Creepy neighbour 2

[Mooshamoo]

I posted here a couple of weeks ago. I bought a house six months ago in a medium town in Ireland. Two middle aged men live next to me.

I posted here that I was on holiday last week, and these men got my estate agent to ring me to see where I was. They are friends with my local estate agent.

They said they were worried about me. This creeped me out as I instantly got the feeling that they werent worried about me, they just wanted to know where I was. I felt it was very intrusive and over the top.

If there was a young woman living alone next to me and I hadn't seen her for a week,I wouldn't dream of getting an estate agent to ring her. It is totally creepy.

Now I am back in my house, my neighbours are creeping me out more. Many times that I go into my front garden, the men come out and stare at me.

For example I went out to cut my front lawn.
I was cutting my front lawn, and the man next door came out into his front garden, and just stared at me the whole time.

Then this morning I went out to pick up a delivery. Next door , he was walking out of his front garden. But when he saw me come into my garden, he stopped walking, just stood there and stayed in his garden and stared at me until I went back in. They never say a word. Just stare.

What do I do. I'm starting to feel really upset in this house. I wanted to have a nice private house. Now I'm starting to feel uncomfortable every time I go out.

If two men live together I don't think they would be interested in a woman much... Are you from the local area? They might be funny for another reason like that

They may just be parochial country bumpkins. They may even be brothers, you know born in that house and never left.
Don't be aggressive and ask why they are staring but I also wouldn't kill them with kindness either.
I'd just say the next time you're being watched, look quizzically "can I help you?" Gauge a reaction from that.

I definitely don't think that they are a gay couple. I think they might be brothers.

Thanks for the posts of support. I'm just reading through them now.

Stop dead, stare back and ask "can I help you" in a strong voice, or "are you alright there"?

A neighbour was well known for blatant nosiness in my village. If he stopped outside my window to peer in (regularly) I used to stop too and follow it up with a wave. He had no shame.

Hi i would go out & say Hi to them , but dont budge just stay out & enjoy your garden. ,but if they continue to stare threaten them withe police

I like to think I would give them a massive smile, wave and shout "Hello neighbour - what a coincidence that you are outside at the same time as me again". In reality I would scuttle inside and avoid all eye contact!

Sounds like a gay couple & a big over reaction to me. You don't sound cut out for rural living, I get that it can be claustrophobic & very creepy if you aren't used to small community nosey knickers.

I agree that you need to speak to your estate agent. Ask questions & get facts instead of letting your anxiety run away with you. & I can't believe you haven't just spoken to your neighbours yet & nipped any real genuine ott & odd behaviour in the bud. I thought I was antisocial, but Ive nothing on yiu 🥴

@RockinHorseShit they are definitely not a gay couple.

I'm sure that they are brothers.

It is pretty common for brothers in rural Ireland, (if they don't get married), to live together until old age.

For example, I grew up in a different part of rural Ireland. When I was a child, my closest neighbours were three middle aged brothers that lived together.

@SarahSteedman82

That is awful that your male neighbour used to stare at you in your garden.

You know how I feel! I was in a good mood, until I went out and stared at me.

I was just on the phone to my mam talking about it. She said that most of her recent neighbours have been fine.

But she said when she was younger she had problems. She said that when she was a young good looking woman, a man in one of her neighbours houses, used to actually get on a ladder to stare at her over her wall. Omg.

Maybe, but I have gay friends from rural Ireland & it's not something that's always obvious due to prejudice.

I grew up in a small nosey knickers community like this & I absolutely couldn't have stayed there, it's not necessarily sexually motivated, but is definitely massively intrusive & would drive me bonkers as it is you. Though it's normal to them & it's us introverts who are weird to them.

Speaking to the estate agent seems like a start, but I'm honestly not sure what you can do if this is just the way the community is, one where they live in each other's pockets, chat over the garden fence & know everyone's business. It might simply be a bad fit for you. You'll soon know from the estate agent's reaction, but nothing you've said sounds so odd to me having grown up in a community like that

Op I am sorry you seem to have moved in next door to podge and rodge but it doesn’t sound as if they have actually done anything wrong apart from be a bit nosey. They are in their sixties and it’s a big deal for them to get a next door neighbour. They are probably standing there waiting for you to tell them your life story and are probably expecting a relationship with you as their neighbour. Rural town culture in Ireland is different from the bigger towns there is a lot less privacy (huge understament).

Definitely get the CCTV, you have to put signs up to say you have it and that might put them off a bit.

That would really bother me. I would get a great big dog I think and invite as many people to visit as possible. If brave I would ask them if they wanted something since they are loitering and staring. I would also get very good door locks and an alarm.

