Happy I won’t see these Mum’s again

[Cherrysherbet]

My DD left primary today.

The Mum’s from her class are so far up their own arses. I’m quite clearly not their kind of person.

I have been in multiple situations where they will literally turn their back on me to cut me out of a conversation.

I am friendly to everyone, and don’t have this sort of problem in any other part of my life.

They don’t say rude things to me, but their body language makes it clear that I’m not worth including in conversations.

Why do grown women behave like this?

I’ve hated going there the last couple of years. I really hate the fact that it has bothered me so much. I’m 48 ffs!

Even today at the leavers assembly, they asked me to move seats, and when I moved up, the woman turned her back, so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone! I have never been that close to saying something! I moved right over the other side of the room. Sick of being treated like that.

I am so happy that I’m not tied to having to go there now.
I came home and deleted myself from the class what’s app straight away! Yessss!!

AIBU to ask all primary school Mum’s who are going back in September to be thoughtful about how their actions make others feel?

We teach our kids to be kind and include others, so why do we often get this kind of mentality with the Mum’s? I’ve seen lots of similar post on here before, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced it.

When reading your post it sure does clarify why some kids are hateful…learnt behaviour…sorry you went through this….at least you know you are better then they are.

I remember walking to school on the last day sighing with relief and mentally thinking "I never need to speak to you again, or you, or you." It was lovely.

It's not that you expect to be bosom friends with people, it's more that when you are all standing around waiting for your kids at the end of the day it's not really a huge effort to make a bit of small talk, is it? I once asked to someone if they had seen some film or other and she looked at me like I'd told her I'd just eaten her firstborn. I was passing the time, not asking to move in with her! So glad that is all behind me. Enjoy it, OP.

Yep I had this as well, like some “ mean girls” American movie, but updated for middle aged mums. Excluding, social status maintaining bunch. So relieved when DS1 moved on to secondary.

I was desperate to be a part of it. I was invited to something one night but because I didn’t return the favour quickly enough and because I didn’t break lockdown rules I was discarded. To be honest? I was gutted.

I’m really sorry but I can’t understand grown women feeling like this. It’s high school emotions - wanting to be one of the ‘popular’ girls. I know I used to feel like that when I was 15 - but not now in my 30s…
How long is everyone standing by the gate? I’m there for two minutes maybe, even when I see mums I know and I make conversation it’s not very long. I spend substantially more time with them in other locations. How does this tiny portion of the day take up so much head space?

OP, not all teach their kids to be kind and inclusive. They teach kids too to behave like them as much. It's all survival of the fittest. We don't fit in the group that are not like us.accept and move on.

Perhaps that NDN has made that person's live a misery - I have been and still am on the receiving end after 4 years of non stop crap from my NDN. Unfortunately our children attend the same school, so I don't have a respite

I don't however speak about the NDN on every school run as I generally have other issues to be worrying about or other fun things to be chatting to people about.

OP i am the same my DD is coming into year 6 and September and apart from about 5 mums in her class, I cant wait to see the back of them. Overbearing rude busy bees, like to make it known they are in the PTA and make sure their children repeatedly let everyone know they know what's going on because their mum is on the PTA.

My DS class however completely different made a nice group of friends and our children get on. Surprisingly really when they all started in lockdown

There was a little posse like this at my DSs school. One literally put her hand up to my face to stop me speaking to her friend 😅and just butted me right out of the conversation.
All very up their own arses and desperate to get their kids into the type of university that they never achieved (but DH and I did!).
When they found out what DH does for a living and who my best friend is, they became lot friendlier but they can bugger right off.

I don’t expect all the parents to be my friends, I probably wouldn’t want most of them to be my friends even if they’re perfectly pleasant. It doesn’t upset me if someone doesn’t want to make small talk with me. Equally I don’t go around trying to chat to everyone. I’m not having a go at op, just saying it’s probably not personal, no one is obliged to socialise with everyone on the school run or at the school play and many choose not to just because they have other priorities, not because they don’t like you.

I'm always quite surprised at these school mum horror stories. My DS's class has some very nice mums and dads, friendly and chatty but not intrusive. Nobody trying to be best friends but nobody being an arse either. DD's class parents are mostly the drop and run types, but again, all friendly in passing. This seems to be the same story with literally all my friends (with DC at different schools in different parts of the country).
Sorry you've had a hard time with them, sounds super annoying.

