Mumsnet, please talk me down. On holiday with my kids.

[mycatisannoying]

Girls, aged 21, 16 and 13. And they're really fucking me off.
I seem to be the only single parent at this resort, and all around me there's happy families enjoying their holiday.
I'm naturally a fairly positive and cheery person, so believe me I am trying. I've been looking forward to this holiday for so long and have been really looking forward to it. I'm not a deluded fool though. I knew we'd have our moments. I adore my children but probably wouldn't choose to spend this much time with them, in two rooms.
I am fed up of managing their moods, their spats, trying to get them out the room at a reasonable time (2pm today).
I've just told them - calmly - that I won't be doing this again, and that future holidays can be taken with their father (money no object to him). That if they wanted to stay in on their phones, we could have stayed home.
I'm doing my best and it's going to shit. I should add that it hasn't been ALL bad. I do seem to be catastrophising though, probably because it meant a lot to me that we all had a good time.
Please help with some words of wisdom so that we can enjoy our last few days together.

I think you just have to leave them to it. They've having a 'good time' on their own terms keeping in touch with their mates, and if they want to look back and regret that they spent the holiday on their phones (which they probably won't), that's their issue and not yours. I agree the 'I'm doing X, do you want to come....' plan sounds good.

Try to remember what it’s like when holidays with toddlers are hard work sometimes and think ok at least I can do my own thing and leave them to it

Enjoy your holiday

Yep I would agree with PP, let’s them stay in on their phones, if that’s what they want. Leave them in bed have a leisurely breakfast, read a book, relax. Go out and enjoy yourself, they will be happy to see you when you get back OP. Not worth everything being a battle, especially in the heat. I have a 21 year old & 19 year old, there idea of a good holiday isn’t mine 😂 Make the most of the few days you have left. Good Luck.

I think I get it, OP (no kids of my own but have played "Gandalf" on holidays with a scrum of younger friends - never again!). It's not fun feeling underappreciated and it sounds like you put a lot of effort in.

As other people have said, it's their holiday too. Sometimes just chilling in a different setting is good for the soul when you're unwinding after two years of lockdown. Especially when you're a teen, and having control over your own plans is still rare.

I remember being a teen and having my precious holiday downtime ruined by my mum who thought she was entitled to a theatrical performance of "the picture perfect family holiday" 24 hours a day. I was constantly verbally reminded of the cost of the holiday too, which made me feel "bought".

You deserve a break and a good time too, but don't fall into this trap! I hope you find some great things to do, and I hope your kids find a way to join in x

Let them do their own thing in the day and meet up with you for dinner.

When mine were 14 & 16 we went to Florida to Epcot, one of the Disney parks. They are usually great (they actually never argue) , but the heat got to us all and they couldn’t agree on which rides to go on, where to eat or even which shops to go to. Everything I wanted to do they just sighed at. In the end I told them I was sick of their attitude and if they didn’t stop I would leave them. They didn’t stop, so I told my poor calm dh that we should just leave them there then. We drove somewhere and had a nice meal at a restaurant they didn’t want to go to.

They kept sending selfies of both of them together, looking very happy. No fights what so ever Big sister bought lunch and snacks for younger brother. They had ’the best day of their life the day when mum & dad abandoned us at Disney!’. They still talk about it as the best day ever 7 years later.. 😂

I feel for you. Once I hit the teen years I used to send my dc on the school trip with their friends and holiday with the younger ones at the same time. Otherwise we tended to go on daytrips/overnight city breaks with something of interest to do e.g. Gaming convention, day festival. But was all agreed beforehand.

hey had ’the best day of their life the day when mum & dad abandoned us at Disney!’. They still talk about it as the best day ever 7 years later.. 😂

Love it!!

Don’t forget that you have the rest of your lives to go on holiday. Between the ages of 16 and 21 my DD did not want to holiday with her parents.

She is now 25 and if I offered her with or without her boyfriend a cheap holiday with just me, she’d bite my hand off.

To be fair, where better to be abandoned by your parents? 😂

I feel your pain OP, I also have 3 teen dds.

I take it you are sharing a room with your youngest and the older two share another room? I found them not having their own space can lead to tension to start off with. It's difficult though in hotels with more than one child.

What are they doing for food if they miss breakfast? Are you all inclusive or do you have to fork out for lunch for them?

I agree with others that most teens are glued to their phones. Try not to stress too much about that.

I definitely agree with doing your own thing and take the pressure off. When we've spent a lot of money on a holiday, we want it to be perfect but there will be ups and downs just like at home. Try and focus on the good bits and ignore the bad bits.

I hope you can have a relaxing end to the holiday.

Another single mum here! One teen, one tween, took them away last week and OMFG the bickering, refusals and strops - mainly from 12yo. At one point I was reduced to tears and considered just packing up and coming home, but managed to move on from it and it did improve. Only planned / booked one thing, the rest we played by ear, and looking back the worst bits didn't dominate the whole thing and we had some nice experiences/sights.

