Mumsnet, please talk me down. On holiday with my kids.

[mycatisannoying]

Girls, aged 21, 16 and 13. And they're really fucking me off.
I seem to be the only single parent at this resort, and all around me there's happy families enjoying their holiday.
I'm naturally a fairly positive and cheery person, so believe me I am trying. I've been looking forward to this holiday for so long and have been really looking forward to it. I'm not a deluded fool though. I knew we'd have our moments. I adore my children but probably wouldn't choose to spend this much time with them, in two rooms.
I am fed up of managing their moods, their spats, trying to get them out the room at a reasonable time (2pm today).
I've just told them - calmly - that I won't be doing this again, and that future holidays can be taken with their father (money no object to him). That if they wanted to stay in on their phones, we could have stayed home.
I'm doing my best and it's going to shit. I should add that it hasn't been ALL bad. I do seem to be catastrophising though, probably because it meant a lot to me that we all had a good time.
Please help with some words of wisdom so that we can enjoy our last few days together.

There are special
holidays for single parents but they can be a bit pricey. I can’t remember the particular one I looked at but they are group holidays abroad so it doesn’t seem
so overwhelming. Some of the holidays were amazing but some were more realistic. I think it may have been singlewithkids?

I think the families that you think are having the best time have lowered their expectations or have younger kids who aren't attached to devices. We're currently away with our teenage DDs. Day 2 and DD2 (13) has opted out of the beach (too hot) and getting in the pool (felt 'faint' apparently). Anywhere we go away from the apartment has her worried she hasn't got enough charge on her phone. Her and dd1 (18) went back early last night as they were tired. OH and I enjoyed a couple of beers in relative silence. OH said 'im not sure what DD2 is getting out of this holiday ' and I reckon she'll get out of it whatever she wants! I was partly dreading going away as my girls bicker all the time and they're sharing a double bed! They will still bicker but I've made it clear it's my holiday too and I will not tolerate being upset by them

Thats probably why the poster put it in quotes. 🙄

Where?

My ex took our children (around 11 yrs old) on a big US Disney holiday, no expense spared re the hotels etc and the only thing my son ever talked about (for ages) was the great bread the hotel restaurant had.

😂 Worth it then.

i think at those ages I too would just let them do their own thing. Make sure that you have a nice time - sunbathe by the pool, swim etc - whatever you enjoy! Relax in all the ways you couldn’t when they were babies.

Theyll probably turn up if you seem to be enjoying it.

We used to go for beach/ pool type holidays with my parents when I was a teen and I didn’t really like it - but my parents didn’t let it spoil it for them. They’d go down for breakfast, go to the beach in the mornings etc and we’d just drift along when we got up. There were certain expectations such as not moaning and being there for meals, but if you’re AI you don’t even have to worry about mealtimes really!

Just saw it online I can’t link for some reason let me try a photo

I'm currently on holiday in Portugal with my 16yo dd, I feel your pain op!

I told her yesterday she was so ungrateful it was embarrassing.

Today she has been a bit better, mind you they might be because her phone has broken so she's had to talk to me!!

Why didn't you discuss an action plan before you went on holiday ? So that some expectations were discussed.

Why are you not having meals together ?

The 21 year old and the 16 year can get up whatever time they want for breakfast tbh seen as it's holiday I would let the 13 year old do the same.
Have you booked any type of activities for yourself?

I bet there's other single mums their too OP.

Teens do go on phones that's what they do at home anyway. I don't think you can poli e a holiday when your teens are that old.

I adore my single parent holidays

no bickering in the heat, no having to do something i don’t want to do (happy to do for my children, not a moody man).

i love it. Me and the kids. A little gang. Doing things my way, which is largely driven by what makes them happy

I am perplexed by the 21 year old op.

she is a bona dose adult. She should be much much more considerate and your comrade if the two are doing as teen girls are want to do.

My friends have two teens (16, 14) and a 10 year old. For the last four years, a week of their beach holiday has included a digital detox for all family members. Apparently it’s brilliant and they all reconnect and play board games, sleep, go for swims and walks. Has anyone tried this and if so, how did you enforce it?

Regarding teens not coming on holiday with you - it's a bit difficult if YOU want a holiday and there's no-one for them to stay with. Not everyone has family members willing to take a teen for a week.

The solution for the older ones is to give them £200 and send them off camping in the U.K., it's character building. Send the younger one on a learn a skill eg rebuild hedgerow week - take yourself off for some r&r

All the best op.

Go out for the day by yourself. Have fun. Personally I’d reappear at about 6:00 with a (empty) shopping bag from Prada or whatever the kids are into nowadays and when they ask what’s in it, say the days activity was to go shopping, but as you were the only one who went you just treated yourself. They can’t see it though because you don’t want them to feel bad.

When we used to go on family holidays the tension would sometimes build until we had a big row then things got better. Sometimes it’s good to clear the air! Agree with others. Don’t try to have a perfect holiday. Just enjoy relaxing and not being at home and just try to plan one nice thing to do together each day even if it’s just having a nice meal

Have a look at the Manor House and Ashbury sports and crafts hotel complex just outside Oakhampton. Basic room that you can share, all inclusive and a million trillion things to do (seems like it anyway). No I don't have shares but I took my 3 sullen teens there several times. They could do what they liked during the day and sometimes even did things with me too.

In your situation, I would enjoy the morning to my self - beach, mooch round town, coffee shop, read, pool side, activity.... but agree that we all meet at 2pm to go to lunch together.

Family holidays were really good fun until my kids hit their teens, then they turned into sulky, ungrateful brats. So we stopped. I'm not wasting my hard earned cash on a lovely holiday when they refuse to join in anything. I'd rather go on my own, and read a stack of chick lit on a sunlounger and have a cocktail or two.

Why on earth are you waiting around for a 21 year old!

Just go and do your own thing. Leave them to it and don't take them away again. The eldest especially is old enough to be taking their own holidays if they want.

itstheyrarzero Pgl do family activity hols if that appeals. Lots 60% off at minute.
I’d leave them to it Op and make most of it. Maybe insist on all having dinner etc. My teen is best left alone in morning we just had nice breakfasts without her.

I'm a single parent too, my youngest are 15 and 17. Last holiday I banned all devices in the daytime, it worked really well for all of us, bit more difficult when they are older.

My son existed on hot dog sausages and chips, I just left him to it. As for me I parked myself on a sun lounger with a book and left them to it. Not many squabbles to be fair.