Creepy neighbour 2

[Mooshamoo]

I posted here a couple of weeks ago. I bought a house six months ago in a medium town in Ireland. Two middle aged men live next to me.

I posted here that I was on holiday last week, and these men got my estate agent to ring me to see where I was. They are friends with my local estate agent.

They said they were worried about me. This creeped me out as I instantly got the feeling that they werent worried about me, they just wanted to know where I was. I felt it was very intrusive and over the top.

If there was a young woman living alone next to me and I hadn't seen her for a week,I wouldn't dream of getting an estate agent to ring her. It is totally creepy.

Now I am back in my house, my neighbours are creeping me out more. Many times that I go into my front garden, the men come out and stare at me.

For example I went out to cut my front lawn.
I was cutting my front lawn, and the man next door came out into his front garden, and just stared at me the whole time.

Then this morning I went out to pick up a delivery. Next door , he was walking out of his front garden. But when he saw me come into my garden, he stopped walking, just stood there and stayed in his garden and stared at me until I went back in. They never say a word. Just stare.

What do I do. I'm starting to feel really upset in this house. I wanted to have a nice private house. Now I'm starting to feel uncomfortable every time I go out.

Or you could just turn back to them and stare right back, open mouthed, like you’ve had your brain removed! See if you can make them as uncomfortable as they make you.

That is awful and creepy. Is there a manager at the estate agents you could complain to? The estate agent should not have complied with their request - using your phone number for this purpose is at the very least, a breach of GDPR (as this was not the purpose your phone number was obtained for).

I second ring doorbells and a dog.

Perhaps get a friend to come and stay or consider a lodger. Not so.much for safety, but because this will change the current dynamic where they feel like they outnumber you and can do what they want.

How awful! I definitely second putting in a complaint to the estate agent who shouldn't be getting involved or giving out any private information whatsoever. I'd also be tempted to stare back and ask what their problem is every time they do it. Let them know you're not a woman to be intimidated and pissed around. Easier said than done sometimes though, I know, but it's like school bullies. Stand up to them and they'll usually find someone else to pick on.

So sorry for you and no advice really, I had new older neighbours move in next door (all detached here so a fair distance between houses) but noticed the man would always happen to go out to the garden right next to the shared chest high shrubbery every time I would go out to get some sun or read etc, wouldn't say hello or anything just tended to look at the garden and trees etc but always with an eye in my direction. I got sick of it after a few weeks and when he did it again one day I waited until the sun was really out and took my top off and shouted is this what you wanted to see you old per, his wife came out and he scurried back in. He hasn't done it again and his wife sent me a local deli hamper with a note saying how sorry she was.

If a neighbour stood staring at me and not speaking, I would ask them why they are staring? They sound like a bunch of weirdos and I wouldn't feel safe in my home, get some cctv and maybe a dog if possible.

I would be encouraging as many visitors round as I could, the more different cars appearing the better, especially any male colleagues or ralatives, for a coffee or help you briefly innthe garden with something (just to be seen) and so forth. But take up your space and be seen fully occupying it.

Maybe borrow a headcam /get your visitor to wear a headcam.

Could you ask around locally, the history of your house, who used to live there etc - which might give you some clues towards their behaviour.?

You might not want to get into conversation with them, but could try “morning chaps, have you been here very long?”….or one of your visitors could? that might give you some background….or the estate agent…

I think I'd be tempted to say 'Didn't your Mother teach you that it's rude to stare?!' next time and if you get the chance tell the cheeky sods to not go checking up on you again.

is it one of those 'A SINGLE WOMAN LIVING ALONE - THE SCANDAL!' situations?

Either way, they're the divs, not you. You go about your merry way, OP.

Unfortunately, some men (and women) cannot cope with a woman being single and living alone. There is a neanderthal view that such a woman must be either weird or slutty – either way she's fair game. If she was 'respectable,' she'd have children and a partner. That was the standard view of single, childless women throughout history. And it persists in a lot of places to this very day.

They don't sound like bullies to me, more like creepy bumpkins who've lived in the same little village all their lives. They are hoping for a sexual come on. A woman living on her own...well, that's not respectable is it, she must be a slut or a prostitute. It's such a disgusting, primitive attitude.

I agree about staring back though. Don't be aggressive OP. Just look right at them and say "what do you want? Is there a reason you keep staring at me like this? It's quite intimidating you know." I bet £50 they'll panic, blush, mumble something and run indoors. They'll also get the message that this isn't 1700 and that a woman on her own isn't "fair game".

That is really creep. I'm a bit more bold and would have confronted them when I got back not aggressively though. Something like I'm wondering why you felt the need to track me down when you don't speak to me? Is everything ok? See what kind of response you get?
Or I would have said to the estate agent oh how odd they barely say hello strange that.
Are they socially awkward? It's the only uncreepy reason I can think why they would behave like that. They want to speak but not sure how or what to say?

Ah of course, a woman is being harassed by her neighbours but it’s the woman who is creepy.

Seriously, get help.

Maybe just make light conversation when they stand in the garden staring. Along the lines of “doing some gardening as well?” Or comment on the weather. It’s got to be better than the awkward staring and silence now. If they don’t answer, ask casually if they are ok.

You can't just ignore it and live in fear but I would put a more positive spin on it and give them the huge benefit of the doubt that they are just lacking social skills and kill with kindness.
Go and knock on their door, be very confident and bold probably more than your natural instinct and introduce yourself, say hello and give them a bit of a grilling with a big smile. show you won't be intimidated and try and suss out what they want. If you speak to them and still come away creeped out then I think you are perfectly justified in asking "can I help you?" If you see them staring and when they inevitably say no then ask why they always seem to be starting at you.

Yeah, I would do this

I have lived in Ireland and our maintenance man used to be really nosy. It turned out he was in our house when we weren't in, he was stealing money from us and who knows what else.
He was also a complete busy body, always stirring the pot, making mild threats towards my mother and carrying stories back to the landlord. He was also in his 60s funny enough.
We moved away after a while, but if we hadn't, it would have just continued.

I really think he was so bored with his life, that he had to go about carrying stories and deceiving people. It was pretty sad really.

They don’t get out much and you cutting your lawn is the most interesting thing they’ll see this week/month/year. ?
Had a relative years ago who was country born and bred, never even went to the nearest town (10 miles away) New road opened near his mother’s house and he used to drive there and they’d spend an afternoon , leaning on a fence, watching cars go along the new road and commenting on the lorries. If a coach went past that could be talked about for a week.

I wouldn’t let them know you are intimidated by it but I would definitely phone up estate agents and put an end to all that nonsense. Also higher fences and plants some trees. Stop them staring in.

Ireland is in the EU so also has to abide by GDPR legislation, and that sounds like a massive breach by the estate agent (using your contact details for reasons other than the house purchase) so you may be able to report him.

Can you add some fencing or tall plants to give yourself a bit more privacy?

Two middle aged men living together? Sounds like a gay couple. More than creepy they look very very very bored to me.

All the best op