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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be terrified that my 4yr old dd is starting school in September

363 replies

scorpiogirly · 20/07/2022 10:20

Is it just me? The thought of sending her to school in September makes me feel sick. No parent should be terrified of their children starting school.

I'm speaking of the new RSE curriculum. Parents no longer have a right to opt out. Parents do not have the right to demand to see what their children are being taught. Dangerous ideology will embedded into every lesson.

5000 parents are taking the Welsh Government to court and the case has been accepted.

Schools seem to be following a script when met with questions about the new RSE. Safeguarding, age appropriate. Who decides what is age appropriate for our children?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Bitwornout · 21/07/2022 09:01

What I find most alarming about this OP is that you appear to think you have no agency in your child's life. School isn't some sort of cult. You can teach your child some critical thinking, you could send them to a different school, you could home school, you could read the actual curriculum, you could speak to the school. etc etc. Instead you claim to be terrified for your child but then go on to list a million ways you can't do anything to solve the situation. If you are really that concerned get off Mumsnet and put that energy into sorting out your life.

Maddogsandtoplessenglishmen · 21/07/2022 09:41

WindOnMySkin · 21/07/2022 08:47

Goodness, this is still going. It's so obvious what this thread is trying to do. Framing gender critical thinking as unhinged, People really need more critical reading skills. Nice work Op, nice work. 🤔

You know being gender critical doesn't automatically make you a logical thinker right?

Every school of thought attracts all sorts of people. Blanket assuming that everyone who comes across as 'unhinged' (your words not mine) can't be gender critical is just daft.

The same as the Op assuming everyone not agreeing with her is an MRA.

Its possible to not be gender critical and not be an MRA.

Its possible to be gender critical and be very overblown like this OP.

You don't get some intellectual high ground. Its like assuming everyone who isn't a flat earther is a critical thinker.

You can claim this is someone trying to undermine GC people, but given the links and the information the OP has provided it would be a bit of an own goal, its much more likely this is a GC person who doesn't fit your 'image' of a GC person.

SallyWD · 21/07/2022 10:53

I feel so sad for your daughter. My daughter finishes primary school this week and I'm desperately sad about it. The last 7 years have been just wonderful for her - so much learning, fun, adventures, forming lifelong friendships. Never at any point has any sort of trans ideology been taught to them or anything inappropriate about sex and relationships. Everything has been handled in such a sensitive, age appropriate way. Your daughter is about to embark on a fantastic journey and instead of having a mother who feels excited and positive about this she has a mum who is "terrified", anxious and paranoid. A mum who is so deluded and obsessed with one narrow issue that she's ignoring the real experiences and accounts of us parents who have actually children at primary school. I just hope your daughter is still able to enjoy her time at school.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 21/07/2022 11:03

WindOnMySkin · 21/07/2022 08:47

Goodness, this is still going. It's so obvious what this thread is trying to do. Framing gender critical thinking as unhinged, People really need more critical reading skills. Nice work Op, nice work. 🤔

Trust me, trolls aren't needed to achieve this. Real TERFs can do their own work in looking unhinged.

Completelyovernonsense · 21/07/2022 11:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

user1492809438 · 21/07/2022 11:32

Teacher here
Please home educate your child, I am too overworked to deal with a hysterical neurotic parent who doesn't use English correctly. Terrified is when your child is likely to be bombed in Ukraine, not attending school. You are talking about an hour lesson per week[less or none in Reception]. Your child is guided by and grows with you, it is your views and thoughts that they will mirror until they make their own judgements..a skill you should also foster.

Eeksteek · 21/07/2022 12:36

@rainrelief

Thank you for your intelligent and considered response. It’s nice to have an actual discussion!

You are right that men are the problem. You are wrong that men can become greater or lesser risks by giving them 'cis' or 'trans' labels.

I don’t think they do become a greater or lesser risk (other than in numbers). So a woman’s chance (god forbid) of being assaulted by a male as opposed to a transgender person is much higher, and yet the energy and vitriol against transgender-perpetrated abuse is vastly disproportionate to its prevalence. If it were about the abuse, much more of that energy needs to be directed at men. Not the transgender community, surely? It’s cognitive dissonance. Most women know and love a man a two - they have fathers, sons, brothers and husbands - but most people don’t personally know an openly trans person, so they can hate them as a group without having to think of them of as people.

