Mumsnet, please talk me down. On holiday with my kids.

[mycatisannoying]

Girls, aged 21, 16 and 13. And they're really fucking me off.
I seem to be the only single parent at this resort, and all around me there's happy families enjoying their holiday.
I'm naturally a fairly positive and cheery person, so believe me I am trying. I've been looking forward to this holiday for so long and have been really looking forward to it. I'm not a deluded fool though. I knew we'd have our moments. I adore my children but probably wouldn't choose to spend this much time with them, in two rooms.
I am fed up of managing their moods, their spats, trying to get them out the room at a reasonable time (2pm today).
I've just told them - calmly - that I won't be doing this again, and that future holidays can be taken with their father (money no object to him). That if they wanted to stay in on their phones, we could have stayed home.
I'm doing my best and it's going to shit. I should add that it hasn't been ALL bad. I do seem to be catastrophising though, probably because it meant a lot to me that we all had a good time.
Please help with some words of wisdom so that we can enjoy our last few days together.

Thanks everyone. You've been wonderful.
Everyone has been kind and empathic without the dreaded AIBU snippiness

Don't put too much pressure on and expect them to do everything available just because they're on holiday. Let them relax, the 16 and 13 year old are at an awkward age to be going to a resort, a little old for the kids entertainment and too young for the adult entertainment and drinking etc.

Can they do anything by themselves? Maybe letting them pop out with your eldest will let them have some freedom and you can do something else

What do you want to do in the last few days? Make a plan to suit yourself, tell them to come or not come, it doesn't matter. I do think it's easy to forget that a teenagers idea of a fab holiday is different to an adults. (I remember being yelled at for not enjoying a holiday enough; we were on a canal trip and I had been lying on the roof of the barge reading, fully believing I was having a fantastic time so it seemed rather unfair! Obviously what my mum meant was that I wasn't getting stuck in with the steering and locks and games and chat but I was a quiet introvert then and now.)

Everyone's already said it. Leave them to do your thing, and they do theirs.

Plans a couple of activities or meals for you all, but other than that, they're all old enough to guide their own holiday experience.

If I were you I'd be reading by the pool, wandering around the local shops and pretending I was on a luxury solo holiday after successfully orchestrating a grand jewellery robbery 😁

Give yourself a break.

No point looking at other family lies and deciding that they are 'doing life' better than you are. You can have no idea what is going on for them.

Enjoy your holiday

They are at the stage of separation g from their parents. It's s natural process, a good sign that you have done a good job in parenting them.

I'll try to pull that off as I waft around in my Primark kaftan

I'm very petty, but if I was in your shoes, I'd be off to the water park (or somewhere equivalent they'd enjoy) while they were all sleeping. Get someone to take some 'look what a great time I'm having' photos of me to upload to anywhere online they'll see it, then come back around tea-time, happy as Larry. See if that changes their attitude.... :-)

I like that @Hotchox

Like others, we had this. It culminated in a "holiday of a lifetime" type of holiday where we couldn't get them out of bed or to be interested in any excursions etc. One never even went in the pool or sea. I swore to never take them on holiday again & I haven't, so 2/3 haven't had a holiday for 4 years (partly due to Covid of course). They are all adults now & can organise their own trips. Or not.

I remember one holiday OP, when I was sitting by the pool with 2 young teenagers, feeling sad and lonely, watching a nuclear family set up opposite me.

Whereas I was here alone with 2 kids. Poor me.

Then the couple started quietly arguing and the kids started bickering.

So I asked one of my kids to get me a cocktail from the bar, lay back down on my sun bed and read my book. Glad I wasn't the woman opposite me.

Later on in the holiday I was chatting to woman at the bar and she told me how envious she was of me, being able to do my own thing!!

The grass always looks greener!

Enjoy your holiday OP and waft away in your primark kaftan!

I had some dreadful holidays with my DD as a single parent. On one to East Coast America she wanted to stay in the room on her Nintendo most of the time, moaned constantly about going anywhere and flatly refused to eat anything other than pizza. I couldn't leave her on her own so was effectively trapped with a whinging nightmare for two weeks. Same on another holiday to Europe.

Life is so much nicer now, holidays abroad with my lovely, happy, fun partner whilst she sorts out her own holidays with friends.

However, she is much more mature now and would be good company on a holiday so would consider it. I stopped taking her for a few years. She now looks back and regrets not making the most of the USA trip 🤔

Teenagers can be so selfish and self absorbed but it does get better!

This isnt a nice comment perfect familys. No family is perfect.

YANBU

But if dads well off then it’s not like they’ll never be able to go on holiday again so don’t feel guilty about them missing out and instead focus on your happiness - the more time they’re stuck in their room the more time you’ve got to go sunbathing and relaxing on your own.

I would explain to them that you don’t have much money and you really wanted to spend some time together so the rules are they must spend between 10-2 (or whenever) actually doing something and appreciating the holiday that you’ve worked so hard to save for and then after that they can do what they want.

teens are weird about holidays. my usually delightful 15yo gets a bit of a brattish attitude even when we discuss particular holidays. she "refuses" to go on a beach/sun holiday. DC2 and I would love a fly and flop somewhere warm but I know there's a real risk DC1 will be an arse, and I'll then get cross with her for being an arse and wish I'd stayed at home. Am looking at city breaks with good public transport for next year, so that if need be we can do our own thing.

Tell them you'll see them later-youre going for drinks with that friendly waiter you chatted to last night - bet they come for a peek

i went on holiday with my parents when i was 19 wish i hadnt they kept sayng we had to do everything together it was exhausting but i do like my own space so prob wasnt a goodidea

let them do what they want on the proviso you meet up for dinner or one meal

Teenagers like to have a long lie in and message their friends. Let them sleep late. It's your holiday too so you do your thing and don't worry about the perfect family. Few are. And if they look it is because they are pretending or their parents are super strict and controlling.

Good advice

Single parent who went away last week with 3 teen boys 🙈 I completely feel your pain, like others have said go enjoy yourself and leave them to it! I did...

Also if you ear wig into conversation you will hear that most families are stressed and grumpy about stuff too 😂

Holidays with teenagers is harder than holidays with toddlers. Feel your pain. I won't go with mine now unless other famiky around as they are more pleasant then. Hope it gets better

It's everyone's holiday. If they want to sit on their phones let them. Do what you want to do.

I've just come back from a week away with mine (12 and 8)
I was also the only single parent there. They were ungrateful, bored (), bickering, hard work, and brought me to tears on a good few occasions.

I could cry again at the thought that kids are still like this onto their teens and twenties 😭

I feel your pain too op. My dh died 5 years ago and I felt it was really important for myself and my dc, then aged 24, 23, 21 and 13, to go away together the following summer to bond.

In my head, I had visions of us all spending every minute together, reminiscing about the good times, talking about dad, just being there for each other.

The reality couldn’t have been more different! Everything about that holiday was a disaster from the journey there, the resort, the hotel, the weather, and worst of all, the family bonding time! The dc fell out with me and with each other, and every time peace was restored, it lasted only for minutes!

But - I actually do think looking back now, that in its own way, it actually was a bonding experience. And as someone else has said, there’s often talk of “do you remember that holiday after dad died when …”

So go off and enjoy yourself, and don’t be surprised if you find out eventually that this has been their best holiday ever!

I’m sorry but I laughed out loud. 😂

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have a great time and just let it happen. Tell the kids you’re going to the beach or whatever. Do they want to come yes or no. If not see you later, if yes oh great get your things together and we can get ice cream. etc etc etc. must be hard trying to keep them all pleased. At least you can guarantee you having a good time if they aren’t interested!