Happy I won’t see these Mum’s again

[Cherrysherbet]

My DD left primary today.

The Mum’s from her class are so far up their own arses. I’m quite clearly not their kind of person.

I have been in multiple situations where they will literally turn their back on me to cut me out of a conversation.

I am friendly to everyone, and don’t have this sort of problem in any other part of my life.

They don’t say rude things to me, but their body language makes it clear that I’m not worth including in conversations.

Why do grown women behave like this?

I’ve hated going there the last couple of years. I really hate the fact that it has bothered me so much. I’m 48 ffs!

Even today at the leavers assembly, they asked me to move seats, and when I moved up, the woman turned her back, so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone! I have never been that close to saying something! I moved right over the other side of the room. Sick of being treated like that.

I am so happy that I’m not tied to having to go there now.
I came home and deleted myself from the class what’s app straight away! Yessss!!

AIBU to ask all primary school Mum’s who are going back in September to be thoughtful about how their actions make others feel?

We teach our kids to be kind and include others, so why do we often get this kind of mentality with the Mum’s? I’ve seen lots of similar post on here before, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced it.

Got this going on now in my DS year. I find it so bizarre.

GoofyJones

Enjoy your freedom OP!! You've run your race.

Thank you! For so many years, I’ve hated these school events. Being the outsider is crap, whatever age you are. It’s all over now, and I feel great 😊

Enjoy your freedom OP!! You've run your race.

I think OP it might be worth letting the school know, as it must rub off on the children (could be worse, if you are the child of a murderer I suppose) and the school should be aware of the challenges it could bring in teaching. Some of those women you refer to may have younger children.

It may even just be nice for them to know you have sympathy for some of the parents they have to put up with.

Thepeopleversuswork

Some of the people posting this are themselves being pretty nasty. I'd be more sympathetic if people came on saying: "I find it hard making friends via school, AIBU?"

If me posting that I’m happy to never see these mums again, after being made to feel awkward around them for the last 7 years is nasty, then so be it.
I’m not a nasty person, and I will always consider the feelings of others. If I wanted to be nasty, I could have told them all what I thought of them yesterday. That’s not who I am.

I don’t find it hard to make friends. I never wanted these women as my friends. I just don’t feel I deserved to be isolated at School events. To be cut out of conversations, and have them turn their back on me felt unpleasant.

Can I be there when OP, a now former parent, calls up in September and tells them the other mummy’s wouldn’t be her friend. You’ll hear in Australia tgem piss themselves laughing

When I was at primary school (somewhere around the mediaeval period) mothers never collected kids from school. We all had to walk home. I remember walking home in the snow, age about 6!

I have a similar vibe from a group of mums who are very clique because they live on the same street. They do lots of things together, even go on holiday together and share childcare. They are very lucky but they do make it difficult for the rest of us to have any conversation with them, which is a shame as my dd also likes playing with their kids so it would be nice to have a chat at times. But I just feel excluded and invisible to this group when I’ve tried to converse that I no longer bother. I’ve also noticed them look away when I look over. I try not to let it bother me but it’s still very obvious to me. But hey ho, there’s more important things in life. It’s their loss, move on & focus on the more friendly genuine mums instead. Hope secondary school mums are a better experience.

clique or not it’s rude to turn your back and it takes nothing to say ‘hello, how are you’. They’re likely insecure and cope with it by excluding others. Good riddance.

Come secondary school the kids branch out and make their own friends. Some probably don’t like each other anyway… I’ve seen it happen quite a lot as they find people they like themselves.

I think OP it might be worth letting the school know, as it must rub off on the children (could be worse, if you are the child of a murderer I suppose) and the school should be aware of the challenges it could bring in teaching.

God, no, don’t do this! 😂

Already experienced this at mother and baby groups and the my sons nursery he’s only 18 months and a lifetime to go of this crap

Oh god this reminds me of when my two were at quite possibly the worst school, ever but in a upper middle class area.
Lots of mums nights out where they would get utterly shitfaced despite the so called respectability the rest of the time.
But they were often so rude to me and as a result, DD especially missed out on things.
I asked one of the other mums who kind of was OK with this group what their issue was as I was so worried I had inadvertently said or done something.
"No, they just don't speak to anyone who rents, isn't married, or doesnt speak posh enough "

I was just so pissed off about it, bunch of bloody snobs. I started putting my iPod on every drop off and pick up

Then, one of the lead snobs found out I did DJing children's parties. Then she was all "oh hello, darling, I simply must have you come and play at (insert child's name) party, for free yah?"

I took my headphone out, said, no, not a chance, put it back in and walked off. Her face was brilliant.

I could have been one of the rude Mums you describe / dislike. However, I was attending with genuine friends (other childrens parents) that I have spent talking to in & out of school over the last 7 years so it would have been odder for me to not speak to them & talk to someone I barely know instead (like you OP.)

When you go to a party you gravitate towards people you know rather than strangers and that tends to happen at the school gates. If you didn't get to know people over the last 7years OP then why would you expect them to chat to you over their friends on the last day? It's your perogative not to get to know people of course but a bit petty to act like its bitchy behaviour when it's simply people who know each other talking at an event together rather than a conspiracy to exclude people!

