Happy I won’t see these Mum’s again

[Cherrysherbet]

My DD left primary today.

The Mum’s from her class are so far up their own arses. I’m quite clearly not their kind of person.

I have been in multiple situations where they will literally turn their back on me to cut me out of a conversation.

I am friendly to everyone, and don’t have this sort of problem in any other part of my life.

They don’t say rude things to me, but their body language makes it clear that I’m not worth including in conversations.

Why do grown women behave like this?

I’ve hated going there the last couple of years. I really hate the fact that it has bothered me so much. I’m 48 ffs!

Even today at the leavers assembly, they asked me to move seats, and when I moved up, the woman turned her back, so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone! I have never been that close to saying something! I moved right over the other side of the room. Sick of being treated like that.

I am so happy that I’m not tied to having to go there now.
I came home and deleted myself from the class what’s app straight away! Yessss!!

AIBU to ask all primary school Mum’s who are going back in September to be thoughtful about how their actions make others feel?

We teach our kids to be kind and include others, so why do we often get this kind of mentality with the Mum’s? I’ve seen lots of similar post on here before, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced it.

I wonder whether OP, correct me if I'm wrong, that you feel different to the school mums at the school gate? I only ask because I feel I don't fit in - only one year to go for me- because I am twice the age of a lot of the school mums at my son's school and also the demographic is very different from me / our family. Essentially we chose the wrong school for our son and are living with the consequences until a space comes up somewhere else. So me feeling awkward at the school gates has for a long time not being about wanting to be friends wirh the mums - because we are so different and only a few have been friendly - but more that I feel very different from the parents and therefore it is an awkward experience for me if that makes sense. In another school where I felt more at home I wouldn't give a monkey's behind if I didn't have any mum friends.... if that makes sense.

Haha. I've one left 😂

No, you have missed my point entirely.

It’a misogynistic to expect women to be friendly and open with every other female who crosses their path and if they’re not they’re labelled a mean girl/bitchy/in a clique.

Ask yourself, do men bother with this shit?

Also, why does anyone have to be ‘welcoming’? It’s not any one mum’s playground, no one mum is the host. Who’s job is it to be welcoming?

BoilingHotWoman you have explained my situation better than I could myself (except my husband and I are probably not as hot as you and we don't have twins!). It is hell.

I had this with the mums in my DDs class but my DSs class 2 years later were all lovely and I made lots of friends. Luck of the draw I guess! I hardly met any mums when my kids were in secondary school thankfully.

Excluding children in school is NOT the same as adults simply doing pick-up not talking to one another in the playground. School is supposed to be there to help form friendships. School run is 100% to drop or collect your child from school.

My eldest DS finished primary school today. Dropped him off for his leavers disco and that's when I hear that the majority of parents are off to the pub. Turns out only 5 parents didn't get told about it as the child whose parents arranged it doesn't like our children. I felt about 1cm tall having to listen to it all and then watch them stroll back all In a big group, when we went to pick them up. Worst things is, my youngest DS is friends with the arrangers youngest DS! Parents were smug as shit, strutting around like god's gift. Hate playground politics and hate they way humans treat each other!

What’s wrong with going for a run together

I'm sorry to read this. My DD's class mums are lovely and were so welcoming to us when she joined from another school in year 2. I don't understand why people feel the need to be bitchy.

Oh my god, this is just so embarrassing. You do know why people laughed at Samantha Brick don’t you?!

I had the unfortunate circumstances of being a tall attractive woman with a ‘posh’ accent in a deprived area, (no my name is not Samantha), a very handsome husband (yes, one small example was a school mum saying loudly she wouldn’t mind a bit of him as she walked past us), twins (which some of them were obviously jealous of), my DC all being gorgeous, immaculately turned out and doing well at school if I say so myself.

I simply can’t imagine why you didn’t make any friends 🤣🤣🤣

iknowwhatyoudid

I am sure something similar happened to me today too so i will show some solidarity & empathy

parents of clique who are all lifelong friends out of school all had a house party and queen bee mum who has now binned off all the kids she so desperately wanted to be her childs friends from year1 and has now decided to upgrade herself to a different set of parents who she believes will be more strategic for her in high school.

I think people are missing some of the OP point generally when these types of cliques or power parents are not welcoming to other mums they tend to often extend that to the children. I dont care if i am or am not a friend of whichever school mum but it has p*ssed me off to see my eldest DC miss out on so many close friendships because clique or queen bee type parents control their kids friendships.

BoilingHotWoman is saying she felt posher than the other mums and it made things awkward. I can relate as I have the same situation. It is awkward. Especially if you are also different in other ways. People feel easily threatened these days and not very open. That's why it is awkward and then you end up not trying because it feels too painful to keep trying!! But not trying is also awkward.

If you're seeing someone twice a day for seven years they aren't strangers in a queue. Polite conversation is just basic manners if you're stuck someone with an acquaintance. Even if you disagree, there's a difference between not befriending someone who's made the effort to be friendly to you and physically excluding them again and again and again.

I know my son feels posher than his friends at school and also feels awkward. The sooner I can move him to a different school the better it will be.

It is pretty bad because it's not as if you can really do friend-type business, when you are there, as the wait isn't long enough and you can't relax at a table with a coffee, or show your friend the fabric swatches you picked up, or have an intimate and private one-on-one chat. The school gate offers the perfect opportunity to be inclusive and polite and to extend the school ethos beyond the gates.p

The context is more akin to work and being in the cafeteria or after church, or cutting the grass in the front garden, with other neighbours in their gardens doing the same. It's a general 'on your best behaviour' context, where the done thing is to smile and make small talk. You'd never say 'hello' to one neighbour, but not to the other, when you are particularly friendly or keen on one, rather than the other. At the school gates, you can't get into anything deep, with loads of people around, in any case, so why not just be your extra-nice self .

Let's not pretend that ignoring and turning your back on someone isn't to stop them getting too close and infiltrating. Surely for fifteen minutes you can be friendly and inclusive to everyone - after all your presence is almost, practically, a role in the school community. Don't preach to your kids about community and the school family, if you're trying to preserve the purity of your group and to stop it being tainted by chest to somebody not quite your type.
I guess, OP, some of this behaviour, with some people, is because said mums don't want their kid playing with a kid whose mum has not been vetted. What would happen if their kid wanted a play date with yours? Would they suddenly change their tune and notice the mum?

The benefits of having special needs children, eh, when you can collect them early or wait just outside the classroom door and avoid all that pettiness.

Perhaps you missed the rest of what she posted 🥴

I’m definitely posher than the other mums but I didn’t realise I had to think it was some sort of achievement or something to be embarrassed about

I’m five foot two and despite best efforts one of my kids permanently looks like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. Now wondering if I’d be better off home schooling.

But do you have a sexy husband @MiddleParking 😂😂

We all know those folk who are “people just don’t like me because they’re soooooo jealous of me”. This person is never as attractive or jealous worthy as they think. They’re disliked because they a knobhead.

It's clear from this thread which people are the mean girls!

OP

Agreed about the mean girls!

Anyone slightly different to the norm and the mean girls can't cope

Enjoy your freedom OP!! You've run your race.

He’s alright looking but has only ever managed to impregnate me with one child at a time, which is obviously quite socially limiting for me

Yes we should all be super duper nice all the time even when people are being completely ridiculous and talking out their arses. Very unladylike to do otherwise. And there’s nothing worse than a woman being unladylike

Poor you. Must be so hard to be such a social pariah.