Even though it was stressful, it wasn't as stressful as being on holiday with twatty ex used to be, so there's that!

I love my DC and welcomed the chance to have a trip with three of us, post-covid, possibly the last one before older one goes to uni.

OTOH I haven't had an actual break - where I get to do what I want and relax on holiday - for 18 years. (For various reasons to do with ex and no family support) Just the odd short work trip by myself but no holiday. So I am looking forward to grown-up, stress-free holidays once again in a few years.

Also OP, you'll see lots of MN threads at the moment about holiday stresses with teens, it's not just you! You're only getting a snapshot of someone else's life. It could well be that when you're having a nice meal with your dds, someone else is admiring your lovely family.

True, but I remember being so angry (and hot). 😂They bought Mickey ears, I still have the stupid selfies they kept sending me grinning from ear to ear.. ’Hi mum, we’re still alive just so you know!’ 😂

I abandoned beach holidays once the kids hit their teen years. They found them boring once they were past the bucket and spade stage, and v fair skinned autistic DD1 hated the inevitable sunburn or having to lurk in the shadows.
Instead, I researched a few options to discuss with them in advance, so they could help choose. We had some great city breaks - Seville, Marrakech, Istanbul, Prague, Copenhagen etc, went to the Austrian alps combined with a Salzburg break, and had a very thought provoking trip to Krakow and Auschwitz that had them deep in discussion for weeks afterwards. DD1 is keen on animals and loved the holiday in Transylvania, visiting the wild bear sanctuary, canyon walking, seeing Dracula’s castle, attending a jazz festival, and having a day in Bucharest.
There’s a big world out there, and some of it is even interesting for teenagers!
I think involving them in the planning stage is vital - then they can’t blame you if it doesn’t live up to expectations. Trying to incorporate their particular obsessions helps too. DD was unmoved by Swiss mountains, but loved the obscure museum of science fiction artwork we found there!

@SmellyToilet Yeah we also went driving, youngest high from all the sugar from all you can drink soft drinks and making up annoying rap songs in a pretend American accent. Driving his sister absolutely crazy in the car.
They only bonded when my dh was going through a drive through, trying to get everyones orders right but failed miserably..he got more and more flustered the more he was trying to explain what he wanted to order and constantly got misunderstood. The kids cried with laughter at him in the back seat, and that was the first time dh told them to shut up or he’d throw their food out of the window. 😂

We ended up getting 20 different sauces for free because in the end they probably hadn’t understood him properly. The youngest thought that was amaaaazing and wanted to call his best mate at home to tell him about the free sauces. DH still gets pissed off after 7 years when he is reminded of trying to order that food.. 😂

Youngest best mate also still talks about all the free sauces we received…! The trip cost thousands but things like this is what they remember..

I feel your pain, @mycatisannoying though my latest holiday was ruined by DP’s moaning rather than my kids’ 🤣

Planning a solo holiday next time, after years of kids and now DP moaning.

Relax now and enjoy the last few days

I wouldn’t dream of taking teens on hol

they can stay home

most teens would rather be with their mates anyway

I stopped beach holidays too as my teens find them boring. Maybe long weekends would be better? Save the money and have a proper adult holiday with a friend?
Places my teens enjoyed a lot: Paris, Barcelona, Sweden winter and summer, Switzerland and skiing anywhere. I let them sleep (although they are not later risers) and we choose an agreed activity late afternoon followed by dinner. I embraced the relaxation and not having to ‘entertain’ anyone.
Can you book some treatments?
Treat yourself to something new?
Split them up and do 1-1 stuff? Chosen by them.

I am sorry they are annoying and it’s not how you imagined but stop the expectations of fairytale holidays and leave them to it and please yourself!! 🍹🍹

Tell them all the plan, and leave 21 year old in charge if they won't go out with you.
Then come back at lunch and do afternoon plans.
You can walk out and go do things without the children, your actually feeling mother guilt, the great thing is the less you care the nicer your life gets.

Focus on enjoying YOURSELF.

They’ll sort their shit out if you leave ‘em to it, and if they want to lie in their rooms on their phones (they probably won’t) who cares?

check in the 13 year old via text every so often, the 16 year old twice a day, so you know they are alive.

otherwise just worry about you. They don’t need all day mothering, don’t do it.

I am holiday at the mo and just watched pre teen brother head butt his teen brother in the pool with lots of blood ensuing. Parents are now earnestly discussing why it’s wrong to knock your brothers teeth out 😂😂
Op it could be (a lot) worse!!

I agree. Just plan your day for yourself, tell the where you are going and what you are doing, then leave them to choose either to join you or go off and do their own thing.
Would taking one at a time be an option? No arguments and you get to spend time with them individually.

I'm also a single mum of teens and having a rough time with my 13 year old at the moment, so I feel your pain.

Love the recommendations too on this thread. Romania and vampires look cool! Did you feel safe? Not the vampires obvs! But personal safety etc