God this is so familiar even though youngest is 19. It brings it all back. Just rude. No party invites etc. I thought ours was the phantom black husband issue. Recently I found out for twenty years they thought he was a drug dealer in our very smart market town! Bastards. We are moving, they are a nasty bunch of racist gits. Hold your head high OP, you are worth more.

It’s horrible to be treated so shabbily. I used to have a similar problem when my son was at a catholic school and I was the only one without a high paid job and they were all the same it was the same talk about evenings with parties, Prosecco and shopping I didn’t fit in as I was doing a sixty hour week running myself ragged doing a whole bunch of volunteer jobs and I gasp horror I attended the spiritual church so they treated me like a freak. I wasn’t interested in being in their gang and am very happy with my own company but it did bother me. There was only one mum who was nice the rest were horrible. Most of them were Looking down at people and always slagging some poor soul off it was like being amongst a nest of vipers and I am like you I am always quite happy to be nice and kind and talk to everyone but remember it’s their loss and I hope you meet nicer people in the future.

Well did you not speak out? They get away with it because no one has put them in their place.

"No, they just don't speak to anyone who rents, isn't married, or doesnt speak posh enough "

Surely you can see this is a facetious comment from her?! Or an attempt at a joke? You didn’t actually believe this?!

I agree @Baggyeye

I’m very much a drop and run mum but my best friend from before I had children has a DD in the year below my DD. I don’t often see her on the school run because our kids are in different after school clubs, but because life is so busy and hectic often it’s the only time I get to ‘socialise’ with her. And by socialise I mean 5 minute catch up.

She was the only person outside my family who knew when my DD (5 at the time) had made a disclosure about a non family member, and that the police did bugger all but children’s services were being absolute overbearing bell ends and looking within the family for an alternative perpetrator. I knew about when she was in the throes of leaving her abusive husband and going through hell in their custody battle.

So yes we have often chatted in a corner just to ourselves because we are friends are our friendship pre-dates the school gates. I don’t give a shit if other people don’t like it. I barely notice other mums and I’d think it were completely pathetic if anyone looked over and secretly sulked because they couldn’t join in. And I refuse to make inane small talk in the same way I wouldn’t make small talk at the us stop. I’m not obliged to make friends and I’m not obliged to leap out at every other female and say “hello” when my friend and I are giving updates to one another.

Whatsmore, no one gives a shit if you’ve decided to suddenly ‘stop bothering’ with other mums or put your headphones in, only you are part of that little crusade and I doubt anyone has even noticed let alone cared! If you are looking for friendship at the school gates, you’re looking in the wrong place

What would one say?

”Hey you, bitches - I know I’ve never made any real effort to talk to you but you mean girls haven’t been psychic and realised I wanna be part of your gang. How fucking dare you. This is me putting you in your place.”

At least you were on the WhatsApp group and included that way - I’ve never been invited to/added to our class one. I know there is one because I got added to one to do fundraising for the teachers during covid and a comment was made about it not being on the usual group so they could hit up ask more people for money. I remember feeling really hurt that I wasn’t considered good enough for the normal chat group, and it wasn’t because they didn’t have my number.

So they didn’t completely exclude you like some do!

Completely agree with you though. Sone of the school mums don’t consider how they affect others. It doesn’t hurt to include the other mums in a bit of conversation, does it?

My daughter left primary school last summer and like you I deleted that WhatsApp group the second I got in the front door!

I have never met such odd women! Summary of why I felt like this:

• They were absolutely drama queens!!


• Thier child was always super special in some way in ways my child could never be (think neurodiverse but never diagnosed because their child was normal/spoilt)


• The - ‘oh I’d love to be able to work but I couldn’t imagine not collecting little jimmy from school every day’ - great for you Pam but what about a career so you have something more to talk about than your boring AF husband.


• The play date/kids birthday politics


• The ‘scandal’ when the school could literally do nothing right (think- the benign texts about mash instead of jacket potatoes for school dinners)


• The ‘mums nights’ (read nights out where they would fish for compliments and compete about how hard they had it) which I hated but had to attend every now and then or my DD would be off the birthday party list


• The horror if my child won any award, sports day event when their child didn't


• The judgment for using childcare ‘I couldn’t sent jimmy to childcare because he is too sensitive/doesn’t eat any form of food found in a supermarket/would miss me/I had children to actually raise them 🙄

DD is now in secondary - going in to year 8 and so far I have met one mum at a drop off party and we both couldn’t wait to part ways at the front door - bliss 🍷

Dont sweat it OP @Cherrysherbet

They were horrid and rude and if their children were treated like you were they’d be complaining ! You are well rid of these nasty types.
it costs nothing to smile and say hi to someone …
kindness kindness kindness !

I’ve experienced the exact same thing. It’s horrible to be made to feel like that but I’ve got another 4 years of this!! Part of me is relived I’m not involved in all the bull shit of my kid is amazing etc but at the same time it’s not a nice feeling to be left out all the time. I didn’t even know there was a mums whatsapp group 🤦‍♀️ I find people are nice enough when they want something!!

We moved schools 2 years ago, best move we ever made for our son with a bonus for me that I don't have to deal with the pompous, over inflated air head yummy mummy brigade anymore! The mums at the new school have been soooooo welcoming it's brilliant!