Happy I won’t see these Mum’s again

[Cherrysherbet]

My DD left primary today.

The Mum’s from her class are so far up their own arses. I’m quite clearly not their kind of person.

I have been in multiple situations where they will literally turn their back on me to cut me out of a conversation.

I am friendly to everyone, and don’t have this sort of problem in any other part of my life.

They don’t say rude things to me, but their body language makes it clear that I’m not worth including in conversations.

Why do grown women behave like this?

I’ve hated going there the last couple of years. I really hate the fact that it has bothered me so much. I’m 48 ffs!

Even today at the leavers assembly, they asked me to move seats, and when I moved up, the woman turned her back, so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone! I have never been that close to saying something! I moved right over the other side of the room. Sick of being treated like that.

I am so happy that I’m not tied to having to go there now.
I came home and deleted myself from the class what’s app straight away! Yessss!!

AIBU to ask all primary school Mum’s who are going back in September to be thoughtful about how their actions make others feel?

We teach our kids to be kind and include others, so why do we often get this kind of mentality with the Mum’s? I’ve seen lots of similar post on here before, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced it.

Why do grown women behave like this?

I have wondered the same thing, but come to the conclusion that with some people it’s a case of once an arsehole, always an arsehole. At least you don’t have to see them again.

I had this with oldest dc, I was so glad when they left primary.
In comparison the parents from youngest dc’s class are great, no sign whatsoever of a clique and everyone is friendly. Guess it’s down to luck.

It all goes wrong when there is a queen bee clique. The ‘popular’ (and I use that term loosely) mum has her hangers on who think they are superior for some reason. Have see it many times during my many years at stop and pick up. Just be your own person and don’t look to be included with them, it’s exhausting. Having parents of your child’s class as friends can often cause problems. It’s better to not be part of the crowd IMO.

But in the example OP gave, the woman just turned around to speak to her friend.

Maybe OP should try making conversation first?

Never saw this at either of my children’s primary schools. One was in the South and the other after relocation was in the Midlands.

Did you actually speak to them at all? Even once?

I always find this kind of post odd. In 7 years at primary school I never experienced anything like this. Some people talk some people don't. If a vinversation was started it was continued. Some congregated with their friends- sometimes I did domestics I didn't. My twin DS and DD were in separate classes though so that might have had something to do with it. And the only reason the PTA could be said to be a clichecwas because they did all the work!!

When my daughter was at primary school, I had these sorts of shitbag mums at the gates. Awful and I've never spoken to them since. When it was my oldest son, they were all lovely. I honestly think it takes someone with queen bee mentality to get all the desperate hangers on to come back to life and flock to them. I never had that and never will, so I didn't fit at all with the cohort in my daughter's year

But how have they been rude? OP says the woman sat down and turned her back and talked to someone else. That’s not rude, why was it up to this woman to make the effort with OP?

sorry, but this is rude. Same thing happened to me recently. Was at a concert at school on my own. Sat next to a mum and got into conversation where she established I was a new mum but that we also worked in the same niche field, so undoubtedly had some common colleagues. Another mum came and sat down next to her whereupon she turned round and took up conversation with the other mum.didn’t introduce me to the other mum, Didn’t speak to me the rest of the evening which included an interval and drinks. I think that’s at best unfriendly and unwelcoming.

DD2 is relieved to go. She's going to an out of catchment school and her ongoing bully is not.

I will not miss that mother. Had the f-ing cheek to report my daughter as bullying her little darling (who was on the 4th cycle of love-bomb, ignore, let DD2 befriend someone else, wade into that friendship and split it up accusing DD2 of disloyalty, before love-bombing again - this was Y4 FFS) and gave me the smuggest McSmuggy look walking out of school. I went round the corner and asked the class teacher what Mrs McSmuggy had said. The teacher was rather taken aback that I knew she'd been spoken to, so I told her of the smirk.

Poor NQT. I suggested that she go and pass this kind of crap onto whoever her supervisor was, but not to bother me with patently false accusations.

Mrs McSmuggy sat right behind me in the leavers assembly this week. The weird flap thing in the back of my dress was hanging out. I hope that gave her adequate sneer value to end our relationship on.

YADNBU to be happy to leave some people behind.

Cherrysherbet Stuff them, they are not worthy of a single more second of your headspace. You will always know you are better than them🌸🏵🌺

They don’t need to be friends with everyone but just one hello or smile cost nothing.
even my child is at same school from nursery, when the parents children studied from same nursery staring at me I stared at them back.
for the people say hello or greet I greet them back.
I am relived as my child start secondary we don’t need to stand at school gate and look at their backs.

I feel for you. I had a very similar experience to you, but thankfully my years as a primary school mum are behind me now.

I would be having a chat with one of the less intimidating mums in the playground. Another mum would arrive, stand between us, turn her back on me, interrupt our conversation and start her own one up with the mum I was talking to.

