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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet, please talk me down. On holiday with my kids.

154 replies

mycatisannoying · 20/07/2022 12:05

Girls, aged 21, 16 and 13. And they're really fucking me off.
I seem to be the only single parent at this resort, and all around me there's happy families enjoying their holiday.
I'm naturally a fairly positive and cheery person, so believe me I am trying. I've been looking forward to this holiday for so long and have been really looking forward to it. I'm not a deluded fool though. I knew we'd have our moments. I adore my children but probably wouldn't choose to spend this much time with them, in two rooms.
I am fed up of managing their moods, their spats, trying to get them out the room at a reasonable time (2pm today).
I've just told them - calmly - that I won't be doing this again, and that future holidays can be taken with their father (money no object to him). That if they wanted to stay in on their phones, we could have stayed home.
I'm doing my best and it's going to shit. I should add that it hasn't been ALL bad. I do seem to be catastrophising though, probably because it meant a lot to me that we all had a good time.
Please help with some words of wisdom so that we can enjoy our last few days together.

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 20/07/2022 18:40

Have you asked them what they’d like to do? Maybe they’d prefer to just lounge by a pool on their phones, and that’s fine really. They’re old enough to decide what they enjoy. Even if your only activity together is going out for a nice meal in the evening, you’re still spending time together.

Your eldest is 21 and definitely should be able to do whatever she likes; she’s a grown woman. If she doesn’t want to leave the room, that’s up to her. She’s an adult.

Lovemusic33 · 20/07/2022 18:49

Single mum of 2 teen girls here (18 and 16), we holiday several times a year but only in the uk, we plan it so we each chose a activity/day out and we agree that we will all take part in what has been chosen even if it’s not something we all want to do. It isn’t easy, dd1 does struggle to get up but oddly gets up when it’s something she has chosen. Phones are only allowed to be charged once a day so once they are dead there’s no going on them (dd1 wears the battery down pretty fast). My expectations are always low, we have had some pretty awful holidays in the last mainly due to dd1 being grumpy it we have had a couple good ones. Dd1 is off to uni this year so this will possibly the last year of holidaying together as she will probably chose not to.

Nothappyatwork · 20/07/2022 19:16

I’ll be honest with you this is gonna be our last family holiday this year because I can only actually tolerate skiing or Disney with my lot because if they’re not occupied almost continuously they get bored and bicker and that absolutely intolerable.
and personally I’m a bit over both holidays having done them to death.

I’m thinking individual city breaks that appeal to each child’s interests going forward

Polimolly · 20/07/2022 19:36

Single mum here with one 19yo DS. I've been taking him on holidays on my own since he was about 6. I try to pick places where he can hang out with people his age, and basically treat the holiday as a solo holiday. If I organise a day trip, he joins me but there's no obligation and it seems to work ok.

If we do a city break, we plan it together and tend to spend every day together, but that's a max. Of 5 days or so.

If I were you, I would not bother taking them on holidays again. They don't seem to enjoy it and it's a waste of money. Enjoy your future solo holidays!

Original poster
mycatisannoying · 20/07/2022 20:49

Thanks again for all your comments. We had some lovely fun time in the pool earlier. I can now do a handstand and a forward flip in the water. Not bad for a fattie with zero coordination Grin
Breakfasts are the only meals we're missing together. Lunches and dinners have been taken as a family.
My 21 year old has high functioning autism and doesn't really have any friends. Her maturity and social levels don't quite match those of her peers, and there wouldn't be anyone else for her to go on holiday with. She's my right-hand woman and I love the bones of her.
To be absolutely fair to my 21 and 13 year olds, it's mostly the 16 year old who can be a pain in the arse Grin

OP posts:
Ohthatsexciting · 20/07/2022 20:52

mycatisannoying · 20/07/2022 20:49

Thanks again for all your comments. We had some lovely fun time in the pool earlier. I can now do a handstand and a forward flip in the water. Not bad for a fattie with zero coordination Grin
Breakfasts are the only meals we're missing together. Lunches and dinners have been taken as a family.
My 21 year old has high functioning autism and doesn't really have any friends. Her maturity and social levels don't quite match those of her peers, and there wouldn't be anyone else for her to go on holiday with. She's my right-hand woman and I love the bones of her.
To be absolutely fair to my 21 and 13 year olds, it's mostly the 16 year old who can be a pain in the arse Grin

goodness, someone has done a complete turnaround! Let me guess…. Couple of holiday cocktails down ? 😂

Original poster
mycatisannoying · 20/07/2022 20:56

@Ohthatsexciting
You got it! Grin

And everyone, just wanted to say that I have totally taken your excellent advice on board. We had a chat earlier, and I explained that I wasn't going to the hassle of waking them up in the morning; I am going to breakfast, and then to the beach. They can sleep in and then join me if they wish. No pressure.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 20/07/2022 21:01

That sounds like a good compromise Op. Enjoy rest of your hols.

shaggpilecarpet · 20/07/2022 21:04

Oh dear they are too young to realise what precious time this is. I feel for you, you have obviously sacrificed and saved to Go away with them. They will only realise when they get older and possibly have children of their own. I think technology and phones etc have a lot to answer for. Enjoy the rest of your holiday and try not to stress about you all having a perfect time what Will be will be

worriedatthistime · 20/07/2022 21:05

We just had family holiday and our 18 and 17 year old we just let them get up etc when they wanted and join us when ready , they came on some trips and meals out but not all
They have different interests etc

MsTSwift · 20/07/2022 21:12

16 year old went in a short holiday with friends paid for by her from her earnings at her Saturday job. She is now very appreciative of our family holiday having experienced the effort of planning a trip and the expense of paying for it herself…total turnaround.

