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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Happy I won’t see these Mum’s again

277 replies

Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:15

My DD left primary today.

The Mum’s from her class are so far up their own arses. I’m quite clearly not their kind of person.

I have been in multiple situations where they will literally turn their back on me to cut me out of a conversation.

I am friendly to everyone, and don’t have this sort of problem in any other part of my life.

They don’t say rude things to me, but their body language makes it clear that I’m not worth including in conversations.

Why do grown women behave like this?

I’ve hated going there the last couple of years. I really hate the fact that it has bothered me so much. I’m 48 ffs!

Even today at the leavers assembly, they asked me to move seats, and when I moved up, the woman turned her back, so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone! I have never been that close to saying something! I moved right over the other side of the room. Sick of being treated like that.

I am so happy that I’m not tied to having to go there now.
I came home and deleted myself from the class what’s app straight away! Yessss!!

AIBU to ask all primary school Mum’s who are going back in September to be thoughtful about how their actions make others feel?

We teach our kids to be kind and include others, so why do we often get this kind of mentality with the Mum’s? I’ve seen lots of similar post on here before, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced it.

OP posts:
Threetulips · 21/07/2022 17:19

Phew! Just be glad it’s over and you don’t have to attend these crap events.

To answer your question … these cliques are oblivious to how they make others feel, they have ‘their’ gang and do anything to cling on to it.

See it happen an awful lot in the playground!

I for one skipped out of primary glad to never see them again.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 21/07/2022 17:20

Aw that’s rotten. Some people are just really bad-mannered.

Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:23

Threetulips thank you. It’s a very common thing, I know. Not nice to be on the receiving end!
You couldn’t see me for dust as I drove off today 😁

OP posts:
doingitforyorkshire · 21/07/2022 17:23

My two ended up in two different primary schools, I could agree with you in relation to one of them but not the other. In one they were exactly how you describe, the polar opposite in the other it was really odd.
Mind the parents in the one I wasn't keen on were from lines of work very different to mine and with very different interests, the other one the parents were from similar lines of work with similar interests. So I suppose it's just pot luck really.

luxxlisbon · 21/07/2022 17:25

I never really understand why it’s rude to not make friends with someone though. When people wait in line at the post office it isn’t expected to include everyone in filler conversation.
At pick up the last thing I want to do after a stressful day and a rush to get there is make chat with people I don’t know. I might talk to people I do know but I’m not there to make friends. Seems weird that people would take that as rude.
I think so many people have weird expectations over the school run.

Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:27

Mistlewoeandwhine
I just don’t understand the rudeness. I would never treat someone like that.
I always like to include everyone.

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 21/07/2022 17:27

I’ve always been a ‘drop and run’ parent so have never had the time to be able to observe whether someone was trying to treat me badly or not tbh.

EV117 · 21/07/2022 17:29

How many of them are there? Turning their backs on purpose is of course rude. But it sounds like that particular group are good friends, just because they have children in the same class as you doesn’t oblige them to make conversation with you. I’m close to a only few mums in my DS’s class. If I see them we obviously make easy conversation. The other parents I don’t know that well and I wouldn’t just try and randomly join them if a group of them were in the middle of a chat.

cookiecreammpie · 21/07/2022 17:31

I feel your pain. There are a group of about 6 mums that have made it very clear they disliked before before even getting to know me. They won't give me the time of day. I'm shy and hate small talk anyway so I struggled with this at first. It felt a bit like they were trying to intimidate me into feeling uncomfortable at the school gates. I've still got a few years left of this but now I'm not arsed. I've got 4 kids to focus on, f they want to act like school girls that's up to them.

dontdrinkanddriveok · 21/07/2022 17:32

cookiecreammpie · 21/07/2022 17:31

I feel your pain. There are a group of about 6 mums that have made it very clear they disliked before before even getting to know me. They won't give me the time of day. I'm shy and hate small talk anyway so I struggled with this at first. It felt a bit like they were trying to intimidate me into feeling uncomfortable at the school gates. I've still got a few years left of this but now I'm not arsed. I've got 4 kids to focus on, f they want to act like school girls that's up to them.