Actually a study on reports of sexual crimes in changing rooms in the UK did find that the overwhelming majority of them were in 'gender neutral' (mixed sex) facilities

Indeed. So surely we should be raging that there are mixed sex changing spaces at all, if they’re so dangerous to women? But no one cares. They only care that trans people are being allowed into female spaces. If you just re-designated all spaces as mixed, there wouldn’t be anything like this backlash, even though that’s effectively all that’s happened (and no, I’m not in favour of that) Not that there are fewer female spaces than there should be, and that mixed sex spaces are inherently unsafe. It’s focusing a large part of the solution on a relatively minuscule part of the problem, at best.

It’s placing enormously disproportionate blame for assault in any changing spaces on trans people, when it’s largely plain men responsible. It is in fact, scapegoating. Gaslighting by the patriarchy. If, as women, we want to see real change here we have to continue to challenge rape culture and misogyny and not be de-railed into directing it at trans people. After all, the problem is not that genuine transwomen might assault women, any more than lesbian women might assault them. It’s that predatory men will pretend to be transwomen. It has less to do with sex and everything to do with keeping all women (trans or not) down.

What I am interested in is why you believe, if males can now enter female spaces, males with motives to intimidate, expose themselves, voyeur or other sexually motivated crimes against women, will choose to self-exclude from these spaces?

I don’t think they will. And I think they will likely exploit it. And the fact that they may is much more of an issue for me than where genuine trans people change (which is why I believe I can be pro trans and pro woman’s spaces) but if your argument about mixed sex changing spaces is valid, they’re already doing it and it’s already happening. Why aren’t people raging about that already? They don’t need to identify as trans, so why draw attention to themselves in a space that will at the very least make them stand out? They can just use a mixed sex space as they have been. So are changing spaces are the issue, not the single sex changing spaces? Do we need to look at why changing spaces leave women vulnerable? Are gay assaults more likely in male changing spaces? How can we make all changing spaces safer for all women (oh yeah, and any men subject to assault. I assume it happens, but mostly women, I’m sure we can agree).

And I think this is the biggest issue out there. HOW you identify and police a trans person who has a right to use a female space. It can’t just be because they want to, can it? (I can see that gatekeeping is not popular, but I don’t think you can just have unregulated self ID, which is where KS has fucked up and his male privilege is showing) There needs to be some sort of entry criteria that is not hailed as discriminatory. That is likely male privilege in action. If you’ve never had any reason to mind a man your space because you are one, you are not going to appreciate why this matters to women who have good reason to fear men, as you pointed out. I think it’s unfair to just blanket ban trans people because plain men (who are already responsible for almost all rape and assault) might abuse it. It unfair that it’s drawing so much (indeed almost all) the fire from these already-criminal men onto non-criminal trans people, who are in general fairly blameless. And that is devaluing the responsibility of men and the experience of the vast majority of rape and adult victims. But I also think it’s deeply unfair for men (trans or pretending trans) to retain their masculine appearance and thus be treated as men when they choose (largely by other men to enjoy the advantages of being part of the patriarchy) and yet also to avail themselves of women’s rights and spaces. You can’t have your cake and eat it, mate! One or the other, in my book. You want to be female, you have to put up with the patriarchy while we do! At the moment, it’s part of the package. I’m incredulous that anyone would want that. And I also wonder if this trans backlash, while being publicly about trans women is actually because the patriarchy is deeply worried about trans men getting some of the patriarchal cake? Because this going to go both ways, isn’t it.

I think that’s what I mean. Women assaulted by plain men far, far, far outnumber women assaulted by trans people, or even by predators masquerading as trans people. So having THEIR common experience massively overshadowed by a hugely disproportionate reaction to a very few (but still equally awful) criminal trans people must be unbearable.

Every point comes back to male privilege, rape culture, substandard provision for women and abuse of power by largely non-trans males. In short, the patriarchy. Yet the solution is to vilify trans people? It can’t be, can it?

The bloody patriarchy must be cackling with delight. Imagine sweating over the ‘me too’ movement and the erosion of your victim blaming rape culture that’s worked in your favour for years, and then finding out you can scapegoat transwomen, get women to blame them too (or accuse them of sexism against women, if they are pro-trans. Oh the irony of eroding women’s rights in the name of women’s rights!!) and completely forget about your crimes. Probably the Tories (who are largely Patriarchal anyway) will get to stay in power over it and continue to leech the public and crush the disabled, non-whites, non-monied classes and anyone else not serving the patriarchy and it’s pockets. And likely break up the NHS. It’s a very high price and ALL women will pay it disproportionately. I don’t think it’s worth the price, and I think almost all individual women will be worse off because of it. It’s just like Brexit. Sold to the public on anti immigration, but really all about tax avoiding by the very rich. A fucking con, both.

