camera crew doing the public comms ..*

@Lindasllama don’t get me started on Luther. A DCI prattling about at scenes? Not a chance 😂😂😂

My DH is a retired police officer. He is disabled as a result of two injuries at work, the first one he was the DI and out chasing baddies with his team when he vaulted over a wall, wall was unsafe and he fell heavily damaging vertebrae which then led to the catastrophic results of a second injury.

I wish he had been up to his eyes in paper work. I wouldn't have spent the last 30 years as his carer. Maybe it is different now.

Are you the model for the Monopoly board? Or a hat maker?

That you can be a senior scientific/medical expert, who knows everything, is paid extremely well all at the age of 21. And still have time to perfectly do your hair and makeup every morning as well as have a social life 😂

you are also an expert in an unbelievable (literally) range of techniques.

Southern blot? Here you go, did it in 10 mins while I was waiting for the mass spec, running ballistics on a bullet, preparing and comparing DNA samples, checking the brake fluid on the vehicle, downloading the phone, pinging a different phone, developing photo reels, doing a quick fingerprint analysis, hacking into a computer program, running a few gels, culturing several different bacteria, and isolating a nasty virus.

looking at you, NCIS….

Everyone can afford a massive house and massive car even on low income jobs, they don’t ever actually spend anytime in work either.

Parents can just walk into a school right up to a classroom to speak to a teacher. Has no writer been to a school for 20 years.

😁😁😁

My biggest bug bare is that mothers are damsles in distress waiting for men to save their baby for them. I have watched a lot of horror or post appocolyptic and its always the same some man rushes in to save a random child while their mother collapses to the ground (surround by other women holding them and looking concern) screaming 'my baby, my baby'.

In reality mother usually are the ones rescuing their children in life of death moment, women have lifted cars and shelded babies from collapsed building with the bodies time and time again through history - we dont sit around waiting for random men to do our parenting for us.

Also the waters going spontaniously without warning to signify labour 2 minutes before baby comes without any previous contractions... in my 4 labours that only happened once and was PPROM from an infection.

My DH cant stand that tires screech everytime some turns the steering wheel.

The bully is cartoonishly bad for no reason just so they can give then a drip fed sad back story have a charicter arc to being a decent person.

Kids film the villian is a villian just because, they have not one single redeming nice feature because it has to be black and white... kids arent stupid ffs.

A work acquaintance was once on one being diagnosed with a brain tumour. He’s dead now.

Gosh that's terrible. I've never considered that of course some people will know the individuals featured. 💐

Also that people can take a black and white dark vga level CCTV still photo thats the quality of a 2 year olds sloppy potato print and magically zoom in press a button and turn it to 20 megapixel 4KHD video still.

Imma nurse. Don't even get me started. And I'm incredibly pedantic about liturgy with anything religious. I'm an altar server so it makes my teeth itch.

That accountants have to be good with numbers.

That made me laugh. I used to work for the vice squad and one of the prostitutes who worked in our area was abducted and found murdered just over the border, I mean like inches over the border, on a different force area. Oh the arguing, was it our murder or their's?

In the end we had two incident rooms and they were allowed to have some detectives in our room and we sent some to their room. So yes they do argue about who gets the case.

@hedwigismyowl reverend is their written title. My friend is a Most Reverend. And his formal title is 'Your Grace' or His grace. Which he hates and prefers father. For RC clergy it is alanward Father. But Other denominations will vary.

When I worked in libraries the stamp was for the due date. The barcode would be used to attach the book to the patron record. These days there's no need to stamp as it's mainly self issue and self return and library accounts can be accessed on line so due dates can be accessed there. We did shush people if they were talking in the silent area but not the social spaces.

when the actors are drinking from a disposable cup and there's no fluid in it and the actors don't 'act' the weight of the coffee / tea and when they put the cup down it makes the wrong sound. Yes I know this is extremely pedantic but it reaallly annoys me! And there often are disposable coffee cups

That it is acceptable for uni. lecturers to shag their students and there are no professional consequences.

As a novelist, that we get to drift around being inspired and living in a lovely house with a big garden on the proceeds of writing one book every now and then.
Rather than frantically trying to balance book deadlines with creative writing teaching / whatever else pays fast, and working out how to pay bills every month when your work pays (unreliably) a couple of times a year, not to mention the stress of tax returns, and waiting while your agent negotiates a new contract that will determine the next few years of your life, and never quite knowing if you're going to be commissioned to write anything ever again.
And then when your book's published, your publisher always throws you a huge launch party and everyone in publishing comes along to toast your immense success with champagne.

Sedative injections work instantly - someone is restrained, given a jab and they are out like a light. No.

That kids in school know everything about their teacher's relationships, exes etc, to the point of being able to try and fix broken relationships on behalf of their teacher and this isn't considered massively inappropriate by anyone.

Kids always say plot important lines or express themselves clearly. I work with kids and they are great but around 50% of what they say to me is irrelevant to the topic of conversation.

Sadly, I do know what goes on behind the scenes...
And I know that the admin types rarely ask the clinical staff how they would organise things to make care delivery, staffing and retention a reality.
I moved from clinical to vsm, so am v well aware of what goes on. This is not just a matter of insufficient funding, as you probably know, Noone wants to admit because it will show how irrelevant some admin roles are

Weddings taking place next day without legal preliminaries. Brides/grooms arriving very late and ceremony starting immediately with no paperwork being checked. One registrar per ceremony, clearly can’t afford to pay an extra to sit there.

Yes!

Another medical related one. Someone violently jerks when a defibrillator is used on them. This doesn't happen regularly in real life (only in very very very rare cases. I have never seen it but my daugher has once).