It's not uncommon, but unfortunately until you've been 'through the 7 years' you initially have no idea what you are entering yourself into.

I think it's a sign of the times unfortunately - dog eat dog and fuck you.

My own rule was, ignore me twice (once might have been a genuine mistake), then that was it. No coming back from it. Ever. Whatever the circumstances.

From my observations people definitely can't hack it when the tables are then turned on them.

II don't agree that t's like the queue at the supermarket, you see this people for many years. Its more like seing people in work, the ones who aren't in your team but you still make small talk at the canteen. It's good manners.
I agree with someone above it reflects that the only power those women must have in their lives, bitching and excluding others.
I recommend watching Motherland in Netflix. That lady Amanda is spot on. Its the way it is in the school gates. There is always an Amanda hahaha. I wonder what they do when the kids are older and the school gate is gone.

It's like being in the playground sometimes, isn't it! Except as a grown up we can flip them off without fear of getting in trouble 😂

I just found out this week that there is a class WhatsApp group, my son is in juniors! Turns out I am the only mum not in the group out of 25 - was added in for an end of year thing for the teacher. Now that is enough to give you a complex!

Happened to me when I lived in the South, but not now I live in the North. I am a southerner so god alone knows why

She actually said before that that they turn around to close her off. Then she gave that example

Exactly spanishmumireland ,we see them seven years . If it’s from nursery 9 years. Once my child started to walk on her own, I was relieved no need to see their backs.
I feel relieved waiting outside of school rather than inside staring each other.

Are you me? 😄😄😄

Feel so sorry for my eldest DC they just landed on a class full of cliques (large group of family friends who refused to let their kids socialise with the other and where obnoxious ) and a queen bee mum who quickly decided me and eldest DC were not good enough for her clique. My poor child has never had a best friend in primary and always been on the edge of friendship groups. Its really impacted their confidence

Plus they also had a number of bullying issues in yr6 with children from the other class.

SO happy to be saying goodbye to all that as eldest is going to a totally different school.

We had the leavers assembly today complete waste of time- 1 hour consisted of 40 minutes wasted gifting each individual child a year book then a very insincere chat from the head.

Followed by " I could think of an award for all 65 children but I wont so here is 3 of my favourite children I am going to give awards to including the daughter of the HOG at the school who got the award for her gymnastics work all of which occurs outside of the bloody school.

No songs no referencing individual children if I had known would have not bothered load of crap. And the children deserved so much more.

That said other DC have had lovely class and mainly lovely parents so sometimes its just a matter of bad luck. But some schools just breed the type of attitude.

Last day of primary for me too OP! I think a lot of people are just socially inept. That's my conclusion of the weird adult behaviour I too have encountered at school. Don't dwell on it. Let's celebrate the fact you are now free of it!

So long then school gate mums and dads. I will miss you, not a jot, you miserable clots.

Some of the answers here are shocking. I wonder if they would say the same if this was happening to their daughter or son. No wonder we have kids with low mood and depression (not causative or only answer but wouldn't help). No wonder we have an epidemic of loneliness
Am sorry op. Am embarking on the primary school mum this September. Raising my kids here has been a lonely experience but the primary school group has cliques but some open pockets. I made made a few linkages I hope will become friends. Its hard.

I wish you and DD an amazing life from now on

Sorry for delay in replying. I’ve been out for dinner with my dd to celebrate the end of primary (slightly different reasons for each of us 😁)

Thank you so much for all your replies. I didn’t expect so many, but clearly this resonates with many of you.

To answer a few questions…..

As I mentioned, I’m 48, but these women are not a lot younger than me. A few the same age and some a little younger. It’s definitely not an age thing.

I definitely don’t think anyone owes me friendship ( neither do I want that from these women, I have my own friends). I do however, expect to be treated with respect in an environment that we take our children to be educated and nurtured.

The reason I moved seats was to make a point. Many times before when this has happened, I just sat there and looked like a complete lemon, as it was obvious to everyone else that these women were cutting me off with their body language. Today I sat there for a while, then because it was the last day, thought ‘sod this’ and got up and went and sat on my own.

Yes, it did feel really good to delete them from what’s app! Now I don’t have to read all the posts about how they’ve all been sobbing, and how they will miss everyone so much.

There was one out and out psychopath of a mum in my eldest’s year, middle most of us were drop and runs, youngest had a mum clique like you describe, OP, but they were such a small (if vocal) minority, the rest of us could give them a very wide berth. That group would ignore any mum they though was beneath them. Some other mums cared and either got upset or tried to infiltrate, the rest of us didn’t give too hoots. If it’s just a small clique, don’t take it to heart too much.

I don't think it's necessarily rude, they probably just notice their mates and don't really think about what anyone else is doing. No-one owes you their time, attention or friendship. You cleatly don't like them, OP, so whyshould they like you?