Perhaps I’m not even pro trans. Just really, really anti-patriarchy!!

WindOnMySkin · 21/07/2022 12:41

In my experience scratch a GC and this really is whats bubbling away under the surface.

No, not in my experience. Also I didn't know there was such a thing as 'a GC', it's not a noun, as far as I'm aware. It sounds rather offensive, the way you have phrased your post.

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 13:37

Just coming on to say thank you to all that have taken the time to post useful comments.

To the others who thought it was acceptable to throw insults at me, work on your manners.

And yes, I do use English properly. To be terrified is subjective. Some people have irrational phobias which are very real to them. Terrified of the dark, terrified of spiders or snakes etc.

It seems I have my work cut out with the RSE going forward. I actually can't be bothered to argue about it further. If I posted that the sky was blue I'd still be called hysterical or delusional.

To all who said they feel sorry for my dd and implying that I'm a bad parent, shame on you. You are part of the wider problem as far as I'm concerned.

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 21/07/2022 20:06

@scorpiogirly I thought you might feedback on how the meeting went? Hopefully it was with the school and your terrifying fears were allayed

Your analogy doesn't work.

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 20:14

It wasn't it was with Public Child Protection Wales.

OP posts:
saraclara · 21/07/2022 20:18

If I posted that the sky was blue I'd still be called hysterical or delusional.

You really wouldn't.

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 20:25

It was an exaggerated example due to the vitriol and name calling on this thread.

What I found last night is somewhat worse than I thought. I can't be bothered to rehash it here but I will leave this video which sums it up for anyone who is actually interested or concerned about their children's welfare at school.

OP posts:
Iamconfuzzled · 21/07/2022 20:52

Dangerous ideology will embedded into every lesson

Every lesson? Bit dramatic. Although, I can picture the maths word problems now...

David walks into a shop and buys 2 handbags, 4 pairs of glittery shoes and a princess wand. How many items does she buy all together?

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 20:59

It isn't 'dramatic' at all! It isn't going to be taught in a single stand alone lesson. Making it impossible to withdraw a child even if we were allowed. It will be filtered into every lesson across the board.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 21/07/2022 21:02

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 20:59

It isn't 'dramatic' at all! It isn't going to be taught in a single stand alone lesson. Making it impossible to withdraw a child even if we were allowed. It will be filtered into every lesson across the board.

So why not speak to the school now about your concerns?

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:07

A draft email from PCPW will be sent to sent to schools on the 1st September. Which I will be doing.

Can I ask? Do you think this is complete tosh and I don't know what I'm on about or do you think there is reason for concern?

OP posts:
pointythings · 21/07/2022 21:18

@scorpiogirly what is the source of that video? It's important because unless it's from a neutral perspective, it isn't going to be terribly valid.

Teach12 · 21/07/2022 21:31

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:07

A draft email from PCPW will be sent to sent to schools on the 1st September. Which I will be doing.

Can I ask? Do you think this is complete tosh and I don't know what I'm on about or do you think there is reason for concern?

Do you understand now that what you shared re Scottish schools is incorrect?

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:38

@pointythings the source? A debate which took place in the house of commons not long ago.

@Teach12 What was incorrect?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 21/07/2022 21:44

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:07

A draft email from PCPW will be sent to sent to schools on the 1st September. Which I will be doing.

Can I ask? Do you think this is complete tosh and I don't know what I'm on about or do you think there is reason for concern?

No, I don’t think you have reason to be terrified. You can work with the school on any curricular point, it doesn’t have to be a fight.

You’ll be sending an email yourself?

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:49

Yes I will be sending an email myself.

You may not think I have a reason to be terrified. Am I talking complete rubbish or is there weight to this argument? In your opinion of course.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 21/07/2022 21:50

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:49

Yes I will be sending an email myself.

You may not think I have a reason to be terrified. Am I talking complete rubbish or is there weight to this argument? In your opinion of course.

What will your email say?

No, I don’t think there’s any weight to your argument. But you’re entitled to contact your kids school with any issues you have.

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:52

Well I don't know why you're continuing to debate the topic with me.

There will be guidance put on the pcpw website on the 1st of September of how to word the email.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 21/07/2022 22:00

scorpiogirly · 21/07/2022 21:52

Well I don't know why you're continuing to debate the topic with me.

There will be guidance put on the pcpw website on the 1st of September of how to word the email.

I’m not debating, I’m asking you to think logically - I teach RSHP and know more about it than you. And I’d like to remind you that you can contact the school about any part of your kids education. Waiting until after she’s been taught something and then complaining just makes you look ridiculous.