Longdistance · 20/07/2022 21:14

You’ve got a 21yo babysitter, fabulous!
Go off and do your own thing. Don’t wait for them. Get on with it, they’ll eventually join you.
It’s like toddlers when they won’t move in the supermarket and you walk off and they eventually follow you.

Twiglets1 · 20/07/2022 21:26

That’s great. Hope you all enjoy the rest of your holiday especially you OP

Lykia · 20/07/2022 21:51

mycatisannoying · 20/07/2022 20:56

@Ohthatsexciting
You got it! Grin

And everyone, just wanted to say that I have totally taken your excellent advice on board. We had a chat earlier, and I explained that I wasn't going to the hassle of waking them up in the morning; I am going to breakfast, and then to the beach. They can sleep in and then join me if they wish. No pressure.

Once you take that pressure off yourself and lower your expectations you'll find that everyone has a good time.

I went away at Easter with my teen dc. They asked if they could bring their laptops dh said no but I said yes. They brought them and spent a lot of time in their rooms on them. However they really enjoyed the holiday as they were doing what pleased them.

They did come for walks with us and sometimes they had breakfast later than us but most days we ate dinner together.

Personally I've gone past caring about people's perfect FB holiday pictures. As long as everyone is enjoying themselves that's the main. Even if the teens are glued to laptops and phones.

Tereo · 20/07/2022 21:59

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, delighted talking it over helped. Your family sound lovely.

Original poster
mycatisannoying · 20/07/2022 22:01

Tereo · 20/07/2022 21:59

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, delighted talking it over helped. Your family sound lovely.

What a lovely thing to say! Thank you Smile

OP posts:
ODFOx · 20/07/2022 22:31

Lovely to see the update. Have a great time!

bendmeoverbackwards · 20/07/2022 22:53

Great news OP! Hope you have a great time now.

TheOrigRights · 21/07/2022 09:58

itstheyearzero · 20/07/2022 15:20

I really need a holiday, but I'm a single parent with a 13 year old boy. I don't think I would dare do it - I can just imagine the strops, the sulks and the shouting!! Any ideas where we could go, or maybe I should also invite one of his friends...? Problem is I couldn't afford to pay for 2 kids :(

I am also a single parent with a 13 yo boy (though I also have a 23 yo one who lives away).
A couple of years ago we went on a family PGL camp in the Isle of Wight.
I was fortunate to get a really good deal (covid meant loads of people had cancelled, and then things opened up a bit so they were trying to fill spaces) and I don't know how much they are now.

It was brilliant. We had activities to do all day and were in a group with other single parents so the kids and parents easily made friends. We had our own little cabin so had our own space.

entropynow · 21/07/2022 10:13

@SmellyToilet
Where worse from teen me POV. Now Pompeii or Herculaneum? Sign me up! When I was 12, parents had to drag me away. Also husband when I was 50...

maranella · 21/07/2022 11:01

BellePeppa · 20/07/2022 16:56

My ex took our children (around 11 yrs old) on a big US Disney holiday, no expense spared re the hotels etc and the only thing my son ever talked about (for ages) was the great bread the hotel restaurant had.

Show quote history

Yes, I recognise this too. For my kids, hotel breakfast is king, especially the scrambled eggs on the buffet. Otherwise, a good gym is essential for DS1 and a pool and a good, nearby ice-cream parlour for DS2.

Otherwise, I read an article about teens and holidays and it had a handy list of things that teens want on holiday, chief among which was 'freedom' to do what they wanted and to not always be forced to do things with the rest of the family.

Festoonlights · 21/07/2022 16:11

Have fun op!! 🍹🍹

ThePumpkinPatch · 21/07/2022 16:19

Wow my parents stopped taking me or my brother on holiday with them as soon as we became teenagers. We got left at their friends' homes.

You're not being an idiot OP, 2pm is unacceptable and a total waste of a day. If you divide the cost of the holiday by how many days you're there - that's how much them dossing about that day, cost you! I hope the rest of your holiday improves x

TheOrigRights · 21/07/2022 16:21

ThePumpkinPatch · 21/07/2022 16:19

Wow my parents stopped taking me or my brother on holiday with them as soon as we became teenagers. We got left at their friends' homes.

You're not being an idiot OP, 2pm is unacceptable and a total waste of a day. If you divide the cost of the holiday by how many days you're there - that's how much them dossing about that day, cost you! I hope the rest of your holiday improves x

Gosh, I can't imagine my friends being able to mind my son while I went on holiday. And didn't your parents want to spend their annual leave with you?
Seems quite odd.

Marvellousmadness · 21/07/2022 16:25

The 21 yo and 16 yo should have stayed behind. Like im serious. Yabu for bringing them and then complaining they suck
Of course the suck. They are old enough to do their own holidays. Teenagers /young adolescents suck. 😅