Yes! I became a drop and run mum as I just couldn't bear it.

I am so thrilled to be out of it all now Grin

Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:33

luxxlisbon
I think so many people have weird expectations over the school run.

This is more to do with School events. Occasions where all parents are there chatting. I think ignoring someone is rude.

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 21/07/2022 17:34

Celebrate that it's over and don't dwell on it for a moment longer.

RosiePosie27 · 21/07/2022 17:34

Honestly, some people are just awful aren’t they! Glad you can see the back of them now 🎉

Yorkshirepuddingwithsyrupnotgravy · 21/07/2022 17:39

I did a FT commute and DH mostly did the school runs as his office was 250 yds from DCs school gate, which caused raised eyebrows (and grilling of me by the mums at the school gate when I did manage to get there in time!) Class mum's social stuff was always arranged for lunchtimes, and my invitation always felt like an afterthought - except if the PTA wanted help with helping at fundraisers! I was very, very glad to celebrate DCs final day at primary!
Totally different vibe at secondary and 6th form.

EV117 · 21/07/2022 17:40

There are a group of about 6 mums that have made it very clear they disliked before before even getting to know me. They won't give me the time of day. I'm shy and hate small talk anyway so I struggled with this at first. It felt a bit like they were trying to intimidate me into feeling uncomfortable at the school gates.

But that’s just a small group - there must be loads of people stood at the gate. Why do these people in particular matter? If you don’t like small talk just stand and wait, what’s wrong with that? Surely you’re not the only one?

EL8888 · 21/07/2022 17:40

I knew from the title exactly what the situation would be! Bitchy little mean girls. Its obvious what they were like at school! I can see why you’re relieved primary school is over

Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:42

EV117

just because they have children in the same class as you doesn’t oblige them to make conversation with you.

You’re right. It doesn’t feel very good though. I’ve had to mix with these women for 7 yrs. They are not good friends with each other, they mainly just trip over themselves trying to impress each other. So glad to be done with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:43

HollyBollyBooBoo

I will, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:44

RosiePosie27

thank you, me too

OP posts:
Dacquoise · 21/07/2022 17:46

It's group dynamics. Some people form groups but remain open to meeting and including non members. They are generally friendly.

Some form groups and it's a closed shop to others that are seen as 'other'. They can be a bit chilly to outsiders. I have heard someone say that they have their friends and don't need any more. Perhaps there's a security in being that kind of group. 🤔

Personally I found that groups disappate when children head off to senior school as there isn't a need to congregate in the playground.

sweetgingercat · 21/07/2022 17:46

this reminds me of the clique of mums (and their daughters) in my son’s class who most of the other mums dreaded. I bumped into one of them unexpectedly on the first day of year 3 and she still couldn’t say hello to me. Looking back, it’s obvious they were socially awkward and insecure and the only way they could cope was by drawing their friends close and turning everyone else into enemies. They’ll have messed up their children in the process, sadly. We’ll done for getting through it!

devildeepbluesea · 21/07/2022 17:47

I had a couple of mums try to give me the silent treatment. I made a massive point of being OTT friendly towards them when I saw them : beaming smile and “MORNING!”.

They were completely nonplussed and had to respond politely or look like absolute bitches to everyone else. Weirdly they eventually seemed to like me - perhaps because I seemed to like them so much. It always made me giggle to see their faces as i friendly-ambushed them 😂

Original poster
Cherrysherbet · 21/07/2022 17:48

EL8888

I knew from the title exactly what the situation would be! Bitchy little mean girls.

When you know, you know! Thank you

OP posts:
PuckeredArseFace · 21/07/2022 17:50

And we tell children to play nicely!
TBH I wouldn't have moved seats to accommodate them
They should be ashamed and embarrassed about their behaviour

Moofart · 21/07/2022 17:51

There is a similar group in my eldests year and I find it so difficult to deal with. My heart races with anxiety before and during each school run. I will never ever understand how people can be ok with turning their back on others like that. Fuck them Op. I'm glad you never have to see them again. It's a reflection of themselves, not you.