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Original poster

DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

259 replies

Pending653 · 20/07/2022 13:38

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SpiderVersed · 21/07/2022 13:30

That sounds great, I'm so please for your children!

Trinity65 · 21/07/2022 13:31

I remember when I was about 7 or 8 and a regular customer in the Newsagent my Mum worked in at that time asked if I could be in an advert
Problem was I would not be paid (which wasn't the end of the World but nonetheless ,, Patsy Kensit was paid for ads!) but the biggest reason Mum said No was that I would have a Chaperone and Mum couldn't be with Me.
Looking back though at some things that went on back then (1970s) I think it was the correct choice she made.

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 21/07/2022 13:43

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the NM realises the production company aren’t interested in hanging around for her and her admin day 😂 😂

dogeatworld · 21/07/2022 13:49

Pending653 · 21/07/2022 12:43

I've had confirmation from tbe producer herself that my two have got the part and she's arranging our transport to the location🙂

Lovely ! Hope your DC love it. I'm sure it was hard but well done for pushing aside your people pleasing nature ( I am one too) in order to advocate for your DD. NM sounds like she was on a massive power trip.

Vikinga · 21/07/2022 14:17

Awesome. And both your kids are individuals so they both should have the chance. It was open to anyone to contact them so it was fair.

SuperCamp · 21/07/2022 14:31

Good, all sorted.

OP: you keep focussing on how you were trying to be nice asking if there could be a third child etc.

In future, don’t get that far. ALL you had to do was respond to the initial e mail, exactly as you did.

You didn’t need to then tell the MN you had done it, you didn’t need to take any notice of her view about who could apply, you didn’t need to start asking the producers about other kids and you certainly didn’t need to copy in NM or production team into each other’s e mails.

It’s great that you were quick off the mark and that the production team are happy with your kids.

But good lord…. Learn from this!

Trinity65 · 21/07/2022 14:33

SuperCamp · 21/07/2022 14:31

Good, all sorted.

OP: you keep focussing on how you were trying to be nice asking if there could be a third child etc.

In future, don’t get that far. ALL you had to do was respond to the initial e mail, exactly as you did.

You didn’t need to then tell the MN you had done it, you didn’t need to take any notice of her view about who could apply, you didn’t need to start asking the producers about other kids and you certainly didn’t need to copy in NM or production team into each other’s e mails.

It’s great that you were quick off the mark and that the production team are happy with your kids.

But good lord…. Learn from this!

I totally agree with all of this

Original poster
Pending653 · 21/07/2022 14:44

SuperCamp · 21/07/2022 14:31

Good, all sorted.

OP: you keep focussing on how you were trying to be nice asking if there could be a third child etc.

In future, don’t get that far. ALL you had to do was respond to the initial e mail, exactly as you did.

You didn’t need to then tell the MN you had done it, you didn’t need to take any notice of her view about who could apply, you didn’t need to start asking the producers about other kids and you certainly didn’t need to copy in NM or production team into each other’s e mails.

It’s great that you were quick off the mark and that the production team are happy with your kids.

But good lord…. Learn from this!

I agree completely. I plan to.

The people pleasing is a deeply entrenched habit that I need to break and ill do my best to as I'll be damned if my DC miss out on anything as a result of it.

Bollocks to the N.M and whatever she thinks about it. Id have loved to hear the producers POV when she saw the email about N.M saying she doesn't want my DD to do it.

OP posts:
AMindNeedsBooks · 21/07/2022 15:54

I wouldn't even mention to the NM it's been confirmed, let her find out herself on admin day!

dianthus101 · 21/07/2022 17:41

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 21/07/2022 13:43

Would love to be a fly on the wall when the NM realises the production company aren’t interested in hanging around for her and her admin day 😂 😂

Yes, it's hilarious that she thinks she's so important that not only will she be choosing the children but that the producers will fit around her schedule.

Original poster
Pending653 · 21/07/2022 18:24

She has sent me some photos of the kids at the end of term party, I just thanked her for the photos and didn't say anything else.

It'll be interesting when she gets in touch with them next week on admin day and they tell her it has all been finalised 😁

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 21/07/2022 18:31

Arranged transport for you! Bloody hell there's posh. Always had to schlep the kids to anything they've done. Have fun op, remember to ask when it will be shown.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 21/07/2022 19:40

I don’t understand why it would be nice for two families to do it. Why is it any nicer than 2 children in 1 family? Doesn’t make any sense.

Enjoy it @Pending653 and at least you now know that NM is nuts.

AMindNeedsBooks · 21/07/2022 21:21

@Pending653 sent you a PM.

Ishacoco · 21/07/2022 22:49

Oh do come back and report what she says!

WellThisIsShit · 22/07/2022 01:08

Yay! So glad it all worked all the way it should have done… I hate it when power hungry uppitty pushy people decide to squash your child/ren down.

You get a uch a horribly unfair feeling which brings back all those powerless people pleasing awkwardness argh - feelings from younger days!

My child is also a child actor so I’ve been laughing at the ‘admin day’ ridiculousness too!

mycatisannoying · 22/07/2022 06:40

I don't see why the nursery manager shouldn't have a say, given that it's her nursery they're using for filming!
She's just trying to be fair.

liveforsummer · 22/07/2022 06:50

@mycatisannoying it's not being filmed at the nursery

1099 · 22/07/2022 07:13

Might be worth making sure that the Production team know you are confirmed on this, if the NM speaks to them she may well say "I've spoken to Pending and we agreed to X and Y doing it and not DD" Just a thought.

MightyMiss · 22/07/2022 08:39

Pending653 · 21/07/2022 18:24

She has sent me some photos of the kids at the end of term party, I just thanked her for the photos and didn't say anything else.

It'll be interesting when she gets in touch with them next week on admin day and they tell her it has all been finalised 😁

You sound so smug OP - it's not a nice quality and I have no idea why you have your children in a nursery with someone you so obviously despise. I would be looking to move mine to one where I would have a respectful and professional relationship.

girlmom21 · 22/07/2022 08:57

You sound so smug OP - it's not a nice quality and I have no idea why you have your children in a nursery with someone you so obviously despise.

She's smug because the woman was a condescending arse. She doesn't despise her - they've just had a bad interaction. There's no need to be so dramatic.

Ohthatsexciting · 22/07/2022 09:02

Pending653 · 21/07/2022 18:24

She has sent me some photos of the kids at the end of term party, I just thanked her for the photos and didn't say anything else.

It'll be interesting when she gets in touch with them next week on admin day and they tell her it has all been finalised 😁

This is someone you’re happy to leave your two young children with? It’s like you’re talking about a CF neighbour. Not the person that you are happy to care for your children ^^

Original poster
Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:08

I'm not smug at all, I'm relieved and glad for my daughter.

I also don't despise the N.M in the slightest, as PP said it was just a bad interaction that made me feel uncomfortable because she was trying to prevent my DD doing something she wanted to do.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 22/07/2022 10:10

This is someone you’re happy to leave your two young children with? l

Bit dramatic ?

Ohthatsexciting · 22/07/2022 10:12

sunglassesonthetable · 22/07/2022 10:10

This is someone you’re happy to leave your two young children with? l

Bit dramatic ?

I tended and still tend to be when it comes my two children! I just wouldn’t want them in a setting where I thought the NM was as the op views the NM