We moved to our little market town when my son was in year 1. The queen bees singled me out, found quickly that I wasn’t “one of them”, my son wasn’t right for them, (didn’t like football, was “different”-later diagnosed with asd) and made sure we were excluded from everything. I tried to join pta, soon found myself frozen out. I had until I had my youngest without mum friends, so completely had they frozen me out.

It's not that surprising that everyone with a school aged child isn't the same /nice is it?

Wow that’s rubbish. You’re well shot of them.

My sister had a similar experience with the primary mums. I was lucky and made a group of great friends who will be friends for life.

Not everyone else does.

My friends are like you but Im the social awkward introvert they found along their way and somehow put up with, they are the few of the many I have met in my life that has stuck by putting up with my foibles.

I keep to myself because I have a brain injury and when I become overwhelmed I overcompensate and in my panic becoming very loud, fast talking and my filter for 'polite' to 'to much detail' switches off.

I'm also partially deaf so I stare at people while trying to lip read or body language read which then makes 'normal' people uncomfortable, I also have a delay which mean after you stop talking there a prolonged 'pregnant pause' time before my mouth responds to your question.

Im not there to make friends though thats my CHILDRENS world and friends and I dont want my awkwardness to make things harder for them so I keep to myself.

Only time I talk to people is if DH or MIL is with me because they are use to me and Im calm/unflustered around them, just because I talk to them in the line for the xmas play doesnt mean I want to 'chat' to strangers because its gonna get wierd.

We dont all have the capability to be 'normal' jolly social butterflies.

I'm with you
Drop and run is the way forward
I never usually do a school run it's usually my partner or the childminder but I can't stand it

Why would you even bother?

I just don't care enough.

Being welcoming and inclusive is now misogynistic...?

I've heard it all now! 😂

My DC is only going into year 3 but I'm already counting down until I can rid myself of the atrocious cunts that are the parents of her classmates.

Honestly if you come across in real life anything like you do in this post it’s no wonder they weren’t keen to be friends.

we have GOT to stop this misogynistic bullshit that we must be besties with one another and we must Be Kind because that’s what good well behaved women do.

Whilst I totally agree with the sentiment, that’s not what the op is talking about, there’s a middle ground between #bekind and being rude to others for no reason. You’re going to cross paths with these people for 7 or 8 years, there’s no reason to be deliberately rude or exclude people.

Totally agree that you can already be in a friend group but also make sure you are being inclusive to others, even just with a smile. It’s not nice to feel excluded and freaky. However their loss.

But how have they been rude? OP says the woman sat down and turned her back and talked to someone else. That’s not rude, why was it up to this woman to make the effort with OP?

IME this is a problem for a lot of us, me included.

IMO as adults and parents attending for school events a small wave or smile
to your besties in the room should be sufficient. You are not there to show how popular you are. You are there to support dc. You can catch up with your mates later. Clique it up if you like but know it makes you look bad mannered because it is bad mannered (selfish, thoughtless and immature) and it makes shy/new/having a bad day/any other people feel excluded, whether intentional or not. I don’t actually think it is usually intentional though.

Rubbish: That is how dc will feel if they are amongst a group with no bestie of their own, no one saving a seat for them, being picked last for a team, not getting the teachers star of the week ever, sitting on the bus without a partner on a trip etc and you are just demonstrating that’s it’s ok to blank someone for not being your bestie and let that sort of thing happen to adults BUT you’d be straight to The Head to complain that your dc was being bullied if their classmates behaved like that.

Why group you and exclude some ? - well maybe so they are not the one standing alone that’s why, they know that feels rubbish and are concentrating their efforts on not feeling that way.

Awful op very rude as you say. I was temping. My colleague was rude her back to me at the desk. The way the chairs were I was zoned out of the chat. Grown women are so petty!! No more school gates here thank god

I don’t think these people have to be your friends, they just need to act like adults. Some of them are like this as it’s the only power they have in their pathetic lives, whether you’re in their special club.

there was a mum at DDs primary who thought she was in charge. She had older children so she KNEW EVERYTHING. Was rude, trying to organise her daughters friendships, basically tried to make her popular. Guess which girl struggled to make friends in secondary.

I was looked down on for having a job and not living on the ‘estate’ and being told I was a ‘mug’ for working. Then was grilled about how I afforded a car - maybe my job, dur.

fuck knows what they have to do all day now they don’t have the school run to do. I love secondary and normal parents, not my friends, just normal people with children in common.

I have been in multiple situations where they will literally turn their back on me to cut me out of a conversation.

How is that not rude? Turning your back to someone to exclude them from the conversation is always rude.