Have you ever said hello to these guys? You don't need to form a friendship or anything, just a friendly hi how are you would do on first moving in.

The lads are probably secretly delighted that you are there. It is something for them to talk about in their quiet lives in the country.

Maybe there is no malice intended. If you have completely ignored them and denied their very existence, well they may have taken umbrage at that "blow in" attitude. You have to think the way they might think.

Other than that, if you remain unsettled and uncomfortable, you may have to move elsewhere eventually. But do give it time and try to say hello. Anonymity is normal in big cities and towns, far less so in the deep countryside. If you are not playing ball you will be seen as stuck up and odd yourself!

They are staring at OP all the time. Why the fuck should OP be friendly to them?

Such disturbing views here.

The "brothers" might probably be thinking the same thing: "What an odd ball this lady is, she just moved right next door and hasn't even introduced herself or invite us for pancakes", so they're just loitering around waiting for you to introduce yourself, tell them who you are and why you're there.Again, this is not London, this is a rural area were people know each other since birth and are very very bored. A young woman moving there by herself is like a disco ball for them.

The neighbours I had growing up were creepy, one of them had some kind of learning disability and didn't seem to understand boundaries and would want to chat whenever any of us (my brother's, parents or me) were in the garden. My other neighbour though, he was just ick, he offered to lend one of my brother's his collection of porn videos.

On my 16th birthday I overheard the two neighbours discussing my birthday and how I was "legal" now. From then on I refused to put myself in any situation where I was alone with either of them.

@BIWI why are you so bothered? 1 or 100 threads doesn't matter no one is asking you to read them!!

How do we know that the OP is not the odd person in this triangle of neighbours?

Not having any interraction whatsoever with the people next door is not that unusual in big cities and towns with a transient population, but I reckon in rural backwaters it is taken as an insult from a blow in upstart. OP might let us know how much or how little she has nodded or said hello.

Sometimes local conventions do not make a lot of sense to those who have never lived in rural communities. This is one of them. I reckon there is fault on both sides, and things got off on the wrong foot because of OP's terror of interraction.

If you had read my post, that is exactly what I said!

@fizzywat If you had read my post, that is exactly what I said!

sorry for agreeing with you 🤔

I'm sorry too, if I didn't read your reply correctly either. Friday night in suburbia, the neighbours are great BTW. I do say hello and smile at them too. 😉

My experience is people are nosy as hell in rural areas and they can even be standoffish until they 'suss' you out. But some people may never approach you and say hi, even your own neighbours, especially if they're a bit older and probably more likely if they're male without a wife (Not trying to being judgy or sexist, just speaking from my own experience). They might be waiting for you to approach them first.
I literally knew everyone in the village I come from and vice versa. A lot of people also knew a lot of my business and vice versa. That's how it is. Not much went on where I lived (I moved away first chance I got) so people need things to talk about.
You probably are like a shining disco ball to these lads. Maybe say hi and tell them your first name. Hopefully their behaviour will get better. Maybe they were just concerned about you when you were away and wanted to know you were okay, but I agree that ringing your estate agent to know where you were when they're basically strangers to you right now is a bit OTT.
I would kinda keep an eye on the behaviour. Maybe they are harmless (probably most likely). But you are creeped out obvs, so I guess just best to keep an eye.

I don't live in a very rural area right now.

I live in a medium sized town.

I guess me and them are just very different.

I spent the last five years living in Spain and the UK. I never spoke to or saw my neighbours in either country. It was totally anonymous. In Spain . I
lived in an apartment block. Never saw or even thought about the neighbours.

So that I what I was very used to.

People saying I should be friendly with him. I think I would - if maybe my neighbours were the same age as me.

I don't want to be friends with 60 + year old men. I wouldn't be friends with 60 + year old men anywhere else. Im a bit nervous of old men in general. I can remember lots of stories about creepy old male
neighbours in Ireland.

I don't remember anyone ever saying to me "I had a lovely elderly male neighbour". I remember my mother telling me that she had a creepy elderly male neighbour. And I remember my aunty told me that she had a really bad elderly male neighbour, who would invite himself around to her house every day. And she couldn't get rid of them.

I'm a bit scared of old men in general. If my neighbours were my age I would chat away. I do say hello to these men but that's it.

I don't think women should have to be friends with men much older than them, just because they live near them. At all.

Look at the woman who posted above about her male neighbour saying she was "now of age" when she turned 16. Ew.

Anyway I'm just going to have to ignore them and get on with it. And not let them ruin my time here

Get CCTV set up. Say nothing to the men. Get enough evidence of them staring at you etc to present with a complaint to the police.
I'd check with the estate agent they have not given them your phone number.

if you are not attached to the rural area - move away