Strange man judged me for putting hand gel on my 2 year olds hands. AIBU?

[NojudgementMum]

I was in a queue in a cafe today and I had my 2 year old DS with me in his buggy. I looked down and notice his hands were mucky and I didn’t have wipes or tissue with me. So I grabbed a small bit of hand gel from the counter and rubbed some on his hands to clean off the muck.

This older man standing behind me stared at me and said “he’ll have that rubbed into his eyes any second now”. His tone was cold as he glared at me judgementally!

It took me a few seconds to register what he said because I was so shocked and taken a back by his intrusion.

I would never put my son in danger, I only used a tiny bit of gel and waited for it to dry in fully so he wouldn’t put it in his mouth or near his face!

Who does this man think he is judging me like that? He stood there on his own in his nice suit, seemingly having a stress-free day, meanwhile I’m struggling to do my best and get through these long summer days with my 2 children (DD was in camp)!

Why can’t people mind their own business?! What right do men have to judge mums like this? The fact that he was a man pissed me off even more! He was in his 60s and I’d say like most men back then he never lifted a finger to help with his own kids back in the day!

AIBU?

He was in his 60s and I’d say like most men back then he never lifted a finger to help with his own kids back in the day!

A man in his 60s was raising children in the 80s and 90s?!

Anyway, it was a bit of an odd thing to say. But never mind.

I'm intrigued. I've been on mumsnet for years. Don't post much and only read now and again. I've see a massive increase in posters asking why has OP bothered to post.
How do you apply for the position of post police and does it pay well?

People can't help themselves commenting on mothers. Someone complained to her friend because I gave my DS (about three at the time) some blueberries on the bus.

I always replied with
"Oh is this your child?"
Them "No?"
" Right MYOB then!"

I've never had a random male stopping to pass judgement on my parenting. You may be overthinking this exchange.

Judgemental of you say that if he had kids, he never lifted a finger to help though. Do you think that all males are lazy and don't help with their kids? Why do you think that?

Yes. My dad is in his 60s. I'm.in my 40s ........ I was a child in the 80s (also the 70s), a teen in the 90s. He is FULL of shit parenting advice, particularly of people he doesnt know, but still left his grandchildren sitting g at a table in a coffee shop to go in the next door shop to ask what was keeping me..

he has a phone

Don’t waste your short time on this earth getting worked up about strangers and their arbitrary comments and letting them live rent free in your head for days.

Yes, really profound.

Good old sexism and misogyny that us women have to deal with on a daily basis. I can guarantee he wouldn't have said a word if your child's dad was putting gel on his hands. I've have told him to mind his own fucking business but I have zero tolerance for misogyny and no problem challenging it.

Is this it?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4308248-The-random-comment-men

Oh definitely time to look him in the eye and say very clearly with a puzzles look "thanks random man"
And do about your day

"Yeah when I had DD I could not believe the number of middle aged men who seemed to think it was okay to pass judgmental comments on my parenting in public. They like to do it because it’s controlling and a way of dominating women in public."

Also taking advantage of having an excuse to talk to young women.

Ohhh, you missed an absolutely golden chance to pop out a sarcastic “thank you, random man” there!

Infuriating.

Last winter, my toddler DD was in her pushchair eating a snack with one glove off. Some busybody approached me trying to tell me to put her other glove on. I didn't even bother to explain that she was eating a snack. I just put my hand up and said "NO" quite loudly so she retreated.

I just can't be doing with it. I'm sure my attitude symbolises the breakdown of the village or some such guff, but I don't care. Keep out of my business.

I am in my 60s and this is complete bollocks. When my children were young DH and all my friends DH/DPs were hands on Dads

My neighbour is in his 60s and has his grandson full time while his daughter works. From about 8am till 6pm since the child was 2 years old. He loves it.

Roll your eyes and forget about it.

Did you not miss the bit where she said she used the hand sanitiser because she didn’t have a tissue.

My Dad's in his 60s, I grew up in the 90s not the dark ages! What decade do you think men in their 60s were parenting in?

Anyway, it would have been in one ear and out the other for me. It's not worth stewing over.

Crikeys! I agree anyone making remarks about your parenting is mildly annoying BUT your comment about men in their 60s not doing childcare is more annoying. If my dear Dad was still alive he would be nearly 100 but he was very much a hands on Dad when I was growing up. Read to me most nights, made swings in the garden and did numerous other things.

Just to clarify I am not ageist, my kids own grandads are very hands on and wonderful, as are many I know.

Maybe I should have explained properly. It was just the look of this particular man, he was a certain type, polished, conservative type, think your misogynistic, golf club type of man. He looked very relaxed on his own, as I struggled on a very hot day on little sleep.

Maybe I’m wrong about him, and yes that is me judging him, but he was judging my parenting to begin with.

I wouldn’t have even noticed him or thought to “judge” him had he not stuck his nose in my business.

Why do people need to doll out unsolicited advise to strangers?

A golf club man? 😂

Yes a Trumpish Republican type, I’m trying to paint the picture. I am aware this is my own judgment, but how else can I convey the message without sharing some of his characteristics.