Insulted -lottery win offer

[Windypants21]

So no I haven't won the lottery nor has anyone I known of, but i was having a wistful conversation with my life long best friend about what we would do if we won the lottery.

Her conclusions ..She would buy a business and employ me as her front of house.

I on the other hand, would give her a large sum of money and let her get on with it.

I know this may sound petty and maybe I'm reading too much into this, and given the odds it is never going to happen , .... but is this how she views me ...an employee ?!

I did say to her so you would 'EMPLOY ME '..., which she had the good grace to sound embarrassed about and tried to dig herself out of the hole she had dug for herself...unsuccessfully.

Aibu to be insulted.

Yeah you are, because these types of questions garner off the cuff results that seldom resemble reality if it were to actually happen. She meant it flippantly but you took it personally. Chill.

With all due respect, I'm glad my best friend isn't as much hard work as you. There's overthinking and then there's this!!!

This really made me lol 😂

:Generally ,i would go for giving people a lump sum as they would know how best to use to improve their lives.

My best friend isn’t that money motivated. She is comfortable. Has her who flat etc. has just purchased her first smartphone. I would probably pay for holidays, perhaps by her a wee car.

I would miffed if someone close suggested they would employ me. Are sure she did mean go into business with you as a working partner?

For me, it would just be me and the bank that knew the winnings, otherwise word gets around, then everyone suddenly wants to be intrigued with you.

I can categorically state this is not the case. We both work doing the same sort of job, although I've been doing it for 30 years more than her. I was very honest about the stresses of the job before she trained for it. But both of us are burnt out. So she knows exactly how I feel about carrying on working.

She has had personal and health issues, as have I, so I was just shocked that this is how she would respond, hypothetically. As someone said if this is her hypothetical thoughts, then the reality would be less so.

As for being given a 'handout and sitting on my arse' as someone has so quaintly put it, I'm not going to lie and say that I would refuse if someone said heres a mill go enjoy. I'm sure most wouldnt. After nearly 40 years in healthcare I'd accept it gladly! Wouldnt sit on my ass though...a round the world ticket would be my first purchase.

Seems we aren't alone on the hypothetical win conversation though. 🤔

On the basis of this, you gave a very very very different view on a “best friend” to the rest of us ie you seem to despise your “best friend”

YABU.

If she won the lottery that's her winnings and you're not entitled to them ☺️

It's really easy to give money away, when it doesn't exist.

Your friend has shown you who she is. It's not as generous as you would be. That's fine, if you win the lottery now you know to employ her as your chauffeur etc and not give her a sum of money!!

Me DCa and I do this talk all the time. I'm buying a big house for all of us, then a house for each of them in trust that we rent out (bringing in an income stream ) and a bungalow near me for my parents. Then I'm investing rest of money and living off interest. Which means I can gift amounts to cousins and friends etc as well as live off it without reducing the amount invested.

I learnt early on having had this conversation with local friends that they would give me a few thousand if that, when I had been thinking I'd pay off their mortgages , so is adjusted my thinking! My closet oldest friends (uni) all 3 families well I suspect they would pay off my mortgage and I theirs in a piecemeal way but I haven't had convo with them.

Your friend has shown you who she is.

Oh ffs.

Why not wait until she actually wins millions and see what she does before making mad, moralistic character judgements?

If she won the lottery, she'd continue to work - setting up her own business. So it isn't that crazy that her thoughts would err towards getting her friends into nicer jobs too. Perhaps she's thinking you would still both be working and seeing each other regularly, you'd have a chill easy job and you'd spend the day chatting and drinking coffee. Whereas you're thinking omg I'd be running front of house, I'll be on my feet all day, she'll expect overtime, I bet she's paying NMW.

My friend said he'd give me a million, I can only say thank you once, I can't SM about it and I'm never getting more. He hadn't actually factored into my people who'd get money. I didn't tell him. I didn't want him to rescind the hypothetical money.

Very true.

Don't know how to came to this conclusion after all I've said. Obviously you don't know the relationship I've had with her over the years , so that's a bit of a leap on your part.

Also if you think me suggesting I would give her a substantial amount of money if it were me who won the money is me despising her than that's a bit strange.

I haven't fallen out with her i haven't had an argument with her I was just a bit taken aback about the suggestion of how I would treat her compared to how she would treat me , that's all.

Anywho thanks for your input.

Your version of a best friend involves getting very angry and upset and starting a mumsnet thread about said friend following a lighthearted chat mulling over what to do with a lottery win.

Not my idea of a best friend. Not my idea of a friend actually!!

you”re “not sure” where i het the idea from that you have a different idea of “best” friendship from?

er…. This very thread that you started about her!! 😂

Ohthatsexciting you must let me know how you never have a disagreement or divergence of opinion to all your friends. I am in awe.

I've been her friend for 40 + years I'm sure I must have done something right.

You describe yourself as being offended, insulted, hurt because she knows that you are hurting out and health problems. You start a thread about her gauging anonymous posters views on your “best friend”

Have I had differences in opinion with my best friend? Yes

Have I viewed her as having hurt / insulted / ignored my health and work burnout and started a thread about her? Hell. No.

so I guess we just have a different perspective on “best” friendship 🤷‍♀️

if we did work together there would be a blood bath as we would kill each other !!!

How come?!

Silly me I thought this was an anonymous forum to reflect on life events and ask for opinions.

All I wanted was feedback on whether I was being unreasonable, seems I am, and I will take that on board and reflect on why it caused me to feel that way.

I will continue to be friends with the friend I 'despise'.

This made me laugh me and dh are always arguing about how much money we would give family and friends and we rarely do the lottery either

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. People can signal to you that they feel superior to you in lots of ways, and this is the way your friend has done it. Very thoughtless of her.

Does she act superior in other ways?

You’ve been doing it for 40 years so if you’re ok with it… enjoy

Thanks Meraas, at the risk of being accused of despising my friend she is very competitive ( her very own admission) She has been in healthcare for 5 years ive been in it for 35 + years and she still explains things to me, like I dont know anything. Eg she was explaining how to take blood one day, I reminded her I used to take her blood , 15 years previously, and continue to do so as part of my job. I think she likes to be in that position, whereas I just have got to the stage where I just want to do my job and go home. She wants me to come work in her domain after i retire, I think she wants to boss me around. Lol . Much as she is burnt out she is still really enthusiastic , I'm just in a different place work wise. We are the same age btw.

Goodness your last post really does support my PPs!